Sexting Is The Worst & I Wish It Wasn’t A Thing

I’ve tried sexting before and it was basically the worst experience ever. It left me convinced that no matter how much chemistry you have with the guy and how badly you want to get in each other’s pants, sexting is still basically the worst.

  1. There’s always that weird transition time before things really get going. Unless you really planned ahead and scheduled your sexting session, things tend to just heat up on their own. However, there always seems to be that awkward transition period where you’re asking yourself, “Is this happening? We doin’ this?”
  2. Some things just sound horrible when they’re actually typed out. No matter how sensual or pleasurable something is in the bedroom, putting words to it can ruin the vibe during a sexting session. Unless you’re a fantastic romance writer, which I am not, a lot of what happens behind closed doors is hard to make sound sexy instead of like an instruction manual.
  3. Sending pictures should require an hour’s notice. You never know when feeling frisky will strike, and sometimes timing is just not your friend. Sending private pictures requires loads of prep time. Thanks to these ever-improving phone cameras, every quarter inch of body hair or any evidence of razor burn will show up. Thanks to my love for chocolate, I have to pick up all the Twix wrappers that are in my bed. I can’t stand the pressure of having to be hot in case the mood strikes when we’re apart.
  4. Sexting always seems to last just a bit longer than needed. I have yet to experience or hear of a graceful and natural conclusion to sexting. Without being physically together, it’s hard to completely sync up with your significant other and one person is almost always ready to wrap up before the other. Unlike in-person intimacy, you can’t rely on lying in bed for some downtime once you’ve finished, it all just kind of… ends. It’s like you put all this work in and then it’s over in the blink of an eye, so you put your sweats on and go to the grocery store. It’s kinda weird.
  5. There are unspoken rules. Some time ago, in a land far away, the sexting gods all sat down and wrote out rules of how sending naughty messages is supposed to happen—what to say, what pictures to take, and what to leave out. When you’re sexting, there’s nowhere to hide. It’s like that recurring nightmare where you’re giving a speech and look down and realize you’re naked. You’re in the spotlight, people are expecting you to know what you’re doing, and it’s all happening while you’re exposed.
  6. It’s like working a million jobs at once. Let me get this straight—I suddenly have to multitask being a stylist, lingerie model, photographer, lighting designer, photo editor, pet wrangler (how does my cat always know the worst times to hop on the bed?), AND an award-winning creative writer? There are countless factors to keep track of and you don’t want to get too riled up too soon. Going through this sexting journey with someone else all while trying to keep the content hot is way easier said than done.
  7. When you’re working it, it’s easy to lose your momentum. Let’s say, by the grace of the sexting gods, you’re snapping glorious pictures. You look phenomenal. It’s empowering to see a photo and think, “Dang, I look good!” But, there’s another person involved. The moment you want to soak up for some self-love and body positivity is quickly interrupted by what? A pic of his junk. And I’m sorry, but I just refuse to believe that a stagnant picture of a grown man holding his peen is a turn on.
  8. There’s always the fear of it being a threesome. In order to partake in sexting, you have no choice but to put a lot of trust in the digital universe. Not only is it a huge step to trust another human with NSFW content, but you’re also getting really vulnerable with cyberspace. Few things kill the mood quicker than the thought that Big Brother may be watching.
  9. If you’ve got it, flaunt it—but some people just don’t have it. Being a successful sexter takes skill, I’ll be the first to admit it. It also requires a lot of trust between whoever is involved, and a mutual respect and understanding for each other’s sexualities and privacy. Sometimes, no matter what you say or send, the other person just is a little off and isn’t doing it for you. Full disclosure: I’m probably that person. I can appreciate the intimacy and I commend those who enjoy it, but I’ll be sticking to the real deal.
Emily Boudin is a marketing professional based in New York City. She also is an active advocate for women's issues and shares about her experience with sexual assault and abuse.