Are You In A Serious Relationship Or Just A Long-Term Fling?

Are You In A Serious Relationship Or Just A Long-Term Fling? ©iStock/Jacob Ammentorp Lund

You’ve been with him for months, or maybe even years, but nothing seems to be happening. You have married friends that have been in relationships for a shorter period of time than you two, so what gives? You might want to ask yourself these questions to figure out if you’re actually in a serious relationship or just a long-term fling:

  1. Do you know his body better than his mind? If you can name ten places he loves to be kissed, but can’t name five of his favorite movies, then your relationship isn’t all that serious. You should know more about his pet peeves than his penis.
  2. Do you make realistic plans for the future? There’s a difference between talking about what city you two want to move to together and what you’d name your island if you two won the lottery. Hypothetical situations like that don’t count as preparing for your future.
  3. Do you see him every day or every month? If you’re only hanging out with him once a month, and having sex the entire time, you’re not really reaching #RelationshipGoals. But congratulations on your steamy sex life.
  4. Do you involve him in your plans? If you can get away with planning a trip overseas without telling him until the last minute, he’s not as involved in your life as you want him to be. He should be helping you make every major life decision.
  5. Is he seeing anyone else? As much fun as an open relationship sounds, you probably aren’t in a relationship at all if he’s been sleeping with other women. Traditional relationships involve monogamy.
  6. What label has he given you? If he still introduces you as his friend, after months of sleeping together, he’s never going to switch to labelling you his girlfriend. He wants to keep his options open.
  7. Have you actually met his family? I don’t care how awkward those introductions are. If he saw a future with you, he would’ve introduced you to his parents by now.
  8. Are you putting in all the effort? If you’re the only one trying to advance the relationship, you’re never going to get anywhere. It takes two to tango.
  9. Have you had a major fight before? If you haven’t, it doesn’t mean your relationship is rock solid. It might just mean he doesn’t care enough to argue with you.
  10. Do you know anything “real” about him? If you know his favorite color and the name of his pet, but don’t know what his childhood was like or what he wants to do with his life, you’re stuck in a super long fling.
  11. Do you celebrate an anniversary? Don’t make excuses for him by saying that anniversaries are too “mushy.” If you were a couple, you’d at least know the date that you two first got together.
  12. Do you actually feel like a couple? If he never takes you out on dates or buys you gifts for your birthday, you’re either in a fling or a really crappy relationship. Either way, you should get out of there, because it’s never going to lead to anything worthwhile.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.