You’ve been seeing each other for a while and are on the brink of sealing the relationship deal but something’s holding you back. There are little red flags popping up left and right that he might be using you and you really shouldn’t ignore them.
He’s always asking you to spot him some cash.
Maybe it’s a little thing like a Slurpee at 7-11 or subway fare to head downtown but little things add up. He knows you’re a good person and won’t say no to those sparkling eyes and his delightful dimple, but beware of his charm and subtle moves. If you bring it up and ask him to spot you for once and he gets shady or can’t reciprocate the favor, you know he’s using you.
You’ve never met his friends or family.
Let’s be frank: if you haven’t met the important people in his life, you’re probably not one either. Maybe his parents live a couple towns away or your schedules never match up with his friends, but if he really wanted you to be a part of his life, he’d make it happen. Most likely you’re just a booty call, so drop him on his butt instead.
Your pad is his crash pad.
Does he show up at odd hours of the night, especially after a night out with the guys or before an early morning at work, which is conveniently located around the corner from your place? If sleepovers are a thing in your relationship, they should involve a night together: dinner, a movie, hitting up a bar or sitting at home watching your favorite series until you’re both comatose on the sofa. You need to both benefit, otherwise, he’s the only one getting perks here.
His carelessness is costing you money.
He’s a little forgetful sometimes and you’re sympathetic. I get it—we’ve all run out of the house and forgotten our car keys on the counter or that important portfolio for your boss’s meeting at noon. But when you have a date—coffee, drinks, dinner—and he keeps forgetting his wallet, there’s clearly something fishy going on. Call him out, watch him cower and cringe, and walk away for good.
Commitment? What’s that?
If commitment is the dirty word in his dictionary, you know you have problems. Don’t stand for the excuses like “I’m bad at making plans” or “I just like to go with the flow, babe.” If he can’t plan more than a couple days ahead and doesn’t want to commit to your cousin’s wedding in May or a weekend getaway in a couple weeks’ time, he doesn’t want to commit. Period.
His nickname could be Mickie the Moocher.
Your favorite pair of Bluetooth headphones and that coffee press that makes the best cup o’ joe have been “borrowed” by him for a few weeks now. Sometimes he borrows your car for “an hour” but is really gone for three. This boy is moochin’. He’s not looking for a serious relationship, he’s looking for a serious sugar mama. Get your things back, change the locks, and make sure he’s on the other side of the door.
He comes. He came. He leaves.
Yay, he texted you! Can he come over? You have semi-satisfying sex and then he has an excuse to leave. Cuddles are rare, pillow talk nearly nonexistent. Here’s the hard truth: this man isn’t in it for the long-haul. He comes over when he’s feeling in the mood, gets what he needs, and moves along. There are so many men out there that aren’t selfish pigs in the sack. Don’t let this guy waste your bed space any longer!
The important people in your life are skeptical.
They’ve probably only met him a few times (because it’s hard to pin down a time to get him together with them) but they’re skeptical already. They hear the way he’s treating you, the way the relationship is running askew, and they know before you do: this guy is playing around. Listen to them—their lack of loved-up puppy dog eyes means they can see right through his dimpled charm to the truth and they just want to see you treated like you deserve!
You have feelings—does he know that?
You need more affection, commitment, and kindness but he can’t offer it. You bring it up and he makes fun, offers excuses, or puts you down. If your feelings don’t matter, he’s not a partner but a parasite and it’s time to debug your life.
He’s like Casper but not so friendly.
Sometimes you don’t hear from him for days, then he texts you like nothing happened. This isn’t a relationship at all but a one-way street—and he’s the only one getting what he wants. It’s time to turn the texting tides on him and ignore, ignore, ignore. Ghost him for good and teach him that you’re not wasting time with game players.
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