For Me, Sex Is Way More Emotional Than It Is Physical

For Me, Sex Is Way More Emotional Than It Is Physical ©iStock/ondine32

Sex might be a strictly physical activity for some people, but not for me. I can’t hook up with just anyone and I can’t just walk away once I’ve slept with someone. In my life, sex is way more emotional than it is physical.

  1. I’ve never had meaningless sex. Never have and never will. For me, sex just isn’t appealing if it doesn’t mean something. Modern dating might be all about keeping things casual, but that doesn’t fit me and I’m not going to change myself just to conform to society. I’m a relationship girl. I don’t want random hookups or friends with benefits. The only man I want in my bed is one I truly care about. I want him to mean something to me and vice versa.
  2. If I don’t feel good on the inside, it won’t feel good on the outside. I have to be there emotionally in order to properly perform physically. My body just rejects physical acts with a man I don’t have real feelings for. I need to feel good about not only who he is but also how I feel about him. Before we jump into bed, I want to take the time to make sure my heart is ready because if it’s not, the whole sexual encounter is just going to feel wrong.
  3. I want to be with a man who’s interested in more than just my body. I’m a hell of a lot more than just a pretty face and I have a lot more potential than being good in bed. I want someone to be with me because they fall in love with my personality not because of how I am in the sack. I’m funny, smart, sarcastic, and sassy. I’m so much more than a warm body and I deserve a man who sees that.
  4. For me, sex is an expression of love. I don’t care if some people think “making love” instead of just having sex sounds lame. That’s how I feel about sex and I’m entitled to my own opinion. Maybe some people can have sex without being in love with someone and more power to them, but that’s just not me. In my life, sex is the way I physically express my love and it always will be.
  5. I have to be emotionally attracted to be turned on physically by him. If I don’t have feelings for a guy then no matter how hot he is, I just don’t feel that sense of arousal. I know that a lot of people maybe even most people don’t feel that way, but at the end of the day, my point of arousal is directly related to emotions and not physical attributes.
  6. Sex makes breakups so much harder. Every person I’ve slept with I also had a serious relationship with. I gave them my heart and my body and I don’t take that lightly, so my breakups that involved sex were a lot harder to get over. It was hard for me to accept that I had given all of myself to someone and then was eventually rejected. I can’t just brush it off. For me, sex intensifies everything.
  7. Relationships aren’t just about sex. I care way more about having a man who’s good to me than having a man who’s good in bed. I truly believe that if even a man starts out bad in bed, if emotions are in play and you have an open and honest relationship, it can always get better. Sex is something where you can actually train someone to your preferences. So to me, relationships aren’t about sex. What really matters is having a man who treats me right.
  8. The stronger my feelings are for a man, the better sex we have. At the beginning of a relationship, when I’m falling in love with a man, the sex is mind-blowing. We’re connected emotionally and that allows us to connect better physically. When a relationship is headed towards the end, though, the sex changes. I don’t feel as satisfied because we’re losing interest and we’re losing our connection.
  9. To me, love is what’s most important. I’m not going out in the world looking for good sex. I’m looking for love. That’s the goal here. I don’t just want a good sexual partner, I want something that means a hell on a lot more—true love and companionship.
  10. Sex only furthers my attachment to someone. Sex is a serious relationship step for me. It’s not just casual and expected. No man should expect sex from me just because we’re dating. I want my heart to catch up before my body goes too far because having a sexual relationship with someone only increases my attachment and affection for them. It makes everything more serious because at its core is an emotional connection stronger than a physical one.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.