10 Signs He Doesn’t Think Your Relationship Is Going To Last (But He Won’t Tell You)

A guy who sees no future with you but who likes you might not be so candid about what he really wants. He might string you along, leaving you to put the puzzle pieces together. Here are 10 signs he’s not in it for the long haul even if he says he is.

  1. He refuses to define things. He never has the talk with you about where things are going or what he’d like the relationship to be. It’s like he’s just going with the flow, which is pretty damn convenient because it means he doesn’t have to stress about the future. He doesn’t see a future—at least not with you.
  2. He’s mysterious about his life. He’s not just mysterious about what he wants from your relationship, he’s also secretive about his life in general. While this might seem sexy at first because you want to try to pick his brain, over time you’re going to start seeing that it’s a sign he’s not investing in the relationship because he’s keeping himself locked away. That’s not the behavior of a guy who wants to build a future with you.
  3. He speaks in code. Does it feel like trying to understand Urdu or advanced physics when talking to this guy? When you ask him something and he gives you the most complicated answer that leaves your head spinning, you know that he’s trying to waffle his way out of dealing with your relationship status.
  4. He gives you mixed messages. He always contradicts himself, which pisses you off. If you’re regularly angry with this guy or throwing your hands up in the air because you don’t really know what he means from one minute to the next, that’s a bad sign. A guy who changes his mind more often than he changes his socks is a huge red flag. He’s not in this for the future. That’s not because he doesn’t know what he wants—he does, he just doesn’t want to tell you that there’s no future for the two of you.
  5. He’s inconsistent. He loves you like crazy one day then treats you like you’re a side piece the next. What keeps you holding on is that when he’s amazing, really amazing. But honestly, a guy who truly deserves to be called a catch by you wouldn’t be so inconsistent. He should be amazing all the time!
  6. He says you should just live for today. When you try to talk about your relationship and the future, he’s quick to try to bring you back into the present moment. Yeah, he’s got a lust for life or whatever BS he says, but what he’s really trying to do is make you forget about the future. It’s convenient for him to chill and have fun with you, and he wants you to be on the same page.
  7. He makes future plans but never about serious things. You might think that because he makes plans for you to go to Italy together, the guy wants you in his life and future. But hold on a sec. Is he making future plans that are about serious things like moving in together? If not, and you’ve been dating for months without him even hinting at those relationship milestones, the guy’s not serious about you.
  8. He says it was love at first sight but he never says the “l” word. When he first met you, he might’ve acted as though he was crazy about you, but now that you’ve been dating for a while, he never actually tells you he loves you. He might even act as though he doesn’t have feelings for you. What BS. A guy who can’t put a label on it doesn’t deserve to have it. Case closed.
  9. He doesn’t seem to care about making a good impression. Although you might write him down as confident or carefree, take a closer look at his behavior. If he doesn’t care about making a good impression with you and taking your feelings into account, he’s telling you that you’re not his priority. Is that the kind of guy you want in your life? Hell no. Don’t consider him carefree, confident, or just not interested in what others think. The guy’s giving you a clear message: he’s only careless about things that concern you.
  10. He can’t communicate in a healthy way. Not only does he lack openness but he’s a terrible communicator. He interrupts you or ignores you or he just doesn’t say what’s really on his mind. Before you write him off as lacking healthy communication skills, consider this: maybe he’s actually just not in the mood to speak up because you could use his words against him or GTFO. He’s being selective about what he says because he’s not making promises that he won’t be able to cash out later concerning a possible future for the two of you. You know what? He’s doing you a favor. Get out now!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.