My Sex Life Got So Much Better When I Started Doing These 10 Things For Myself

I have an amazing sex life now, but it wasn’t always so great. I didn’t deliberately set out to have better sex, but once I started treating myself better by doing these things, my time in bed drastically improved anyway.

  1. Cooking more As strange as it may sound, making my own meals had a drastic impact on my sex life. It forced me to cut down on the unhealthy food I ordered for takeout, and once I started incorporating more vegetables and healthy protein into my diet, my body started to change. I actually got compliments on how good I tasted down below, which meant I got a lot more oral sex. And since all that healthy food gave me more energy, I was able to do more positions that required me to do most of the work.
  2. Exercising It’s no surprise that doing more squats makes it easier to move your body up and down on a penis. Getting in shape was something I did for myself, but I was also shocked at just how much better it made sex for me. Not only did I feel more confident about how I looked, which helped me bring out my “sex goddess” side, but I was also strong enough to do more creative positions and I had the cardio to keep going as long as I wanted to.
  3. Treating myself I’m more of a giver than a receiver both in the bedroom and in everyday life so I rarely spent money on things that I wanted or focused on my pleasure. But as I made more of an effort to take time for myself and maybe spend a little too much money on things that I really wanted to have, I started to realize how important it was to prioritize my own happiness. Now when I get naked with someone, I make sure to make my sexual desires known so that both of us can get what we want out of the experience.
  4. Switching up my solo sessions I used to be an old-fashioned masturbator; all I needed was my hand and my imagination. That style still works for me, but as I started to get more adventurous on my own, I also started to get more adventurous when I had a partner. I experimented with toys, watched more porn, and tried touching myself in different ways. It made it so much easier for me to communicate with my sexual partners about what I was and wasn’t into.
  5. Being pickier about my partners The old me was content to settle for sexual partners simply because I was lonely or wanted to get laid, and when I did, sex felt like I was just scratching an itch. As I got older, though, I started only sleeping with people I really wanted to have sex with. That way, I was more excited about gettin’ it on, which made the experience way more enjoyable for both people. It was something to genuinely look forward to instead of just a box to check off, and it improved both my performance and pleasure in bed.
  6. Dressing “sexier” The clothes really do make the woman, and in my case, they made me a more confident woman once I took them off. Dressing in a way that showed off my assets a bit more made me feel sexier, which helped me unleash my inner porn star in the bedroom. I didn’t need to put on a bodycon dress or six-inch heels, but showing off my cleavage a little and wearing more form-fitting jeans were small changes that made a big difference.
  7. Opening up about my insecurities Like everyone ever, I’m self-conscious about a few things, especially when it comes to my body. I used to bury those insecurities but they’d show up in my sex life anyway—I’d refuse to have sex with the lights on and I felt like I was unworthy of the person I was hooking up with. Talking with my friends and steady sexual partners helped put those worries out into the open, and once I felt like they weren’t a secret anymore, it was easier for me to put them aside and have a good time in bed.
  8. Drinking more water I started making a conscious effort to drink more water because of all the health benefits, but I didn’t even think about how it might help my sex life. Like exercising more and eating healthier, getting more water into my system gave me more energy and enabled me to do more in bed but it also enabled me to sweat more since my body wasn’t desperately clinging to the limited water it had. At first I thought my partners would be grossed out, but as it turned out, they really liked it when I was glistening by the time we’d finished.
  9. Taking (and sometimes sending) “nearly nudes” I’ve always been paranoid about sending explicit nudes, but after sending a mirror selfie to show off my new lingerie to a boyfriend, I figured out that taking pictures of myself wearing sexy underthings was a turn-on for me. It wasn’t necessarily narcissistic—I just liked feeling sexy in what I was wearing, and when I did decide to send them to someone else, I loved the thrill of feeling like a tease. By the time I actually got together with the person I sent them to, we’d practically tear each other’s clothes off after all that anticipation.
  10. Owning my sexuality I grew up thinking that sex was dirty or something I should be ashamed of, and I know for a fact that it negatively impacted my sex life as an adult. Eventually, though, I started forcing myself to embrace my high sex drive—it was a part of what made me who I am and learning to love it was a crucial step in learning to love myself. Once I was a happier, more sexual woman, I started having not only more sex but also better sex.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.