Have you ever dated a guy that swears he’s “woke,” claims to support women’s career aspirations, and would vote for a female President… but then he exhibits sexist and/or misogynistic behaviors that completely contradict those proclamations? If you’re not sure, check out this list. If these things sound familiar, you’re with a sexist.
He doesn’t “let you” pay for anything.
If he’s down for the matriarchy, then he should also be down for splitting the tab on dates. Some of you may think it’s romantic that dude pays for everything—and I’ll be honest, sometimes it is—but sometimes men use financial power over women as a way to woo us and then control us. They hang it over our heads or to justify treating women a certain way. Chivalry isn’t about romance, it’s about power, possession, and property rights. That’s where the practice of men paying for women comes from. If you want to pay and he insists on paying because “that’s what men do” or “how a man treats a woman,” think twice about him because he might be drinking the sexism kool-aid.
He scoffs when you ask him to cook or clean.
Or he makes a “joke” about how women should clean and cook. Don’t let him get away with it! It’s not cute and it’s not funny. A guy who says he’s supportive of women in one breath but still expects women to also cook and clean in the next breath isn’t truly supportive of equality.
He doesn’t value your time.
In the past, I’ve dated men who don’t respect and value my time as much as their own. For example, in a previous relationship, I was always expected to cook even when I had other obligations going on and when we were equally busy. He claimed that he just liked my cooking more than his, but looking back, I realize that he was just lazy and didn’t want to do it because it would cut into his time to relax. If your guy acts like this, he’s trying to make his sexism taste sweet.
He asks you to change your outfits before going places.
One time I had a boyfriend ask me to change my clothes before going out with my friends because he didn’t think that my outfit was appropriate for a woman when she wasn’t going out with her boyfriend. Looking back, that should have about ended it. What you wear is up to you and your boyfriend should never get to dictate how you dress. Period.
He turns your achievements into some kind of threat to his ego.
If you’re dating a dude who gives you an icy congratulations when you achieve something at work or in school, he might have a little sexist streak to him. For some reason, a lot of dudes think that they’re entitled to achieve more in life than women. They’re OK with women succeeding as long as women don’t surpass them. It’s ridiculous and obnoxious and not worth entertaining.
He rationalizes his bad behavior.
If the dude you’re dating tries to justify (or worse ignore) his friends’ sexist behavior then he is a sexist. For example, if your dude simply rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders at his buddy who sleeps around on his significant other, I hate to tell you this but your dude is sexist. Guys who don’t call their friends out for being bad guys can’t also be pro-women. Those things are totally inconsistent.
He makes immature comments about sex.
Guys who say that going down on a woman is gross unless she showers or douches or unless she’s cleanly waxed are immature and sexist. A woman’s body parts do not exist to serve male pleasure. Any real feminist knows that.
He jokes about PMS and menstruation.
If your dude asks you if you’re on your period when you’re upset, or distracted, or whatever you’re feeling at the moment he’s sexist. Most guys don’t know anything about the female reproductive system and most of them don’t ever try to do their own research so that they can find out anything about the female reproductive system either. Making assumptions about your mood based on a misogynist view of menstruation is harmful and dismissive of your actual feelings.
He refuses to have period sex.
Along the same lines, a guy who is grossed out by periods to the point that he refuses to have sex during that week of your life is the worst and he’s sexist. I understand that some people just prefer not to have period sex at all because it can be a little messy depending on a woman’s flow, but there are tons of guys who don’t want to have period sex but have never even tried it.
He makes a big deal about wearing condoms but expects you to have contraception.
So many dudes complain about buying AND wearing condoms yet they expect women to shell out hundreds of dollars on birth control methods per year. (Yes, it’s hundreds if not thousands when you factor in the cost of traveling to invasive doctor’s visits, the visit itself, insurance and prescriptions, etc.). Any guy who acts like this is sexist, especially if he isn’t pitching in to pay for the contraception that ultimately benefits both of you.
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