It’s not like I don’t understand raw physical attraction, but it honestly just doesn’t do it for me sexually. The only thing that really gets me in the mood is emotional intimacy—here’s why.
Trust is more important than looks. If I can trust a guy, there’s no way his looks could get me into bed. I don’t care if he’s got a 12-pack of abs and Ryan Gosling dimples—if he seems even a little shady, he’s not going anywhere near my apartment, let alone my bed. Trust is the most important quality of any relationship and it needs to start from the very beginning.
Sex is easy—true intimacy is rare. It’s a simple fact of life that we tend to want things that are hard to find, and intimacy is sadly a lot less common than looks or sex appeal. I’m into guys who are one of a kind, and to be one of kind, they have to be more than just a pretty face or a good sense of humor (although those are great to throw in as a bonus).
I need a guy who holds my interest outside the bedroom too. I’m not interested in a guy who’s just a pretty face. I need someone who can set my heart aflutter just by telling me about something he’s passionate about or making me breakfast in the morning. I need someone I respect and admire and know fully, not just a guy who blows my mind in bed. Even amazing sex can get boring if there’s nothing else there.
Emotional chemistry is the first step to good sex. Sexual chemistry is great, but it can take awhile to develop. Emotional chemistry is often present from the very first conversation, and it leads to amazing sex. The more intuitive you are with your partner, the most seamlessly your bodies will be able to interact with each other.
Is there anything wrong with wanting a genuine connection? I just want a guy who’s interested in me as a person, even if it’s a one-night stand. In order for me to be turned on enough that I’ll take him home with me, we have to connect on a level that’s a little deeper than just the physical. I need a man who I can feel genuine excitement about, not just a guy with a nice jawline and good hair.
I’ve had enough flings in my life to know that they’re just not as satisfying as the real deal. It’s good to have a few casual relationships over the course of your life. They give you perspective on what kind of partner you ultimately want. But I’ve reached the point where they’re just not as satisfying sexually as deep relationships are. Even my most amazing one-night stand can’t hold a friggin’ candle to the sex my boyfriend and I have, and we’ve been dating for three years.
No matter how hot a guy is, the effect wears off real fast. I once dated a guy who so good looking, people would literally turn their heads to watch him as he walked by. But after a few months of dating, I totally forgot what he looked like. He was just him. I want someone who I fall in love with every day all over again, and those are the guys with fascinating minds and emotional depth, not perfect bone structure.
Guys who actually care about you are more invested in making your experience amazing. Any guy who doesn’t give as good as he gets in bed is a total waste of space, existence-wise. I deserve a man who wants to constantly blow my mind (and other things) in bed. And while most guys do this automatically these days even when you hardly know each (hurray for feminism!), there’s nothing that comes even close to a guy who has serious feelings for you. They take it to the next level simply because they are invested in you as a person as well as a body.
At the end of the day, I want someone who loves me at my least sexy. The expectations placed on women to be perfectly manicured at all times are exhausting and unsustainable. And we don’t actually need fishnets and fake lashes to be sexy anyway. Any guy who thinks a girl needs to be all turned out in order to be hot is clearly damaged and definitely not worthy of me. I need a man who thinks I’m sexy when I’m PMSing in sweatpants and a hair mask, not a guy who expects me to be in a full face of makeup every second of the day.
I fall for a guy’s personality first and looks second. They say men are more visual than women as far as attraction goes, and that’s totally true in my case. Most of the guys I find attractive are brainy ones who aren’t necessarily physically gorgeous but become gorgeous over time simply because I’ve fallen so in love with them that everything they are seems perfect.
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