Sex Dreams 101: Why You Have Them & What They Mean

Let’s face it—we all have sex dreams and they range from being absolutely amazing to soul-destroying. Most of the time you don’t have control over your dreams, so what do they mean? Like any other dream, sex dreams do have a meaning behind them and they can be influenced by many things, including what you do during the day and your thoughts. Here’s what yours could be telling you.

  1. You don’t feel fulfilled in your relationship. If you dream of having sex with someone who isn’t your partner, that could be an indication that you feel like your relationship is lacking. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not satisfied in the bedroom—it could be other aspects of your relationship too. This person in your dreams is usually an image of what you look for in your ideal partner. If you cuddle or talk to your dream lover after sex, then that’s a sign that you crave intimacy and you’re not getting it from your relationship.
  2. You have a desire to be with your dream lover. Sometimes, sex dreams are about “wish fulfillment,”  which simply means that for whatever reason, you can’t be intimate with this person in real life, so the only way you can be with them is in your dreams. Your dream represents your own hopes and desires and it’s a good indication of what you expect from a relationship.
  3. You want to try something new in the bedroom. Are you usually more confident in your sex dreams? Do you try different things in the bedroom that you wouldn’t normally do with your partner? These are signs that you don’t feel fulfilled in the bedroom. Maybe you want to try a new position or you want your partner to do something different to you but you don’t know how to mention it. Trust me—the only way your sex life will improve is if you talk about it. It’s better to be honest about what you want instead of keeping it to yourself and feeling unsatisfied during and after sex. Ouch!
  4. You feel insecure about yourself. If you dream about watching other people have sex from a distance, then it’s likely that you have insecurities about your sexuality. Maybe you feel a need to try different sexual acts or be with someone of the same gender. Whatever it is, it’s clear that you feel like your needs and desires aren’t being met. It could also suggest a desire to love and to feel loved in return.
  5. You have insecurities about your relationship. Dreaming about your partner cheating on you is the last thing that you ever want to dream of. Perhaps it’s a sign that you don’t feel like you can trust them, or if you’ve been cheated on in the past this can simply be that fear making itself known in the form of your dreams. Either way, you definitely shouldn’t take this as a bad sign.
  6. You feel guilty about something. If you’re the one who’s cheating on your partner then it could suggest that you feel like you’ve done something wrong. You could have forgotten to tell them something, or you might feel bad about an argument you had recently and this is how you’re processing it. When you wake up from the dream you might feel really guilty, but remember that it was just a dream and it doesn’t mean that you’re having thoughts about cheating.
  7. You have a high sex drive. Repetitive sexual dreams with strangers or acquaintances can be a sign that your physical and sexual needs aren’t being met in waking life. If you think about sex a lot during the day or have frequent sexual encounters, then those thoughts and feelings are likely to influence your dreams at night. It’s very common to have sex dreams about people you’ve never met or spoken to and it’s a good indicator of what you look for in a potential partner.
  8. You’re moving on from your last relationship. Having a sex dream about an ex might be your idea of a nightmare, but don’t be so quick to see it as a bad thing. It can actually be a sign that you’re coming to terms with the end of your relationship and this is your way of finally letting go. But it could mean that you haven’t fully moved on yet…
  9. You’re still in love with your ex. Sometimes, sex dreams aren’t that complicated. If you keep having dreams that you’re back together with an ex then it probably does point to the fact that you still love them. Or maybe you feel like you can’t move on and this is your way of expressing it.
  10. You’re looking for certain qualities. When you have a sex dream about a relative, you might start worrying that there’s something wrong with you. Why would you dream of something that you would never, ever do? Well, it’s actually completely normal. They probably have a certain personality trait that you admire or that you recognize in yourself and for some reason, this is how your dreams reflect that. It might seem disturbing to have these kinds of dreams but just know that you’re not the only one.
  11. You’re learning to love and accept yourself. It might seem a bit strange to have dreams about having sex with a same-sex partner if you’ve never had those thoughts before. You might wake up questioning your sexuality or your sexual desires, but it could actually be an indicator that you’re learning to accept yourself and that you’re comfortable with who you are. Hallelujah!
Coralle is a freelance writer and blogger with a special interest in Mental Health & wellness, Women's health, and relationships.

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