If sex lasts longer than 15 minutes, then I don’ want it. Yep, you heard that right. In my opinion, lengthy sex sessions mean you’re doing something wrong. Hear me out on this.
- It’s all porn’s fault. Porn has completely warped our impression of what it means to have good sex. Often times a porn scene or video lasts from 30 to 45 minutes, with the participants trying all kinds of sexual acts in succession. What they don’t show you are all of the breaks between takes to get the perfect angle, the breaks dudes need to take to actually get their junk to physically function for the entire duration, the incredible amounts of lube used to make the body parts work, and the overall unsexiness of it all. Porn is a fake manufactured sexual experience. It shouldn’t be the paradigm of real-life experiences.
- Guys definitely worry about staying hard long enough. A few months back, my boyfriend confessed to me that he worries that he doesn’t last long enough for me to enjoy sex with him. I appreciated his honesty and his concern but quickly reassured him that 15 minutes is long enough for me. I explained to him that my sexual needs can be met outside of penetrative sex, that he was meeting all of those needs, and that he should focus on that rather than how long he lasts. He admitted that sometimes he tried to last really long because he thought that’s what I expected and felt grateful that the pressure was taken off of him.
- Society makes women believe that we should want lengthy sex sessions. Similarly, so many women think that we want to have sex for hours because society says we do. Think of all the movies you’ve seen or songs you’ve heard where the guy claims he’ll “rock the world” of some woman “all night long.” We grow up believing that a guy who can go at it for hours is the ultimate lover, only to find out when we’re older that it’s a huge time suck and deeply uncomfortable.
- Some of the best sex I’ve ever had was done in 10 minutes and I’m not ashamed to admit that. When looking back on my sex life and thinking about my best experiences, I’d say about 70% of the time, the sex was around 10 to 15 minutes long. You might scoff at that and feel bad for me, but don’t. The reason the sex was good in the first place was that the foreplay to penetrative sex ratio was on point. Plus, there’s something exciting about quick and dirty sex.
- Quality of sexual experience matters. People have this misconception that having lengthy sex sessions means that the sex itself is better. I want to challenge that idea! I don’t know about you, but being penetrated for 30 minutes straight without any meaningful emphasis on foreplay/making me orgasm sounds like horrible sex to me. I’d rather have penetrative sex for a shorter amount of time and spend a lot of time on quality foreplay any day. Quality of sexual experience matters more, people!
- At some point, you just get bored and start thinking about other things. I refuse to believe that I’m the only woman who has ever been in the midst of having sex and wishing it was/wondering when it would be over. There are three reasons you get bored: it’s just not good, it’s good but you’ve been doing it for too long, or an unfortunate combination of both. If you’re thinking about what you’re going to eat for dinner after you finally finish having sex for an hour while having sex, you’re probably having bad sex.
- Sex that lasts longer than 15 minutes should be the exception rather than the rule. I’m not saying that an occasional 45-minute lovemaking session is not something to entertain because it is, but let’s emphasize the word “occasional.” Let it be the exception to the rule, like a treat. When that happens, it makes it feel like an indulgence rather than a burden.
- Your body doesn’t really want to do it for that long either. Over the years, I’ve noticed that when I’m having an extended stay in poundtown, my body will basically shut down and make it known that she’s ready to put her clothes on and leave. In simple terms, the longer I’m doing it, the harder it is to keep my ladybits lubricated enough for it to feel good. In fact, if I’m doing it too long, it will start to hurt. I know I’m not the only woman who feels this way. Sure, lube is a thing and I use my fair share of it sometimes, but it’s just not worth it.
- Outercourse is way underrated. I’ve mentioned the importance of foreplay a few times here. Foreplay falls under the umbrella of outercourse. Outercourse is everything you do before actual intercourse. In my experience, emphasizing this part of the sexual experience greatly enhances the minutes of intercourse. My body is looser and relaxed and helps me get into the mood. For some, this is fulfilled with foreplay, and for others, outercourse means snuggling, masturbation, or roleplay. Try what works for you.