As a guy, I’ll be the first to admit that not all of us are reputable characters. When it comes to relationships, many of us look out solely for ourselves, which is exactly what you shouldn’t do in a relationship. To help make up for the sins of my gender, I’m here to share some of the signs that the guy you’re dating has his own agenda and is just using you. Equally important, I’ll tell you what can you do about it so that you don’t waste your time with a selfish partner.
- Everything is on his schedule. Does he only see you when it’s convenient for him? Does he rarely text you back right away? These are clear indicators that he’s only interested in a relationship on his terms and his schedule. He’s using you because you’re willing to make everything revolve around him, which is what he wants. If this behavior turns into a pattern, trying saying no when he asks you to hang out. Instead, suggest a time that works better for your schedule. If he’s not willing to bend a little, it means he’s using you because you’re nice and amenable to his whims. Time to walk away!
- You always stay in. The thing about “going out” with someone is that it usually involves going out. If all a guy wants to do early in a relationship is stay in, he might be using you. Even if he has good excuses, he’s still only doing what he wants. Think about it: by staying in, he doesn’t have to take you out to dinner or movies or anywhere else. Plus, when you stay in, the bedroom is always close by. With guys like this, you have to be insistent that they take you out on actual dates. Otherwise, the guy is just using you as his casual hook-up and/or secret girlfriend.
- He never spends the night. This should be obvious but it’s worth mentioning. Unless you can confirm that you’re dating a farmer, a guy should be spending the night with you at least sometimes. Otherwise, he’s just coming over and using you for his sexual whims and then leaving. Unless you’re cool with that, it’s all about his terms and his schedule. First, you should make it clear that he’s invited to spend the night. If that’s not enough, ask him nicely to spend the night. If he still says no, he’s using you and has no intention of ever getting serious.
- He’s selfish in bed. Okay, so not everyone is going to knock your socks off in bed, but guys can control how much effort they put in, right? If he seems interested in satisfying your needs in the bedroom, he’s most likely just using you for sex. Most guys will get away with this as long as you let them. Sadly, all you can do is encourage him to be more giving in bed. If he still doesn’t put forth more effort, cut him loose because he’s just a jerk.
- He’s selfish outside bed. Some guys can be selfish both in bed and outside the bedroom. For instance, is he always asking for favors or needing to borrow money? Does he seem to have a problem with compromise? If so, it means he’s a selfish dude who’s using you. This type of guy is like a vampire who’s sucking everything he can out of the relationship. If you want to make it work with this kind of guy, you have to put your foot down and tell him that the relationship needs to have a little more give and take.
- He doesn’t talk about commitment. Most guys aren’t going to be in a rush to talk about commitment, but we all know that talk is going to come eventually. Any guy who just dismisses you when you bring up commitment is just using you. It means he wants to dictate the terms of the relationship without any input from you. That’s not how relationships are supposed to work. In this situation, all you can do is tell him what you want from the relationship. If he won’t even listen, he’s clearly not a good fit.
- He doesn’t get personal. The early part of dating is all about getting to know the other person, right? If he isn’t willing to share personal information about himself, something fishy is going on. Occasionally, he’ll have a good reason for this, but most of the time, he’s just using you and has no intention of ever moving forward with the relationship. Try to remind him that you don’t know that much about him and that you want him to share things with you. If that’s not enough, you’re probably just wasting your time by staying in the relationship.
- He shows no affection. In fairness, a lot of guys hate PDA. But the more you date someone, the more comfortable you should be showing them affection, at least in private. If he doesn’t want to touch you outside of sex, there’s something wrong. There’s a good chance he’s just using you and doesn’t have strong feelings for you. You can at least ask him why he’s not more affectionate with you. If he doesn’t have a good answer, it’s a safe bet that he’s using you.
- You’ve never met his friends. If he’s just using you and has no long-term plans for the relationship, there’s no reason for him to introduce you to his friends. Guys only do that if they feel pressured into it or they think the relationship is going somewhere. If you’ve yet to meet his friends, ask nicely if you can do that. His response will tell you a lot about whether he’s willing to do something to make you happy or if he’s just using you as a means to an end.
