The start of a new relationship can be confusing, especially when you hit it off right away and have amazing chemistry. You want to bask in honeymoon stage bliss while also not coming off as needy and accidentally pushing a good thing away. Here’s how to maintain progression in your relationship without trying too hard and ruining it all.
- Don’t worry about who texts/calls first. OK, this sounds counterintuitive, doesn’t it? You would think it would make more sense to avoid double-texting or always being the one to initiate contact. But if you spend all your time calculating and planning communication, it can appear obvious and unnatural. Allow things to flow! If you want to talk to him, reach out. If he wants to hear from you in general and you two have good chats, neither of you will end up remembering how the convo started. Keep this simple.
- Don’t always verbalize feelings/relationship talk. It can be really exciting to finally click with someone, but you don’t need to make an announcement every time you discover another thing you two have in common. You also don’t need to bring up the “what are we” convo every week either. Unless it’s painfully unobvious where you two stand, these types of conversations should only really be had after stretches of time when it might seem appropriate to discuss the next stage/level/dynamic of your interaction. In between these upgrades of status, try to let things be for a bit. There’s no rush.
- Don’t scrutinize small details. Relax! Every single thing he says isn’t a sign or has subliminal meaning. Try not to overanalyze. For example, if you do something nice for him and he says you’re a great friend, just say thank you and move on. Successful relationships are based on a foundation of friendship and this didn’t mean he only sees you as a friend. Pick your battles or you may come off as pushy and unstable.
- Set boundaries as needed. Definitely be clear about what is acceptable and what isn’t. Unless it’s obviously abusive or disrespectful, he may not know if a behavior of his is OK or not. Give him the benefit of the doubt and speak up. If he’s trying to establish a positive relationship with you, he will likely appreciate you being direct. But don’t nag. If he continues to repeat something you already addressed before, then it may be a pattern and enter toxic territory. If that’s the case, you’ll do better to cut ties.
- Have your own life. Being in a healthy relationship doesn’t mean tossing your pursuits and interests out the window. You still have to be your own person and do you. Instead of trying to fit into his world, it’s OK to maintain your individual identities and enjoy life together when you two have time to bond. It will bring a better dynamic to your relationship if you both maintain a unique perspective instead of trying to absorb one another’s. Stay true to who you are and allow him to appreciate what makes you ‘you’ as opposed to being able to accommodate him. That’s probably what attracted him to you in the first place.
- Be open about your availability. Share your schedule. Let him know ahead of time what you have going on and when you would like to see him. Don’t play games like being hard to get, but also don’t follow up. If you told him ahead of time when you could link up and what you were down to do and he didn’t take his chance, it’s his loss. But give him an opportunity to miss you or surprise you with an idea of his own if he’s aware of what you’re up to. Continuing to badger him about when you are going to see him isn’t likely to make him plan something sooner and will probably drive him away. We all need our space.
- Check in. Fully live your life. There’s no need to hold back. But if you’re feeling him, include him somehow. If you’re out with girlfriends at an event, send him a quick selfie to say hello. It’s not like you’re not taking a million pics anyway. On a girls’ trip? Bring him back a small souvenir. You don’t owe him minute by minute live updates of your every move, but small gestures to let him know he isn’t forgotten will establish security between you two.
- Know when to let go. You can’t make something work that isn’t. Trying to force what’s not meant to be or the right time for can make you clingy. If you find yourself unable to be relaxed and comfortable, it may not be love. Read the signs and quit while you’re ahead if it’s clashing that much.
- Work on yourself. Before you enter a new relationship in the first place, do the necessary self-work. Don’t bring old hang-ups and baggage to the table. The problem may really be you. Don’t push intimacy away but also don’t smother your love interest either. You can’t expect a balanced relationship if you’re off within from the start. Take the time to even yourself.
