11 Signs You’re Not On A Date But Just “Hanging Out”

Just because a guy takes you out, doesn’t mean he considers it an actual date. Sometimes you end up finding out the hard way that the signals got crossed. If these 11 things happen while you’re out with him, it’s time to start re-evaluating if you two are on the same page.

  1. He asks you to pick him up. I mean, if you live in a city, it’s possible he doesn’t have a vehicle. But with public transportation and private rideshare options aplenty, there are multiple ways to get somewhere. I would think if a man was trying to impress you, he’d save face and find his own way. It’s great to be eco-friendly by carpooling, but I’d question this level of comfort. It’s just awkward.
  2. He talks about another woman. I don’t just mean rambling too much about why things didn’t work out with an ex. More like present tense raving about a current woman of interest. Even if it was the first date, of course he wouldn’t be committed to you already and may still be seeing other women. However, talking about another woman while he’s with you is a sign that she’s the one on his mind. He may even be intentionally bringing her up as a passive-aggressive way of letting you know he’s just not into you in that fashion. That’s not cool.
  3. He answers texts and calls from another woman. This is even worse than the last one. Not only does she have his attention, but she’s also getting his time while he’s with you! Why even bother going out with you at all if he’s still going to be playing the field right in front of your face? He’s either really rude and disrespectful or he thinks it’s not a problem because he views you as “one of his buddies.” Either way, I would write off a potential boyfriend option for this.
  4. He tells you not to dress up. Men aren’t always direct communicators. If he makes a point of telling you to be casual for an outing that could appropriately involve dressier attire (a restaurant, perhaps), he’s letting you know not to make a big deal of things. This doesn’t apply, of course, if nicer clothes wouldn’t suit the location (like an indoor rock-climbing date, for example).
  5. He doesn’t pay. It seems like going dutch has become the normal trend these days. But expecting you to cover the whole cost? If you ask a guy to spend time with you and he fully takes you up on that offer with his presence and your wallet, he’s not taking you seriously as a dating option. I had a guy once make me pay for movie tickets while he offered to just buy me a soda. Not even popcorn…ouch.
  6. He asks if he can bring someone. If you were looking forward to one on one time with your dream guy and he tries to bring a tag-a-long, it’s safe to say this isn’t a romantic encounter. Three’s a crowd and third-wheeling doesn’t exist for first dates. He’s just trying to chill.
  7. He gives you a cut-off time in advance. Unless he has to go to work afterward, this is sketchy behavior. He’s either on probation and has a curfew, married, or double-booked on outings with the opposite sex for the evening. Whatever the reason is, I wouldn’t entertain someone who tells you they need to end things early. This is just too suspect for me.
  8. He rejects physical touch. If a guy is interested in you, the thought of getting to be close to you will be at the top of his mind. Nothing like realizing you misread his messages when you try to hold his hand and get rejected.
  9. He leaves you on your own while you’re out together. If you two go out together, it would make sense he would want to spend time with you while you’re there. Unless you were just his wingman in his mind. I went to a club with a guy once and he left me to fend for myself out on the dance floor with other men. I later found him mingling on his own. It was disappointing, to say the least.
  10. He openly tells you certain venues are off-limits. This one stinks. You get in the car with a guy you thought was a potential beau and he asks, “So, where do you wanna go?” Before you can think of somewhere, he lets you know, “We can’t do the movies, though, because I only take women I’m on a date with there.” Was that not what this was?
  11. He only wants to come over to your place. Make no mistake, he does want you…just not as a serious partner. Trust me, even if a guy is low on funds, he will find a way to afford a date with a woman he’s really interested in. He is also avoiding being seen with you in public. Not good signs and I’d leave it alone.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer