You Should Be Over Him By Now — Here’s Why You’re Not

Things were clearly on a downslide with your ex long before your breakup, so when the end of your relationship finally came around, it wasn’t really a surprise. You know he was all wrong for you and you’re happier without him… but you’re still not quite over him. What gives? Here are some things that could be holding you back from moving on:

  1. You’re Still Spending Time With Him. Are you trying to be friends with your ex? Why? Were you guys besties before you started dating? No? Then there’s no need to start now. Trying to be friends with an ex isn’t ideal, especially so soon after a breakup. You need space to get over him and you can’t get that space if you’re still spending time with him. If, in a year, you still feel the need to be his BFF, feel free to give it the old college try. Not now.
  2. You Go Out Of Your Way To See Him. Not only do you still spend time with him, you go way out of your way to hang out with him. You’ve even canceled on friends in order to meet him for happy hour, haven’t you? I get it, seeing him makes you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, but how long does that feeling last? At the end of the day, you two aren’t together… no matter how many drinks you grab.
  3. You Still Talk About Him All The Time. Do your friends get annoyed whenever you bring him up? It’s probably because you do it all the time and they’re sick of hearing about him. It’s almost impossible to get over someone you’re still talking about all the time. In order to really move on, you have to forcefully push him out of your mind. When you feel like saying something about him, don’t. Push the thought out and bring up something else, like puppies or something.
  4. You Haven’t Gotten Rid Of His Stuff. If you still have his jacket hanging up in your closet and the Valentine’s Day stuffed animal he gave you on your bed, there’s a problem. You don’t need to be constantly reminded of him everywhere you look. You need to cleanse! Don’t throw away every trace of him (unless you want to) but definitely store it all somewhere far away from your immediate sight.
  5. You Don’t Want To Date Anyone Else. Why don’t you want to date right now? Is it because you think it’s too soon? It might be, but here’s the thing — you aren’t looking for a soulmate. You just need to start putting yourself back out there in order to stop thinking about your ex. Once you start dating, you’ll realize how much you have to offer someone and you’ll slowly start to become more comfortable with the idea of a new relationship.
  6. You’re Still Hooking Up With Him. Bro, why?! There’s literally no reason to still be hooking up with him, even if the sex is mindblowing. The whole friends with benefits thing rarely works, and it definitely won’t work with an ex you’re still low key in love with. If you really need to let your freak flag fly in the bedroom, find someone — ANYONE! — else.
  7. You Constantly Brag About How Over Him You Are. Actions speak louder than words. Telling everyone you’re over your ex but then constantly talking about him only proves that you’re not. Don’t lie to yourself. It’s okay to not be over him — no one expects you to be. Pretending to not still be in love with your ex won’t do you any good. Admit that you still have feelings so that you can work through them.
  8. You Still Follow Him On Social Media. Are you actively checking his social media? Yeah, you need to stop doing that and block him instead. If you’re one of those people who doesn’t like to block because you think it’s too dramatic, get over yourself and do it anyway. Or, train yourself to ignore his Snapchats, Instagram posts, and Facebook statuses. Which option sounds easier?
  9. You Hang Out With His Friends. Having mutual friends with an ex can be a real nightmare. Hopefully, they’re sensitive to the fact that you two broke up, but sometimes, even just looking at them might make you miss your ex. What should you do? Not hang out with them! That might sound extreme, but distancing yourself until you’ve had time to grieve is truly the best option and if they’re really your friends, they’ll understand.
  10. You’re Still Convinced He’s “The One.” Are you convinced that he’s your person? No wonder it’s so hard for you to get over him. The only way you’ll finally realize he’s not is with time. The more time you spend without him in your life, the more you’ll realize how much you don’t need him. He might’ve been a great guy, but you’ll experience a ton of great guys, and then you’ll find your actual person. Once that happens, you’ll look back on this ex and wonder how the heck you could’ve thought he was your soulmate.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.