Sex Isn’t Everything: Why Being A Virgin Is No Big Deal

Watch any teen comedy and you know the ultimate goal is for somebody to get laid. But what if someone actually wants to be a virgin? No, don’t laugh – there’s literally nothing wrong with that. It’s actually admirable. In a culture where hooking up takes the place of love and real relationships, I think the virgins might be the smartest ones.

It’s hard to wait for sex when everyone around you is always making fun of you or trying to pressure you into it, but honestly, being a virgin is no big deal. It’s not like you have a magic V tattooed on your forehead until you do it. It’s really no one’s business and not rushing into sex just to have it is one of the best decisions you can make. Here’s why it’s not only okay to wait, but it might even be the better choice for you.

  1. No unwanted surprises. Wouldn’t it be great to go out, have a great time, and not worry about an STD or pregnancy? It’s amazing how much stress you avoid just by keeping your pants on. You know if your period is late, it’s not a problem and there’ll be no panicked runs to the drugstore for Plan B. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?
  2. Love isn’t about sex. I don’t know why everyone thinks love and sex are the same thing. They’re not. Sure, you can have sex with someone you love, but screwing around with someone doesn’t mean you love them or they love you. Guess what? You CAN have a deep, meaningful relationship without sex.
  3. Sex is a big deal, being a virgin isn’t. I’m still a major fan of Clueless. It takes strength and intelligence to know that sex is a big deal, but being a virgin isn’t. Cher was determined to stay a virgin until she found the right person so the sex would actually mean something. I don’t care what anyone says. Sex is a big decision and it has consequences, both physical and emotional. It’s not something to be taken lightly.
  4. It’s more important to connect in other ways. Sex only makes a relationship last so long. When you’re a virgin, you work a little harder on the things that actually matter – you know, like conversation, getting to know each other, doing things together and having a good relationship. Besides, you can still get physical without losing your virginity. It doesn’t look like you’re missing anything at all.
  5. It takes real patience. Giving into your body’s every urge might sound great, but it’s not. Honestly, would you fart loudly on a first date? Probably not, but it’s what your body wants to do. Always wanting instant gratification just leaves you disappointed and you miss out on a lot. Being a virgin means learning to be patient. It’s a skill you can use through your entire life.
  6. Your sex life is personal, anyway. While everyone else is bragging about how many people they’ve been with, you have class. You’re not ashamed of being a virgin. You just know that sex is private and the entire world doesn’t need to be aware of who you have and haven’t slept with.
  7. It’ll be amazing with the right person. I get so sick of hearing that you need to sleep with X number of people so you have experience when you meet the right person. That’s BS. It will be amazing with the right person, even if you have zero experience. Anyone who tells you different is just coming up with an excuse to have sex.
  8. Countless partners don’t make you great at it. It takes time to actually learn what a person likes and doesn’t like in bed. Sleeping around isn’t going to make you experienced because you never take enough time to learn anything besides the basics. When you decide to lose your virginity, it won’t be for a one night stand. It’ll be for someone that you’re going to spend time with. This ends up making you better in bed than many of those who want to pressure you.
  9. You make better choices. It takes a strong, determined person not to lose their virginity until they’re ready. This means staying sober, not going off with random strangers, avoiding hookup apps and focusing on other areas of your life. Life’s not about searching for sex. You have better things to do.
  10. Sex doesn’t define you. If you see two people sitting together, could you tell which was the virgin and which wasn’t? No. Sex doesn’t define who you are. It never has and never will. It’s just something physical two (or more) people do together. Being a virgin isn’t going to hurt you in any way, so why worry about it?
  11. You learn to do more than just have sex. I’m not sure why everyone thinks being a virgin means you have no sexual experience. I’m pretty sure there are three bases before home. Sex isn’t just about putting it in, spending a few minutes thrusting and then you’re done. Virgins know the fine art of making out and having fun with each other without actual penetration. In some ways, it’s even more satisfying.
  12. You know a guy wants you and not just for your body. How many of your friends think a guy’s into them just because they had sex? Even worse, they’re devastated when they never hear from him again. As a virgin, a guy knows upfront that he’s not getting any, at least for a long while. It’s a nice ego boost to know a guy wants you, not just sex.
  13. What are you really gaining? It’s sex. It’s not like you’re really gaining anything outside of an orgasm. Hell, you can take care of that yourself. All you’re really getting is someone else’s sweat and other fluids all over you. Then there’s that awkward “what next” when you’re done. You’re not missing out on anything.
  14. Sex is a choice, not a requirement. Flirting, dating or being in a relationship does not mean you are required to have sex. Sex is always a choice. I don’t care if a guy goes out and buys you a new car. You still don’t have to sleep with him. Knowing that you have a choice gives you control. Never feel guilty for not putting out. It’s your body, your choice and what others think doesn’t matter.
  15. The wrong person could ruin it for you. Bad sex, which is definitely going to happen if you sleep with multiple people, could completely ruin it for you. It makes you dread your next encounter. Rushing into it could lead to one bad experience after another and leave you wishing you’d just stayed a virgin.
  16. If someone’s judging you, it’s only because they’re jealous. People who are comfortable in their sexuality, whether they’re a virgin or have slept with dozens, don’t feel the need to judge others for their sexual choices. If someone’s making fun of you, it’s only because they regret they own choices. They’re jealous of have strong willed you are and wish they could have that innocence once again.

See, it’s not really that big of a deal to be a virgin. Your life will change when you choose to do it, but waiting versus rushing into it, helps make sure your life changes for the better. Besides, sticking to your decision makes you feel incredibly good about yourself.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.