Why You Shouldn’t Worry About His Ex-Girlfriend

It can be tempting in any relationship, new or old, to worry about your man’s ex. Whether it’s comparing your looks or being suspicious of their friendship, if you know who she is, it’s likely you’ve had a moment of doubt about her. Most of the time, this is just a recipe for disaster. Here are some reasons why you definitely shouldn’t be worrying about his ex-girlfriend.

  1. He’s with you. The fact is, that they were together and now he’s with you. Does that guarantee that everyone’s feelings are totally gone? No. But part of being in a relationship is trusting the other person. All the worrying in the world won’t keep bad thing from happening anyway, so you might as well focus on the good reality in front of you.
  2. It screams insecurity. If you’re comparing yourself to this girl, then you’re just caving in to the gross insecurity of competition between women. Your boyfriend probably doesn’t care which one of you had smaller thighs, a better nose, and more access to the best nightclubs in town.
  3. You shouldn’t give her the satisfaction. If his ex is in your life for some reason, (like they’re friends now or they work together), she might just be trying to get under your skin. You know, the whole “I was there first” thing. But if that’s the case, you shouldn’t give her a second of thought. She’s the insecure one. Not you, not him.
  4. Every relationship is different. So what if they had a great relationship? It ended. You guys have a great relationship too, but in different ways. Have you ever dated two people that were exactly alike, or had relationships that were carbon copies? It’s unlikely to happen, so enjoy this for what it is.
  5. You’re selling yourself short. If someone is with you, then he likes you. All the time you’ve spent comparing your bikini bodies has made you forget that you’re 1,000 times funnier and nicer than that girl, anyway.
  6. He doesn’t hide you from her. If your boyfriend was keeping his new relationship on the down low from his last one, then that would be call for alarm, but he’s not. She knows that he’s already moved on, so there’s no grey area.
  7. You’re not comparing him to your ex. If it was possible for you to move on and get over an ex, then doesn’t it seem likely that he could do the same? You’re probably not daydreaming about the past when you’re on a date with your new man and neither is he.
  8. He answers any questions you have about her.  If your ex is open and honest about when he runs into her, what happened in their relationship, and what she’s up to now, then you have to just go with it. If he was hiding information, that would be suspect, but if he’s clearly comfortable talking about the past, it’s because he’s over it.
  9. You wouldn’t want your ex’s new girlfriend to worry about you.  If you’ve moved on from your past relationship, then you probably want your ex to be happy. You certainly wouldn’t want his new girlfriend to be stressed out about you for no reason or assume that you’ll be coming back around any minute.
  10. You’re not dating her. She exists out there somewhere, but the girl is not actually in your relationship, so be sure to keep that in mind when you start worrying about running into her at that mutual friend’s wedding that’s coming up. Keep her where she belongs and focus on that awesome guy you snagged.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com