12 Signs You Care More About Being In A Relationship Than The Person You’re Dating

It’s normal to feel a rush of excitement when you start dating someone new, but you might be more excited about being in a relationship than the actual person you’re spending your weekends with. Does this sound like you?

  1. You haven’t even met them in real life. You’ve been chatting to the person on a dating app or social media and you like them a lot… even though you haven’t seen each other in reality. This is dangerous because you’re imagining who they are without really knowing them.
  2. You love feeling the spark. You feel chemistry and connection with your partner and that’s what you focus on. But only having a spark isn’t as valuable as having a stable, committed, and genuine relationship. Once the fireworks die down, what do you have left?
  3. You imagine what could be. Instead of concentrating on what is going on in your relationship right now, you’re always dreaming about the future. You think of what your relationship could become instead of focusing on what it is right now. The danger is that you’re not fully present or paying attention to the relationship you have.
  4. You’re seeing all your partner’s flaws. Instead of seeing what you love about your partner, you’re focusing on all that they do wrong and how they fall short as a partner. The danger is that you might try to make them become the person you’ve imagined them to be, which is totally unfair.
  5. You don’t pay attention to details. You don’t remember that your partner has a seafood allergy or that he dislikes wearing the color green, and that’s a problem. You’re not really looking at them; you’re looking at who you think they are or who you want them to be.
  6. You’re all about your needs. When it comes to what you want in the relationship, you make your needs a priority and you love that your partner does too. But doing this could be a sign that you’re concentrating on yourself instead of your partner. Things need to be balanced for them to work. If they’re not, then there’s a problem.
  7. You’re not as crazy about them as you used to be. While you were nuts about them in the beginning of your relationship and wanted nothing more than to be their partner, now you’re feeling a bit “meh” about them. That could be because you’re realizing what they’re really about as time goes on, and that person doesn’t match who you thought they were in the early stages of dating. In an extreme case, you might not even like them that much.
  8. You rushed into a relationship. You didn’t take your time to get to know your partner when you got together. This has caused you to fall in love quickly and could be a sign that you’ve run with the idea of the relationship instead of the actual relationship. Skipping over relationship milestones at breakneck speed can be a whirlwind, overwhelming you and not making you think clearly.
  9. You want to bail after a fight. When you and your partner were getting along well, everything felt like the honeymoon stage. You were so in love with the fairytale relationship that you couldn’t deal when reality set in and you and your partner had your first fight. Instead of wanting to work through things, your knee-jerk reaction was to bail on the relationship. It’s clear you want everything to be perfect, but that’s an ideal that will never translate into something realistic.
  10. You’re jealous of other couples. When you see couples who are making a relationship work and really in love with each other, you feel attacked by the green-eyed monster. You’re noticing what your relationship lacks, and that can be due to feeling that the fairytale relationship you have in your head isn’t real and never will be. Honestly? It’s better to face that reality right away, instead of continuing to fool yourself. That’s never going to make you happy.
  11. You talk about his superficial qualities. When your friends ask you to tell them about your partner and what they’re like, you’re quick to say that they’re hot instead of sharing their more important qualities. That in itself can possibly tell you that you’re just enamored with them because of his appearance or how they make you look good, not really because of who they are. You might be concentrating on those superficial qualities because that’s all you have.
  12. You were lonely before they came along. So lonely, in fact, that you were sick and tired of being single. If this loneliness is what drove you to want to date your partner, then maybe you’re more in love with the idea of having someone in your life than with the actual person you’re dating. You might be settling for less than you deserve, thinking that it’s better than nothing. The truth is, being single is better and less complicated.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.