How To Shut Down Self-Defeating Thoughts So You Can Be The Boss Bitch You Are

How To Shut Down Self-Defeating Thoughts So You Can Be The Boss Bitch You Are ©iStock/Squaredpixels

Nothing can hold you back more than that quiet little voice inside your head that’s constantly talking you down. Listening to those self-defeating thoughts can seriously screw you up, not to mention hold you back from achieving everything you’re capable of in life. Here’s how to shut down self-doubt once and for all.

  1. Ignore it. It’s easier said than done, sure, but when your brain just won’t shut up about how dumb/worthless/fat/ugly/whatever you are, ignore it. You should be your own best friend, sure, but sometimes you’re also your own worst enemy.
  2. Get all kumbaya on it. Being negative towards yourself can mean that you are stuck in a negative space in your head. Quiet those voices with a short meditation each day or by repeating some affirmations every morning to remind yourself just how amazing you really are.
  3. Talk yourself up. Practicing positive self-talk will slowly but surely rid you of the doubts that are threatening to drown out all your awesome qualities for good. It takes time, but celebrating the positive things about yourself rather than focusing on the negatives is a good place to start.
  4. Less thinking, more doing. Instead of sitting around wallowing and thinking you can’t do something, go ahead and actually work towards it. If you don’t have the skills yet, learn them — but always make those necessary steps forward. After all, obviously you’ll never achieve anything if you don’t actually try.
  5. Learn to take a compliment. When someone tells you you’re brilliant or that you look beautiful, believe them. Don’t shrug it off because you don’t feel you are — say “thank you” and let it sink in. If others can see great things in you, why can’t you see them in yourself?
  6. Focus on your strengths. Getting involved in things you know you’re good at will up your confidence and give you the desire to get better at the things you’re not so good at.
  7. Stop worrying about what everyone else has that you don’t. A culprit for a negative self-image can be comparing yourself to others. Whatever someone else has or achieves is great for them, but it doesn’t mean there’s not room for you to accomplish everything you want in life, too.
  8. Take insults with a grain of salt. When someone tries to tear you down with insults, don’t let it get to you. Realize that their opinion is just that, an opinion, and it doesn’t have to be the same one you have of yourself. “Haters gonna hate” is the realest cliche ever.
  9. Take care of yourself. Respecting your body and mind can give you the confidence boost you need to realize that you deserve everything you want and more. Feed your positivity with self respect and it’ll get stronger.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.