Most people don’t intend to be self-centered, but sometimes, the way we act can come off as inconsiderate or dismissive without us even realizing it. If you’ve ever wondered why people seem distant, why friendships feel one-sided, or why others don’t seem as engaged with you as they used to be, it could be because your behavior is unintentionally selfish. The good news? Self-awareness is the first step toward change. Here are some signs you might be coming off as self-centered—and what you can do to fix it.
1. You Always Find An Excuse To Turn The Conversation Back To Yourself
Everyone likes to talk about themselves to some extent, but if you consistently redirect conversations back to your own experiences, it can come across as dismissive. If someone is opening up about a tough time and your immediate response is, “Yeah, that reminds me of when I…” instead of asking questions about their situation, it sends the message that their feelings are secondary to your own. According to Psychology Today, “Conversational narcissism is the tendency to steer conversations back to yourself.”
To fix this, practice active listening. Instead of thinking about how a story relates to you, ask follow-up questions that encourage the other person to keep talking. A good rule of thumb? Try to let the other person talk at least twice as much as you do before jumping in with your own experiences. Being genuinely interested in what others have to say builds stronger relationships.
2. You “Sympathize” With People In A Way That’s Actually Dismissive
Sometimes, people try to offer comfort in a way that actually makes the other person feel unheard. Saying things like, “At least it’s not worse,” or “That’s just life,” might be meant to put things in perspective, but they often come off as invalidating. True sympathy means acknowledging someone’s feelings, not rushing them to move past them. Verywell Mind reports that “Toxic positivity involves dismissing negative emotions and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy.”
The best way to show genuine support is to validate their emotions. Instead of brushing off their struggle, say something like, “That sounds really tough. I can see why you’d feel that way.” Sometimes, people don’t need advice or perspective—they just need to know they’re being heard.
3. You Never Think You’re Wrong
Confidence is great, but if you always assume you’re right and never stop to consider another perspective, it can make you seem self-centered. If people hesitate to argue with you because they know you won’t budge, or if you find yourself constantly defending your actions instead of reflecting on them, it might be time to reassess how open you are to other viewpoints. The Harvard Business Review suggests that “Being willing to admit you’re wrong isn’t just good for your relationships—it’s good for your own personal growth.”
Acknowledging when you’re wrong doesn’t make you weak—it makes you mature. The next time someone challenges your opinion, instead of immediately pushing back, pause and ask yourself, “What if they’re right?” Even if you don’t agree, showing a willingness to consider other perspectives makes you a more thoughtful and respected person.
4. You Think Everyone Likes You
Self-confidence is great, but assuming everyone loves you can lead to a lack of self-awareness. If you never stop to think about how your words or actions affect others because you assume no one could possibly have a problem with you, you might be missing some important social cues. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that “People tend to overestimate their likeability and the extent to which their conversations are enjoyed by others.”
Instead of assuming everyone enjoys your presence, pay attention to their reactions. Do people seem engaged when you talk, or do they seem eager to leave the conversation? Do they invite you places, or do you always have to invite yourself? Being more mindful of how people respond to you can help you develop a more accurate sense of your social impact.
5. You Ditch Plans If Something Better Comes Up
Flaking on plans because something “more fun” popped up is a classic self-centered move. It tells the other person that their time is less valuable than yours and that they’re just a backup option. Even if you think they won’t mind, repeated behavior like this can make people feel disrespected.
If you commit to plans, follow through. Emergencies happen, but skipping out just because a “better” plan came along is a surefire way to lose people’s trust. If you find yourself tempted to cancel, remind yourself that keeping your word shows integrity and that friendships are built on reliability.
6. You Ditch Plans Last Minute Without A Second Thought
Last-minute cancellations might not seem like a big deal to you, but for the other person, it can feel frustrating and disrespectful. If you frequently cancel plans at the last second, it signals that you don’t value the other person’s time. Whether it’s a dinner, a favor, or a casual meetup, repeated flakiness makes people hesitant to rely on you.
If you genuinely need to cancel, do it as early as possible and acknowledge the inconvenience. A simple “I’m really sorry for the late notice—I know this is frustrating” goes a long way. But if canceling is a habit, it’s time to take a hard look at why you keep making commitments you don’t actually intend to keep.
7. You Throw Loud Parties Without Thinking About How It Affects Your Neighbors
Hosting parties can be fun, but if you never stop to consider how your noise affects the people around you, it might be a sign you’re a little too wrapped up in your own world. Just because you’re having a good time doesn’t mean everyone else should have to deal with the consequences.
Being considerate means thinking beyond your own experience. If you live in an apartment or neighborhood with close neighbors, giving them a heads-up, keeping music at a reasonable level, or ending the party at a decent time shows basic respect. A little awareness can prevent a lot of unnecessary frustration.
8. You Bring Nothing To The Potluck But Make Sure To Grab A Plate First
Potlucks are about shared effort, but if you always show up empty-handed and still expect to eat, it comes across as entitled. Even if people say, “It’s fine,” they notice. It’s not about the food—it’s about contributing and showing appreciation for what others bring.
Fixing this is easy: bring something, even if it’s small. If you truly can’t contribute food, offer to help clean up or set up instead. Being thoughtful about how you participate in group activities makes a big difference in how people perceive you.
9. You Dictate Plans Without Asking What Anyone Else Wants To Do
There’s nothing wrong with making plans, but if you always assume your preferences take priority without checking in with others, it can come off as controlling. If every dinner, trip, or outing is based solely on what you want, people might start feeling like they don’t have a say.
Next time, before making plans, ask, “What do you guys feel like doing?” Being open to compromise and considering other people’s preferences shows that you value their input, not just your own.
10. You Accept Favors Without So Much As A “Thanks” Or A Return Gesture
There’s nothing wrong with accepting help, but if you constantly take without showing gratitude or returning the favor, it can make people feel used. Whether it’s borrowing money, getting rides, or relying on people for emotional support, failing to acknowledge their generosity can make it seem like you expect their kindness rather than appreciate it.
Fixing this is simple: say “thank you” and mean it. A small return gesture—whether it’s treating them to coffee, offering to help them in return, or simply acknowledging their effort—goes a long way. Relationships should feel balanced, not one-sided, and showing appreciation ensures that people feel valued, not taken advantage of.
11. You Forget People’s Names But Expect Them To Remember You
Forgetting a name once in a while is normal, but if you rarely make an effort to remember names while expecting others to remember yours, it can come off as self-important. It signals that you don’t value others as much as you expect to be valued, which can leave a bad impression.
Names matter because they make people feel acknowledged. If you struggle with remembering them, try repeating the name right after hearing it or associating it with something memorable. Making even a small effort to remember someone’s name can make them feel like they matter to you, rather than just another face in the crowd.
12. You Only Text First When You Need Something
Everyone has that one person in their life who only reaches out when they need a favor. If the only time you initiate conversations is when you need help, people will start to see you as transactional rather than as someone who genuinely cares about them.
The fix? Check in on people just because. A simple “Hey, how have you been?” without any requests attached shows that you value them beyond what they can do for you. Friendships thrive on mutual interest, not just convenience.
13. You Think People Owe You
Feeling entitled to special treatment, favors, or constant attention from others without giving anything in return is a major red flag. If you expect people to go out of their way for you but aren’t willing to do the same, it creates an imbalance that eventually pushes people away.
Gratitude and reciprocity are key to strong relationships. Instead of assuming people should accommodate you, ask yourself, “Would I do this for them?” If the answer is no, it might be time to reassess your expectations and start putting in the effort you want to receive.
14. You Think It’s Fine To Break Promises
If you frequently make promises—big or small—and don’t follow through, it sends the message that your word doesn’t mean much. Whether it’s promising to call someone back, help with a task, or show up somewhere, breaking commitments repeatedly can make people lose trust in you.
Being reliable is one of the most important traits in any relationship. If you know you can’t commit to something, it’s better to be honest upfront rather than overpromise and disappoint. People respect consistency, and keeping your word—even in small ways—shows that you take others seriously.
15. You Zone Out The Second The Conversation Isn’t About You
If you only engage in conversations when they’re about you but quickly lose interest when someone else is talking, it’s a clear sign of self-centeredness. People can tell when someone is just waiting for their turn to speak rather than genuinely listening. If you find yourself tuning out or getting impatient when the spotlight isn’t on you, it can make people feel unimportant.
The solution? Make a conscious effort to stay engaged. Nod, make eye contact, and ask follow-up questions. Showing interest in what others have to say builds stronger connections and makes people feel valued in your presence. A good conversation isn’t about waiting for your turn—it’s about truly sharing a moment with someone else.
