Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Woman (And How To Change If You Are One)

Emotionally unavailable people find it difficult to deal with and express their emotions. By extension, they also find it difficult to get emotionally close to someone else, which can make dating and relationships complicated. If none of your relationships seem to work out, it could be that you’re emotionally unavailable and having a hard time receiving love. Read on to learn which signs point to an emotionally unavailable woman.

1. You’re reluctant to use labels. Typically, emotionally unavailable women don’t like to use labels. Terms like “girlfriend” or even “relationship” can be really daunting to them. They have trouble opening up, and since these words are usually attached to intimacy, they can seem very scary. According to Hack Spirit, not wanting to use labels to define your relationship can be a sign that you’re emotionally unavailable.
2. You hate committing to plans in advance. In the same way that emotionally unavailable women don’t like boxing themselves in with labels, they also tend to avoid other kinds of commitment. Most of the time, they will be reluctant to embrace relationship milestones that signify commitment, like moving in or getting engaged. They may even have trouble sticking to dates that are planned out in advance! Insider explains that this is one of the key signs of an emotionally unavailable person.
3. You won’t confide in anyone. Emotionally unavailable people tend to keep their emotions to themselves. They’ll have no problem talking someone’s ear off about small topics, like the weather or what they did that day. But they avoid the deep and meaningful conversations at all costs. If you’re emotionally unavailable, you might keep all your feeling inside and brush your partner off when they try to find out how you’re feeling.
4. You’re hot and cold. One of the most common signs of an emotionally unavailable woman is mixed messages. If you’re hot and cold, all over someone one minute and then pushing them away the next, it could be because you’re emotionally unavailable. The idea of getting close to your partner scares you, even if you like them a lot. So when you feel that you’re getting closer, you may intentionally sabotage the relationship or do something to reject the other person.
5. Your standards are over the top. There’s nothing wrong with having high standards. However, sometimes emotionally unavailable people use high standards as an excuse to avoid connecting with others. The truth is they don’t really care about standards. They’re just putting up extremely high barriers so that no one will be able to reach them. If your standards are unrealistic and over the top, it could be because you’re emotionally unavailable.
6. You avoid meeting your partner’s family or friends. Meeting the family and friends is a huge step in a relationship. So naturally, someone who has difficulty getting closer to their partner may find this milestone daunting and avoid it. If you never meet their friends and family, then you can’t progress to the next level—something that emotionally unavailable people may fear or want to avoid.
7. You freak out when your date shows you affection. Freaking out when your date or partner shows affection is another clue that you may be emotionally unavailable. While most people are over the moon when the person they like shows them affection, an emotionally unavailable person may have difficulty dealing with this. Therefore, you may reject gifts, public displays of affection, meaningful words, and other things that someone offers to show you that they care about you.
8. You don’t grow closer to your partner. The connection between two people grows as their relationship progresses. If you never become closer to your date or partner, it’s possible that you’re emotionally unavailable. Maybe you’re putting up walls to make sure that never happens. You might do this by refusing to acknowledge the relationship, meet their family, or have deep and meaningful conversations about your feelings.
9. Your partner does most of the work in the relationship. Emotionally unavailable people tend to leave most of the work in a relationship to the other person. They have trouble dealing with and expressing emotions, so it seems easier to not pursue a relationship at all. And if someone wants to be with them, all the work is going to fall on them. Is it always your partner or date calling first? Starting the conversation? Initiating catch-ups? Even if you like them a lot? A possible explanation is that you’re not available emotionally and find it overwhelming to pursue the relationship yourself.
10. You like to keep your dating options open. Most of the time, emotionally unavailable people like to keep their options open. They typically keep dating multiple people even after they find someone they like. And they refuse to be exclusive or commit to anything in the long term. Again, the emotion and intimacy that come with a relationship scare them, so they avoid feeling it by keeping their distance and their freedom.

If you’re an emotionally unavailable woman and want to change…

The good news is that you’re not doomed to be this way forever. Once you’re aware of your avoidant tendencies, you can actually begin to take steps to overcome them and transform your relationships and your life as a whole. It will take work and it won’t be an overnight change, but if you want it enough, it’s totally possible.

1. Dig deep to discover the root causes.  In order to overcome a problem, you need to figure out why you have it in the first place. Was there a specific event in your childhood or even in your recent past that triggered a change in your willingness to be emotionally available? Were you abandoned by a parent growing up or did a partner you loved betray you and break your heart? This might require you to confront some painful memories but it’s a necessary part of the healing journey.
2. Practice opening up slowly. It’s unlikely that you’re going to be willing and able to spill your guts to your partner and be a completely open book right away. That may never happen! However, you don’t need to worry about that. Instead, focus on the now and make small steps to becoming more emotionally available by opening up little by little. Allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to confide in someone you trust and notice how nothing bad happens when you do so. The more you see that it’s okay to open up, the easier it will become to do so.
3. Be honest about your struggles. Just because you’re an emotionally unavailable woman doesn’t mean you don’t want, need, or deserve love. If you’re seeing someone and you really want to make it work, it’s important to be open with them about your struggles and the fact that you’re trying to work on them and ultimately overcome them. You might be surprised just how supportive they’ll be in return.
4. Seek professional help if necessary. If you find that you’re still having trouble overcoming some of the deeper issues at hand, it may be time to seek the help of a professional. Look for a therapist who specializes in past trauma or attachment issues and commit yourself to working through things with them. This might just be the key to getting you to where you want to be.