11 Signs He’s Still Obsessed With His Ex

11 Signs He’s Still Obsessed With His Ex ©iStock/fotolaki

So, you’ve met this awesome guy. He’s sweet, intelligent, and he even offers to take you out on a romantic date.  It all seems great until you’re actually on the date. All of a sudden, things seem “off,” for lack of a better term. Then it hits you: this guy might not be over his last relationship quite yet. If you’re not quite sure if he’s actually ready to move on yet or he’s still obsessed with his ex, keep an eye out for these crucial signs:

  1. He talks about her… a lot. It’s OK to have a one-off conversation about how crazy your ex is, but when every other word is about how she used to like eating burritos, or how she sneezes like a bunny, it’s a sign that he’s not over her. Even if all the things he says are negative, it’s still not a good sign. It might just mean that he’s going to take all the things that she did to him out on you.
  2. He says that he’s really into you, but it really doesn’t seem like he is. Do you get the feeling that he’d rather be with someone else? Does it seem like he’s trying to make it seem as if he’s happy with you, when he’s not? If you’re getting those disinterested vibes, but he keeps insisting he’s into you, it’s probably because he’s viewing you as a rebound.
  3. He brags about being over her. He’s taking you to their hangouts. He’s making a point of flaunting you to her friends, as well as mutual friends. If he had a neon sign attached to him, it would say something along the lines of, “I’M HAPPY! LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT HOW HAPPY I AM WITH THIS NEW PARTNER! ARE YOU JEALOUS YET? LOOK! I WON THE BREAKUP!”
  4. If he openly tells you he’s still getting over her, he’s not over her. This is plain as day, and it means that you’re probably wasting your time. At this point, he’s basically using you as therapy.
  5. You’ve found out that she still plays a major role in his life. If any sign should make you feel wary of starting a relationship with this guy, or continuing a relationship with this guy, it’s that she’s still in his life in a major way. If he’s still living with her, meeting her on the regular, and texting her heavily, this is a sign that he isn’t over her. In fact, it’s quite possible that he’s cheating on you with her, or is about to. The fewer boundaries he’s willing to establish with her, the worse of a sign it is.
  6. She’s not exactly chill with getting out of his life. She still drops by. She tries to twist your boyfriend’s arm into meeting up for a coffee or doing something for her. At times, this can just be a “crazy ex” thing, but if your boyfriend isn’t resisting or isn’t trying to draw a line, this relationship may be doomed from the start.
  7. He’s called out her name in bed. It’s hard not to take this as a personal affront. It’s also nearly impossible to be blind to the writing on the wall. Should this happen to you, dump him, and don’t look back.
  8. The final acts of a breakup haven’t been done yet. If he hasn’t given her back her stuff, and if he’s still “In A Relationship” with her on Facebook, it’s safe to say that you’re either the other woman, or he hasn’t gotten over her yet. Either way, don’t you deserve more than that?
  9. You can’t help but notice how often he’s comparing you to her. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with comparing your current partner to an ex… as long as you keep it to yourself, and it’s sparingly done. When a guy can’t even shut his claptrap about how you measure up to his ex, it’s a sign that he’s looking for a replacement. It’s also a sign that he isn’t fully over her.
  10. When it comes to things like getting you to meet his parents or friends, or even putting your status as “In A Relationship,” he seems to drag his feet. This is a key warning sign of multiple problems in a potential relationship. When this is paired with her having an active role in his life, or when it’s paired with constant comparisons, it can be a strong sign that he’s still hoping that she’ll get back together with him.
  11. People have given you a warning that he’s still not over her, or that he’s obsessed with her. You have to thank the people who have given you a heads up. Truth be told, if people are already warning you about it, you most likely should listen.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.