It’s important to make your relationship a priority, but it shouldn’t steal all the time and energy from the rest of your life. Here are 11 signs you’re giving way too much to your boyfriend and not enough to yourself.
You’re keeping tabs on him. You want to rush over to his place before he goes out with his friends so you can cook him dinner. You make sure you’re available when he’s online on Facebook so you can chat. If you’re always checking up on him to synchronize yourself and your life with him, it’s probably a sign that you’re spending a lot of time thinking about him. You’re also not allowing things to happen naturally. It takes a helluva lot of work!
You’re the first to contact him. How often does he contact you compared to how often you’re the one to initiate conversations with him? If the latter regularly outweighs the former, you’re putting him first too much and he’s not reciprocating.
You’re constantly exhausted. You return home after spending the weekend at his place and you feel totally bombed. You could sleep for days. If this happens regularly, it could be a sign that you’re giving too much energy to him and not enough to other things in your life, such as getting enough rest and relaxation. FYI, being tired around your boyfriend all the time can also be a sign that he’s toxic for you, so beware.
You ignore your needs. You really need to go on that spa holiday with your BFFs, but your boyfriend “needs” you so you decide to cancel your plans to be with him instead. If this happens often, it’s not healthy because you’re totally blinded to your own needs and wants, plus the rest of your life along with the important people in it. It’s like you’re expecting him to fulfill you in every way, but that’s just not possible or healthy.
You’ve changed your hobbies. You used to love horse riding or hitting new clubs with your besties, but because your boyfriend doesn’t like doing those things in his spare time, you’ve stopped doing them too. It’s really important to maintain your independence in a relationship, no matter how much your partner means to you. You’re missing out if you don’t have time to do things that are fun and important to you.
Your boyfriend’s not around when you need him. Although you’re always putting him first, even when your needs conflict with his, he doesn’t do the same thing for you. When you need him, he’s not around. Ugh. This is a clear sign that you’re giving too much of yourself and not getting enough in return. It’s a lot of wasted energy, TBH.
You allow his opinions to affect you. If he says he dislikes your favorite red dress, you’ll stop wearing it. If he says he doesn’t like how friendly you are to guys in your workplace, you become the office ice queen. Of course your partner’s opinions and thoughts are important to you, but they shouldn’t change who you are!
You always give him another chance. It’s one thing to try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but if you’re doing this all the time, you’re basically saying that he matters more than you do. You’re dropping your standards to accommodate him, meaning that you’re quite happy to become less of yourself to keep this relationship going. It’s just not worth it.
You let him talk more. He’s always talking about his dreams, past, baggage, and more, while you’re the one who never gets asked the deeper questions about your life. Although it’s good to listen, it’s not fair if you never get a chance to express who you are and what’s important to you. If you accept this, you’re allowing yourself to disappear in the relationship because it’s all about him.
You help him solve his problems. Whenever there’s drama in his life, you’re the one who goes to help him clean it up. You’re basically his go-to woman at any and all hours. When his problems start interfering with your life and what you need to do for yourself, it’s a clear sign you’re making him too much of a priority for your own good. You’re not his mother, for goodness’ sake.
You never say no to him. No matter what he asks of you, you never say no to him. You’re always available and try to fit into his schedule. The danger of living in this way is that you’re literally revolving your life around him, pushing aside things that are important to you. With so little time in the day as it is, it’s really unfair for you to give him so much of it, don’t you think? Besides, saying no sometimes is a display of your standards, which you need to have in order to have healthy relationships.
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