Should You Bring Your Partner Home For the Holidays? 8 Signs Your Relationship Is Ready

Depending on where you’re at in your relationship, the holidays can be a pressuring time. There’s pretty much a known expectation that if you’re with someone, you’ll both be enjoying special occasions together. But what do you do when you’re used to celebrating holidays with your family and you’re just not sure your partner makes the cut for that yet? Here are 8 things to consider when you’re trying to decide if your partner can come home with you or Feliz Navi-not.

  1. You’re official. Anticipate that you’re going to have to facilitate intros. It could be awkward if you don’t have a title to preface your partner’s name because you two are basically just hooking up. You also don’t want to be vague and leave it up to people’s imagination exactly what’s going on between both of you either.
  2. Your family knows you’re dating/talking. Holidays, or any family gathering period, can inherently be a stressful time. This is not the low-key, casual environment you want to use to spring a surprise on your family. There could be too many clashing personalities, ongoing tension from familial disputes carrying over, a general heightened defensiveness and, from some, a chronic obsession with perfectionism. If there’s anything controversial about your partner or relationship, a general word of caution should be sent out ahead of time for people to minimize the chances of causing a scene around your partner.
  3. You see a future with this person. I would mentally prepare to be asked about who you’re bringing to the literal table if you choose to invite your partner to a family gathering. It could be awkward, uncomfortable, and irritating for you if your family really likes them and you were just casual and not planning to go very far with your relationship. You also don’t want to have to go back and cut or Photoshop this person out of group photos later on. I would save holiday get-togethers for a serious long-term potential partner you feel confident will be back.
  4. They’ve passed the friend test. Meeting your nonrelated social ties should definitely be a prerequisite to the family. It may be worse for your partner because your true friends will have your back and do whatever digging and prodding they need to so you don’t end up with a lame in their presence. But on your end, your crew is just looking out for you and not as likely to be an endless stressor to you like family would if they disapprove. This should be the first test for your partner to pass, because if they can’t act right and impress your inner circle, why would you bother to turn up the heat by exposing them to your fam?
  5. You’ve handled disagreements well. Don’t be that couple who’s always bringing drama when you go somewhere. Expect there to be potential tension and stressors present because that’s just what happens when most families come together. If you’ve never had an argument before, this might be the time for your first couple fight (sorry to say, but it happens to everyone regardless of how blissful the honeymoon phase seems). I wouldn’t want your relatives to be the audience for this relationship rite of passage. Try to maintain a united front as best as possible during this time if you want to get out unscathed when around judgey extended family members.
  6. They can take a joke. Most people have at least one person in their family, if it’s not an entirely collective occurrence, who is ruthless about teasing and making fun of you. Family members can feel comfortable with their unchanging place in your life and therefore assume all liberties to withhold no thoughts back. Friends don’t want to lose you and can be quicker to sugarcoat or avoid conflict, but family is who they are whether you like it or not and don’t expect to be cut out of your life. The jokes can range from harmless teasing all the way up to offensive bullying (generational differences can mean they just don’t get it). If your partner can’t handle lighthearted banter or at least be understanding that your senior citizen aged granny isn’t likely to change her opinions any time soon and should be taken with a grain of salt, coming home with you may not be the best idea.
  7. You’ve had deep discussions. It’s probably a good idea to know each other well before bringing them home for a special occasion. Once again, family is nosey and they’re going to ask questions. I went to this one guy’s Thanksgiving dinner and his uncle even pressed me about what my breakfast choice was that morning. It would look odd if you two have just been Netflix and chilling and you can’t even answer some of the basic questions your family asks your partner.
  8. You simply want to. No matter the circumstances, this is an individual decision. If you and your partner are casual and you still feel like this is something you want to do, then go for it! If you’re serious but still have some reservations and want to wait, listen to your gut. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you’re not ready for but also don’t hold back if you’re personally for taking the plunge and pressing forward. You know yourself and your relationship best.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer
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