The Best Sex Comes From Connection — That’s Why I’ve Never Hooked Up

We’re the generation of casual hook-ups and meaningless sex, which sounds like it should be fun, but I’ve always thought sex should mean something. It’s not like I’m trying to wait for marriage or anything, but if I’m going to sleep with someone, I want it to be about more than just getting off. Here’s why:

  1. It’ll lead to better and more plentiful orgasms. Meaningful sex means taking the time to think about each other’s needs. I’ve never heard anyone talk about how generous their latest hook-up was. Usually, I hear about mediocre sex and the walk of shame. I might not have as many partners, but I get to talk about strings of orgasms.
  2. I always know what name to scream. Even a hook-up gets insulted if you say the wrong name. It’s an ego thing. I’d rather make sure I’ve had a little time to make sure I know the person’s name that I’m sleeping with. Screaming “Oh my God, that’s incredible… umm… what’s your name again?” kind of ruins the mood.
  3. Why risk yourself for nothing? I’m not saying that you’re 100 percent safe by waiting for more meaningful sex, but the odds are higher that if you at least know the person a little, you’ve had the chance to talk to him about any diseases. If the sex isn’t going to be that great, why bother risking an STD or pregnancy with someone you’ll never see again?
  4. There are less awkward post-sex cuddles. Even the most devoted couples still have awkward pillow talk sometimes, but every hook-up leads to this awkward post-sex cuddle moment. Seriously, what do you even do? It’s one of the best parts of sex, but hook-ups completely ruin it.
  5. Intimacy comes with trust. Hook-ups aren’t intimate. They’re about as intimate as using the same treadmill as the dozen other sweaty people in the gym with you. Intimacy means trusting someone and wanting to be with them beyond just physical pleasure. Sorry, but that’s not what hook-ups are.
  6. Quality is better than quantity. My low number gets me laughed at, but yet I’ve had the better sexual experiences. I have nothing against high numbers, but I don’t see why I should be judged for a lower one. I’m happy having better sex that means something to me.
  7. I have no regrets the next morning. I can’t even imagine waking up next to someone I barely know. I’ve gotten those texts and calls from friends talking about how much they regretted hooking up the night before. I’d prefer to just skip that part and enjoy that “just got laid” glow throughout the day.
  8. That is, except for that one ex… OK, so I’m not free from regret. Even though the sex still meant something, I really shouldn’t have done it. Hooking up with an ex sounded like a good idea, but then the regrets came flooding in when he thought we were getting back together.
  9. If you want a relationship, sex comes second. I’ve heard the rare story of a hook-up turning into a relationship, but more often, I hear about people trying to turn hook-ups into relationships and it doesn’t work. I’m not the most relationship-centric person, but I know if that’s what you’re looking for, sex comes second.
  10. I feel more respected. I know it’s a jerk move to judge a woman for hooking up, but a lot of guys and prudish women do judge. Frankly, I don’t care either way as long as you’re happy. Still, I respect myself more by staying true to what’s important to me and for me, I want sex to be something special, not just a random itch to scratch.
  11. The buildup makes it better. All the flirting and anticipation over weeks or even months makes that first time with someone new so much more intense. Spending a few hours drinking or chatting someone up doesn’t even come close.
  12. I can handle my needs in between. I always get the same response when we talk about sex. “Don’t you have needs in between guys?” Why, yes, I do. I’m a woman, not a robot. The thing is, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of those needs all by myself. I’d rather wait until I find a guy I trust and respect before jumping in the sack.
  13. Emotions do get involved, no matter what. Some way, somehow, emotions get involved. I love it when my friends talk about how much they love casual sex and then start bitching because they’re lonely. You might not be attached to the hook-up, but you feel lonely when they leave. I don’t even want to begin to toy with my own emotions that way.
  14. Hooking up is too damn time-consuming. I’m a grown woman and I don’t have the time or energy for hooking up. Call me a prude or whatever else you want, but I have my own priorities and preferences. I’ve put my relationships and career first and that doesn’t leave much time for casual hookups.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.