Signs A Guy Wants To Get To Know You, Not Just Sleep With You

Any guy who says he doesn’t want to sleep with a woman that he’s started seeing is probably lying, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s all he’s interested in. Instead of aiming to “hit it and quit it,” many of us are interested in dating and forming real connections. So how do you distinguish one group of guys from the other? Here are some signs that a guy wants to get to know you, not just hop into bed with you.

  1. He clears his schedule for you. Admittedly, some guys will rearrange their schedule for someone if they think it’ll lead to sex. However, most of us will only do things on our terms and our schedule unless we really care about you. If you know that a guy is always making time for you and willing to see you when it’s convenient for you and not just him, it usually means he wants to get to know you on a deeper level.
  2. Dates don’t always end in sex. One way to test a guy’s priorities is to go on a date that you know won’t end in bed. For example, meet him for lunch or coffee in the middle of the day. It’s okay to be a little suspicious if he doesn’t want to do that. This is why guys who are only after sex will only see you late at night when it’s easy to make the transition to sex. If he agrees to a date with no chance of sex or doesn’t always expect it at the end of the date, he’s interested in getting to know you and possibly dating you.
  3. He calls you cute. Most guys aren’t shy about giving out compliments but pay attention to the exact words. If he calls you “hot,” he’s only referring to your physical appearance and that might be all that he wants. But when a guy calls you “cute,” he’s usually referring to the whole package. It means he likes how you look but also your personality and how everything comes together. This is usually a good indication that he’s feeling you on more than just a physical level.
  4. You meet his friends. Unless you coerce him into it, it’s always a good sign when a guy introduces you to his friends. It’s usually a sign that he thinks you’ll be around a while. The more times he brings you around his friends, the more you should trust that he’s serious about dating you for the long term.
  5. He acts like a gentleman. Guy’s attitudes and intentions are often made obvious by their actions. If he’s making an effort to act like a gentleman, it means he cares about making a good impression and being a good date. If he’s only looking for sex, he won’t care that much about coming across as a good guy. Instead, he’ll just be trying to figure out how quickly you might sleep with him rather than worrying about being a good guy.
  6. He makes plans more than a day ahead of time. For guys whose top priority is sex, they want what they want when they want it. They usually aren’t thinking too far ahead. When he’s asking you out more than a couple of days ahead of time, it’s a sign that he genuinely wants to get to know you and spend time with you. He wants you to clear space on your schedule for him rather than just trying to sleep with any woman who’s free at that time.
  7. You discuss your past relationships. This isn’t necessarily something that happens a lot in casual relationships. Sharing dating history only happens when you think things might get a little more serious. If he’s just looking to sleep with you, he won’t care about your past relationships and he won’t be in a rush to share that information about himself. If, however, he’s open to digging deep, that must be because he feels there’s a reason to do so.
  8. He cuddles after sex. With most guys, cuddling isn’t at the top of the priority list. For a guy who’s only interested in sleeping with you, cuddling is a non-starter. You probably won’t be able to get him to spend the night, much less spend some time cuddling. However, a guy who’s willing to cuddle is usually interested in dating you more long-term. If he’s a good guy, he’ll know that you probably want to cuddle and that it’ll make you happy. Even if he’s not the biggest fan of cuddling, he’ll know that it’s something that you do when you’re dating someone. The moment a guy is willing to cuddle with you, it’s safe to assume that he’s looking to do more than just sleep with you.

How to make a guy interested in you for more than sex

Generally speaking, you can’t control a guy’s intentions. If he’s planning on being an eternal bachelor and he likes it that way, nothing you can do will make him want to get to know you and spend time with you outside the bedroom. However, there are some things you can do to provoke his interest and make him think dating you might not be such a bad idea.

  1. Don’t always be available when he gets in touch. You’ve likely heard of the thrill of the chase, and most guys really do love it. While you shouldn’t play games like being purposely aloof or treating him mean to keep him keen, so to speak, you should definitely keep your distance in the beginning. You don’t always have to jump to him the minute he gets in touch. This will send the message that you’re a busy woman with a full life and if he wants to be part of it, he’ll have to do some work.
  2. Don’t sleep with him too soon. In theory, you should be able to have sex with a guy on the first date without it making one iota of difference to what he thinks of you. Sadly, some guys will use this as an excuse to treat you as disposable and look down on you. They get into their heads that you’re only good for a quick hookup and aren’t girlfriend material, which obviously isn’t the truth. Make him wait for it, at least for a little while. You’re worth it, after all.
  3. Steer the conversation away from the sexual. Innuendos and sexting can go a long way in increasing sexual tension, but if you want him to want to get to know you more, you’ll need to get him interested in your mind, not just your body. At least for a little while, try to talk about things that will help you connect on a deeper level. There will be plenty of time for the sexy stuff down the line.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.