7 Types Of Sex That Seem Hot In Theory But Definitely Not In Real Life

7 Types Of Sex That Seem Hot In Theory But Definitely Not In Real Life ©iStock/LiudmylaSupynska

There are so many weird and wonderful things to try the next time you and your BF want to have sex, but before you try these, you need to realize that they’re seriously overrated.

  1. Water sex. It might seem like fun: you jump into the bubbly hot tub or hot shower and have slippery, hot sex. But water is a mood killer — it messes with your condoms, making them more prone to breakage. Not cool, especially if you haven’t been tested or are having a one-night stand. On a less dramatic note, there’s really nothing sexy about steam wrecking your hairstyle.
  2. Oiling it up. Using massage oils sounds sexy: they’re always marketed as smelling great and feeling fantastic. But you don’t want to get them on your private parts because they can irritate your skin and you definitely don’t want to use them as lubricants. They can increase the amount of bacteria in your genitals, leading to infection. Plus, they can also break condoms.
  3. Sex on the beach. It looks really hot on TV, with the lapping water and sun-kissed bodies, but sand is your enemy. It gets everywhere — and I mean everywhere. It’s the kind of exfoliation you really don’t need. Plus, if you’re involved in a vigorous sex session, sand can burn. Stick to ordering a Sex on the Beach cocktail at the bar and stay away from all that grit in your sex life.
  4. Lights, camera… no. Who hasn’t fantasized about creating a sex tape? It sounds like a really sexy idea, but once the camera starts rolling, you might feel awkward or wonder how you look. It takes your focus away from your pleasure and makes you self-conscious, which you get enough of during sex. Plus, what happens to that tape afterwards? Remember that those videos can last a lifetime and the last thing you want is for them to end up on the internet.
  5. Having your cake? Not so much. Telling someone they’re good enough to eat and then proving this by lathering cream all over them might sound delicious and kinky, but afterwards when you’re both lying on the bed in a sweaty mess, you’re going to smell like a dairy farm. Good luck washing that oily cream off and getting it out of every nook and cranny.
  6. Mirrors. Why?! A safer alternative to filming your hot sex sessions is to bring mirrors into the bedroom. They allow you to look at each other from different angles and there’s no danger of the images ending up on social media. But do you really need to see so much of yourselves? Does it look hot to see your partner huffing and puffing on top of you, or to catch a glimpse of cellulite on the back of your thigh? No to all of it!
  7. The (failed) adult movie attempt. Changing positions during sex can make it so much more interesting, but there’s a limit to what works and what doesn’t. For instance, if you think that sex movie move that involves standing in front of your guy with one leg extended behind you as though you’re doing  yoga and letting him enter you from behind is hot or comfortable, you have another thing coming. It’s tiring, your muscles will burn, and it’s really hard to keep your balance — falling over and knocking your head on the bedside table? Yeah, not sexy at all. The move might look hot (perhaps) when you see it in online sex after a few margaritas, but it definitely won’t be fun in real life.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.