While the days of men paying for every day are long gone and an equal relationship is what it’s all about these days, some guys have no qualms with taking advantage of you. Is he going to use you for money and ride on the coattails of your success? It’s better to know before you get serious. Here are 12 signs he’s a freeloader.
He tells you he’s struggling.
People usually don’t talk about serious topics on the first date, but this guy might go straight for the jugular by telling you that he’s struggling with life or money. Or, he might sit there and complain ad nauseam about how crappy his life is. Hmm. Is he hoping you’ll fund or fix him?
He asks you to pick up the bill.
It’s one thing to split the bill on a first date, but it’s quite another (read: rude) for him to ask you to foot the whole thing. This is especially bad if he was the one ordering all the vodka or pushing for dessert.
He still lives with his parents.
If he’s a grown man but he can’t seem to stand on his own feet, that’s a huge red flag. If Mommy and Daddy are still paying his way, he’s not boyfriend material. Now, if he had to move back in with his folks just for a short time but it’s not permanent, that’s a bit more understandable. It’s just not OK if he’s happy to be regressing in life.
He talks about moving in with you.
If he’s the type to talk about how great it would be to move in with you when he doesn’t even know you, that’s a bad sign for many reasons. For example, he might be a love-bomber. On the other hand, he might be hoping to move in with you so that you can pay his way. Yikes.
He always forgets his wallet.
This is so lame. If he organizes dates with you but then claims not to have his wallet or not enough cash on him and so on, the guy’s just trying to get you to pay for stuff. It’s even more ridiculous when he starts blaming his bank for a failed transaction or coming up with other far-fetched ideas.
He doesn’t have a job.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to be trying to take advantage of your money and successful career, but is he actively searching for another job or does it seem like he couldn’t care less about getting back into the working world? The latter’s a huge red flag. Run far away from this guy.
He gives you a sob story about his rent.
He comes to you with tears in his eyes, asking you for help because he doesn’t have money for his rent. He might say that he had to help his sick best friend with money or his mom who lives alone… Whatever the case, if it just feels fishy, it probably is. Trust your gut instead of feeling guilty for saying no.
He has a drug problem.
Every time you see the guy, he always has bloodshot eyes or looks out of it. If he’s on hard drugs, this is a sign you should get out of this new relationship because things will probably get a lot worse. He might be hoping that you’ll pay for stuff when he uses all his money to get his next fix. He’ll also take advantage of more than just your money, like your energy and effort, leaving you drained.
When you go visit him on a weeknight, he’s always plonked in front of the TV. He sleeps in late and acts like an adolescent. His apartment is filled with empty pizza boxes and trash that he forgets to put out. Ugh. If he’s living like this, it’s like he’s just waiting for someone to clean up after him. Don’t be that person. You deserve so much better than a babysitting gig.
He’s always complaining about other people.
If the guy can’t take responsibility for his own life and for things that go wrong in it, you have to wonder if he has freeloading tendencies. He might say, “But my previous boss was unfair—that’s why I lost my job!” or “I would have been able to save money, if it wasn’t for my family,” or “I can’t make rent because my landlord is an a-hole.” Whatever.
He asks to use your car.
His car’s having trouble again so he asks if you can pick him up and take him to work. If it happens regularly that he needs your stuff, that’s a bad sign you’re dealing with someone who can’t seem to sort himself out. After a while of this, it’ll start to feel like he’s just using you.
He never pays you back.
Of course, everyone needs help from time to time. That in itself isn’t the issue. But if he asks you to lend him money and then never pays you back or acts like he’s completely forgotten about it, that’s not just uncool, it’s completely unacceptable.
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