Sometimes a guy looks great on paper, but then you realize he’s somewhat of a dud a few weeks into the relationship. This doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, it just means that the two of you are incompatible. If you’ve had a few relationships that have fallen apart, it’s possible that you’re just attracted to men who are incapable of giving you what you need. Here are a few signs to look out for next time.
- He refuses to compromise. Compromise is literally one of the most important aspects of any relationship. The two of you may have a lot of similarities, but you’re still two completely different people. And if he’s unwilling to go see the movies you want to see or go to a concert that you’d enjoy more than he would, he’s incapable of being a good partner. Your relationship should be balanced. If not, you’ll find yourself more lonely than when you were single.
- He’s bad with scheduling dates. Not just romantic dates, but dates in general. If it feels like you’re his personal secretary, you’re putting too much of your time trying to make him a functioning adult. That arrangement might work for now, but pretty soon, you’re going to start resenting him for it.
- Your sex drives never seem to match. High libido? Low libido? They’re both fine, as long as needs are being met. If he keeps making excuses about why he can’t sleep with you, your self-esteem is going to take a nosedive. These things often don’t change, so if you’re unhappy with the amount of sex in your relationship, don’t expect things to miraculously get better in a few months.
- When you mention marriage, he freezes. Not every couple is destined to get married, and that’s OK. What’s not okay is one partner leading the other on for years. If he doesn’t actually answer the question about a timeline or seems repulsed at every wedding you attend together, this guy isn’t going to commit to you long-term. Also, he’s awful at communication. Couples should be able to talk about anything, even if it’s uncomfortable or may lead to a fight.
- He never treats for anything. Every couple has their own financial situation worked out, but if this guy won’t lend you $5 for an ice cream (or makes you pay him back immediately), you’re going to feel more like his roommate than his partner. Even if he’s stingy with money, he needs to make you a priority and realize that if this relationship is set to go the distance, you’ll eventually need to collaborate a bit more financially.
- You have to ask him to do the same chores over and over. It’s insulting when people don’t listen to you the first time around, but if your boyfriend is so bad with taking direction that it’s almost like talking to a toddler, there’s no way this relationship will last without a ton of resentment on your side.
- He comments about how he’s never been in a relationship this long. In his head, it probably sounds sweet, but really it’s a warning sign. No, every boyfriend shouldn’t come equipped with a resume of long-term relationships — dating history will always differ from person to person. But if this guy is almost amazed that your courtship has lasted so long and brings it up a lot, it means there’s probably a red flag right around the corner. That, or he’s just not a great boyfriend.
- He ignores you. Either he’s distracted by something else or he just doesn’t know how to respond. Even an “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, sorry” or a “Can you say that again?” is better than pure silence. Chances are, you want to be with someone you can have a natural conversation with. If you’re getting shut out on the regular, this relationship just isn’t built to last.
- He gets nervous when he touches you. Are you and your boyfriend 16? If not, there’s no reason why he should be so unnatural when it comes to touching you. If handholds are always sweaty and clammy and his back rubs are awkward and give you more pain than pleasure, this relationship is just physically awkward. It may get better with time, but it’s probably just the way he is.
- He sides with his mom over you. Moms are a wonderful thing (at least most of the time). Before you two are married, it may make sense if he takes her word over yours. But if it happens all the time and dates are cut short because his mom wants him home at a certain time, you’re not dating an individual, you’re dating a mama’s boy. Be prepared to feel like the third wheel throughout the remainder of your relationship.
- He can’t make his mind up about anything. Don’t even bother asking him to pick a restaurant for dinner since you’ll never get your answer. It’s normal for people to be indecisive, but if this guy is terrible at making any choices at all, you’re going to be carrying the mental and emotional labor 24/7. You need a man who’ll step up and tell you exactly what he’s in the mood for.
- You always have to explain your jokes to him. This is one of the biggest signs that the two of you have compatibility issues. Jokes lose their punch when you have to explain them to your partner. Not only are you wasting precious time by trying to get him on the same page, but your pride will take a major hit. Here’s the good news: it’s not you. A better match won’t need you to outline your particular sense of humor. He’ll get you for you and know the best quip to follow up with.
