It’s probably happened to you before. Your friend, who you love more than anyone in the world, is dating a guy who’s taking advantage of her. How did your brave, beautiful, intelligent and funny friend find such a dud? It happens to the best of us. Sometimes, we see the good in someone that others fail to see. Other times, we’re just really lonely. Here are eight signs that your friends think you can do much better.
- You’ve heard “Oh, you’re still dating him?” a few times. The tone is never supportive — instead, they seem disappointed. That means that they were hoping that you’d figure your worth and dump this guy by now. Unless you’re dating someone that one of your friends was crushing on for years (which might be a break in girl code, depending on your situation) you should listen to what they’re subtly trying to say. Are you giving more than you’re getting from this relationship?
- They never ask how he’s doing. Maybe he lost his job a few months back but hasn’t been motivated to find a new one. If your friends liked this guy, they’d ask about him and perhaps offer up some good resources and connections. If they’re radio silent on the issue, they’re not going to want to invest time on him. They don’t need to be best friends with him, but refusing to even acknowledge the situation is a bit cold.
- If you bring him out with you, your friends are more inclined to ignore you. If you plan a girls’ night out and your boyfriend comes along, that’s just unfair. However, if it’s a unisex outing with friends and you realize that you’re just talking to your boyfriend the whole time, take that as a sign. They don’t want to have to communicate with your guy so they just straight up ignore you. That, or text you later with “Sorry we couldn’t catch up.” If they mention you were “tied to your boyfriend” all night, they might be a little resentful that you’re not nurturing your other relationships.
- They’ve mocked his looks. It’s low to mock anyone’s looks. We’re not in middle school anymore. But if your guy was a decent human being, people would probably let go of the fact that he only wears khaki cargo pants or that he has a hairstyle from 1991. If you’ve noticed your friends laughing about your boyfriend’s appearance, they don’t respect him as a person. By picking out little things to mock him for, they’re hoping you’ll acknowledge them and possibly use that as a reason to break things off with him.
- They treat you like you’re single. Have you been set up while you’re already in a relationship? Take that as a big sign. Your friends treat you like you’re still looking for someone when you already have someone. If you’ve heard “just go on one date with this guy and give it a shot,” they really want your boyfriend out of the picture.
- They forget details about him. Hopefully, they at least remember his name. But they can’t seem to remember where he works, or how the two of you met. If they remember anything, it’s the bad stuff — like when he didn’t text you for three days and left you in a panic. Or, when he was caught messaging his ex.
- They haven’t added him on social media. Even if he’s been introduced to your group countless times, and tagged in plenty of your photos, your closest friends have refused to add him on Facebook or Instagram. That proves that they don’t think he’ll be in your life long-term, and figure that it’ll save the effort of unfriending down the line. Since there are ways to mute people on social media, this tactic seems extremely harsh. Even if the guy posted a lot of unfunny memes, they’d want a quick way to reach him if need be.
- They’ve mentioned how he “doesn’t fit your type.” If your friends loved your last guy, consider this statement to be a diss. It’s perfectly normal to stray from the kind of guy you usually date. If you really believe that this relationship has staying power, tell them about all the great things you have in common with your boyfriend. If you’re on the fence with this guy as-is, ask your friend to elaborate.