Signs He Is Making Love To You, Not Just Having Sex With You

You have serious feelings for him and when you sleep together, it actually means something. However, while the chemistry is almost too hot to handle, you’re not sure if he’s on the same page. If you’re struggling to figure out whether a guy is making love to you or just having sex, look for these signs that it’s deep for him too.

1. He sets the scene with candles. This shows that he cares enough to at least pre-empt your arrival. Maybe he even went to a shop to pick one up or to get one that reminded him of you. His willingness to set the scene and make you feel comfortable shows that he isn’t just in it for his own pleasure. This is one of the more obvious signs he’s all about making love rather than just trying to get laid. He’s making an effort and that means something.
2. He made a playlist – not just Spotify-generated. This is the ’90s equivalent of burning a CD or cassette with someone’s name pasted over the top and encircled with a red heart. The playlist will be filled with songs that remind him of you or that you introduced him to. The fact that this gesture features as part of your sex routine shows all the ways that he’s integrating you into his day-to-day life. He might not be in love yet, but it’s definitely one of the sweeter signs it’s crossed over into making love territory.
3. He washed the sheets. Okay, I know some elements of this list will seem like the bare minimum, but one way to show that his feelings for you are becoming something more is things like this. If he does these things of his own accord and you aren’t nagging him or behaving like his mother, it shows he views you as his equal, or someone who he can serve in return. When he knows he has to pull his weight too, that’s when he’s making love to you — the signs couldn’t be clearer.
4. He gets you off. I wish I could say that this was the bare minimum, but for a lot of women, the orgasm gap is a consistent reality of having sex with men. However, when he’s really interested in you, and when you’ve been through the wringer enough times to know each other’s minds and bodies, you will find yourself very attuned to each other’s needs. It means your sex life is getting objectively better, which only increases with his affection for you.
5. He wasn’t afraid to ask how to make you feel good. This is such a sexy move from guys when they can put their egos aside and focus on how to make you feel good. It demonstrates that sex isn’t just something that he wants to get something out of for himself, but it’s something he wants to share with you.
6. He understands and respects your boundaries. Having sex with someone for the first time doesn’t always mean that there’s time or space to assert your boundaries with all that much nuance. However, over time, and with the benefit of time, you will find that a guy who really understands, challenges, and seeks to understand your boundaries will be halfway to loving you already.
7. He knows that no means no. This is a basic non-negotiable and an extension of respecting your boundaries. But, if he has loudly, unequivocally, and frequently reasserted this fact to you so that you both really know it, that’s a great sign. He wants you to be comfortable and at home with him, and that clarity and assurance help you to be vulnerable in return. He knows fundamentally that you don’t owe him anything, sexual or otherwise.
8. You feel a connection with him. If the guy you’re seeing starts to get stars in his eyes and talk about your future together, it shows that he’s making love to you. You have this great connection where talking seems effortless, the sex is great – and improving – and you can see where you guys could go together. You have a relationship and a timeline, rather than waiting on the next 3 am booty call.

More signs he’s making love to you and it’s not just sex

1. He loves to make eye contact. This is one of the more intimate acts during sex and therefore one of the biggest signs he’s making love to you rather than just trying to get off. It feels more personal and intentional than just using each other as warm bodies on a cold night. It shows that he wants to see you, respond to you, and know you.
2. He checks in with you. Sex isn’t just a one-stop show – it certainly shouldn’t be anyway. There are always lots of different stages and escalations which is why it’s important to have a check-in. Enthusiastic consent needs to be continually given throughout the process, not once vaguely at the start. He will make you feel safe and seen throughout each new thing you try together.
3. He wants to experiment. This is another sign he’s into making love and not just having sex. You always want to be with someone who will push you in one way or another. That’s no different on the physical side of things. If the person you’re seeing really loves you, they will want to improve both of your experiences because you see a future together and sex is all about ironing out the kinks. Literally. Where short-term partners might criticize or joke about something that went wrong or differently during sex when you’re making love you know that experimentation is a good thing for your sex life.
4. You feel safe with each other. When someone is making love with you, you feel safe. Yes, it’s always a bit more exciting sleeping with someone new, but that feeling doesn’t compare to when you know you can just show up and be enough. When the relationship is just physical, neither of you has that feeling.
5. He goes slow – or at your pace. It’s always a great sign that someone is really invested when they are totally happy to go at your pace. So much so that they don’t even really draw attention to the fact you’re being accommodated. Guys who are all about hitting it and quitting it will just pound away at you until they’re done. A guy who takes his time is showing major signs that he’s all about making love.
6. You have fun even when you don’t orgasm. This shows that you’re both in this together and you’re not focused on trying to prove anything. You might even start to hang out without sleeping together at all! In other words, it’s all about closeness and connection. Getting off is an added bonus, of course, but you still enjoy yourself even without it.
7. You feel no pressure, just trust. It’s great to know that you can trust another person and their intentions. For example, you can kiss someone or fool around without feeling like you “owe” them sex. Or, you can meet up and talk about your day rather than feel like you’re just there for sex.
8. He makes you breakfast in the morning. This is essentially his way of presenting to you a contract for a relationship. There is no other message that more clearly demonstrates that a guy is in love, rather than just sleeping with a girl. He planned ahead, made you comfortable, and put you on no timeline. You have a place in his life now. That’s when you know for sure.