If He’s Showing You These 10 Signs, He’s A Toxic Disaster Waiting To Happen

It’s getting harder and harder to find a nice guy these days. Sure, nobody is going to check off every box on your relationship dream list (since you’re looking to date a real human and not a Disney prince) but here are a few red flag characteristics many men today have. If you’re currently seeing someone who fits a few of these descriptions, you might want to run.

  1. He overreacts over small stuff. If you’re noticing this in the beginning, that’s a bad sign. A good man, by this stage, understands what’s important and what’s not important in life. Sure, you can’t expect him to always stay calm — but if he loses it since he accidentally missed an exit on the parkway, just imagine how he’ll react when something serious happens. Maybe he was coddled a bit too much growing up or has simply sheltered himself from true life traumas.
  2. He’s selfish with his time. In his eyes, if he’s happy, all is well. If he’s happy and you’re content, even better. The problem with failure to evenly divide his time is the fact that it says so much. He might be a little too narcissistic, refusing to think of how his actions impact those around him. Or, he could be subtly telling you that he’s not in this for the long run, if he’s not willing to make room in his schedule for you. While millennials often get a bad rep for being the “me generation,” sometimes stereotypes do seem to form for a reason.
  3. He thinks a little too highly of himself. Speaking of being a narcissist, this is a huge sign. In his eyes, he’s perfect at everything. A guy like this just can’t accept judgment or criticism of any kind. Guess what? He’ll be judged and criticized throughout life so he has to learn how to get real and accept the critique. He’s not a teen anymore and needs to grow up and face reality.
  4. He tells small lies in order to appease you. Is it just me, or are more guys lying these days? The lies that guys today tell aren’t totally detrimental, but they slowly chip away at your ability to trust them. If you can’t tell whether or not he’s being honest, he’s just like the rest of them and definitely doesn’t fit into the “good man” category. Big lies are definitely something you want to stay away from, but small lies that he’s using to build himself up or avoid conflict are equally bad.
  5. Sometimes he’ll just completely ignore you. He’s lost in 15  podcasts at the moment. Tuning you out is just something you’re used to, but you know what? It shouldn’t be. Your father and grandfather were alert and present, and so should the guy who is  in the running towards being your eventual husband or life mate. Even if it’s not intentional, it’s definitely rude. And if it is intentional — as in, he just doesn’t care about what you have to say — know that while good guys are endangered, they’re still out there.
  6. He makes you feel bad about your appearance. Yeah, jerks like this still exist. It’s nothing new — they’re just multiplying, likely based on their own lack of self-esteem. It should go without saying, but you should never waste time with someone who’ll easily compare you to others or make you feel bad about your body.
  7. He subtly compares you to his ex. When a guy is a dud, he’s probably had a ton of past girlfriends. All of them ditched this dude since he’s not good for the big picture. If you can name those exes or if you constantly get told that “Nicole let me hang out until 2 AM with the guys on Tuesday nights,” let him pine after Nicole while you find someone who’ll leave their past in the past.
  8. He refuses to open up at all. It’s hard for some people to open up, and you can’t expect everyone to be an open book. Sometimes it’ll take awhile, but if he’s not opening up at all, communication can be incredibly painful. Maybe he’s still stuck in his teenage “nobody understands me” phase, or maybe he’s just that socially uncomfortable that he’s never bothered to try and make a deep connection before. Let him solve that on his own time — you deserve better.
  9. He talks way too much about politics. When the election happened this November, a lot of us were devastated. It’s so important to be in tune with what’s happening in the world, but we don’t want to take it so far that it destroys our friendships and relationships. Even those who identify as being in the same party are quick to make jabs at others on social media. If he can’t view the future in a positive way or lets his sadness monopolize his entire personality, it’s time to move on. It’s just proof that he has a tough time compartmentalizing certain aspects of his life.
  10. His charm is based solely on his need to “win” you. Ever meet a guy who was too good to be true? He’s the fake charmer, and there are so many millennial men who fit this toxic description. One day he’s hot, the next he’s hotter, and then? He ghosts you. He doesn’t care for you, he cares for the thrill of the chase. Remind yourself that if things start out too perfect, you might be setting yourself up to be burned.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.