Seriously Though, Is Lifelong Monogamy Actually Realistic?

We all want to find our person, to be able to give up dating for the rest of our lives and never have to worry about dying alone again. But what if it’s not supposed to be that way? What if we’re forcing ourselves to believe in and desire monogamy when it’s not actually what will make us happiest?

  1. It’s normal for people to grow apart. Even if two people are perfectly compatible when they first get together, that doesn’t mean they always will be. Of course it’s possible for a couple to grow and change together and live happily ever after, but it’s just as possible to get to a point where they’d both be happier if they could see other people. Pretending that’s not something they want just because they’re afraid of what it means will only make things worse in the long run.
  2. Can one person really meet all your needs? Human beings are pretty complicated. Everyone has their own unique set of priorities and expecting one person to give you everything you want out of a relationship may be ideal, but it’s not realistic. That’s why having close friendships and a social life outside of your relationship is so important–but multiple romantic relationships could take that one step further and give you the opportunity to have 100% of your needs and wants satisfied.
  3. It’s not necessarily easy to stay together your entire life. A lot of people think that once they find their person, the hard part is over. That’s true in the sense that you don’t have to date anymore or worry about ending of alone forever but not true in the sense that maintaining a healthy relationship with another person is hard as hell. If you’re looking for the easy path, monogamy won’t automatically be the way to go.
  4. Just because you’re together doesn’t mean you’re happy. If you’re the type of person that is loyal to a fault and believes there isn’t a problem you can’t work through as long as you love each other, you’re in for a rude awakening. It might sound cynical, but love doesn’t conquer all. It just doesn’t. You can stay in a miserable relationship if you really want to, but who are you really being a martyr for?
  5. It’s normal to be attracted to other people. Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t going to notice an attractive guy who crosses your path. It’s also possible to develop a crush on someone at work or enjoy flirting with a barista you see every morning. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but it proves that having eyes for only one person for your entire life is a lot of pressure to put on yourself.
  6. Not everyone is cut out for it. Some people love being in a relationship, some just tolerate it, and others straight up refuse to be with only one person at a time. There’s no right or wrong as long as you’re honest with yourself and the people you’re dating. Getting married and having the typical monogamous relationship isn’t for everyone and that’s just fine.
  7. Dating can be fun at any age. Granted, it probably won’t be easy to be on your own after being in a relationship for years, but it’s not like it can’t be done. Dating can be a lot of fun if you don’t take it too seriously, so why are we all so eager to end that chapter of our lives and never look back? You could be in a great relationship for awhile and then find yourself single again one day, and that definitely isn’t the end of the world.
  8. We have multiple friendships. We all have a number of relationships to maintain from family to friends to colleagues. We’re capable of giving those our full attention so it’s possible, with a few adjustments to romantic expectations, that we could have multiple romantic relationships too instead of focusing all our energy on just one. Obviously it’s not appealing to everyone, but it should still be an option.
  9. No one should have to compromise. We all know relationships are all about compromise and communication. But we’ve all been single before too and on the hunt for the perfect guy. Remember that idealism? How you vowed to never settle? If we didn’t make finding a monogamous relationship the ultimate goal, we wouldn’t feel the pressure to settle and maybe we’d find a way to make ourselves happy without a significant other to fall back on. There’s more to life than finding true love after all.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.