7 Signs He’s Treating You Like An Option Rather Than His #1 Choice

You’ve been dating for a few weeks or even a few months now and things seem to be going well… well, sort of. You can’t shake the feeling that you’re more of an option to him than a priority, and if any of these things are happening, you’re probably right.

  1. Everything is according to his schedule. You ask him to hang out but he’s often “too busy” on most of the dates you suggest. He can, however, fit you in on Tuesday afternoon or on Saturday night at about 1 a.m. after he’s done with his guys’ night. Whenever you want to see him, there’s always an issue; you have to fit into his schedule every time—he never rearranges anything to fit into yours.
  2. He doesn’t think twice about canceling plans. Whenever something else comes up—and let’s be real, that happens regularly—he’s not particularly apologetic about canceling on you yet again. Even worse, he tends to do this last minute, as in an hour or so before you’re supposed to meet up. If you’re losing count of the number of times he’s left you hanging, there’s a serious problem.
  3. He ignores your texts but gets mad when you don’t reply right away. You text him with a question or even just to ask him about his day and get crickets in return. It takes him hours to reply to you and sometimes he just ignores you outright for days on end. However, when the tables are turned and texting him back isn’t your number one priority, it really enrages him. Talk about a double standard!
  4. He hasn’t deleted his dating profiles. He insists that he’s no longer active on his dating profiles (though you have no real way to verify them) but he also hasn’t explained why he doesn’t just go ahead and delete them. Every time you bring it up, he dodges the subject or makes a dumb excuse like that he doesn’t remember his password. He’s full of it, if that wasn’t terribly obvious.
  5. He rarely wants to spend the night or invites you to. He’s happy to come over to get laid, but after the deed is done, he’s quickly on his way again. Sure, he’s slept over once or twice, but only because he fell asleep accidentally, not because he actually planned to. Same goes for when you’re at his place—he’s never explicitly kicked you out but he doesn’t exactly make you feel welcome to stay.
  6. He’s vague and non-committal about future plans. You’re not asking him to name your future kids or pick your wedding venue, you simply want to know if he wants to go see Robyn in a few weeks and he can’t even commit to that. He says “maybe” or “I’ll have to see” quite a lot, making you wonder what exactly is going on in his life to make him so unable to make concrete plans.
  7. He likes to remind you about how you’re “just having fun.” He’s been known to mention how much “fun” he’s having with you and how much he “really likes hanging out.” While these words in and of themselves aren’t a bad thing, they are when it seems like he constantly brings them up as a reminder that he’s not taking what you have going on seriously at all. Do yourself a favor and instead of wasting any more time with him, kick him to the curb and move on to someone who truly values you. You deserve it.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill