Cheating is never an easy situation to deal with. While the advice from your friends is usually that you should walk away immediately, that might not be the right way forward for you and your partner. There may be situations in which you might be able to save your relationship after an affair, though sometimes you really can’t and should just stop wasting your time.
You may be able to save your relationship if: you’re talking about it.
You can’t move past the cheating if you don’t speak up about how you’re feeling to your partner and allow him or her to do the same. Communication is key to getting on with your lives, hopefully together.
You may be able to save your relationship if: your partner has been honest.
Your partner has told you everything you wanted to know about the cheating, such as why it happened, how they feel about the other person, and what they want from your relationship. After being cheated on, you have lots of questions and your partner should be 100% honest in answering them if you’re going to move forward.
You may be able to save your relationship if: you’ve looked at the real issue.
Cheating is often a symptom of a relationship issue. If you and your partner are willing to look at underlying issues that caused the betrayal, then you’ll be much stronger to deal with the cheating aftermath, especially since it will take time to regain trust.
You may be able to save your relationship if: you’re not seeking revenge.
After hearing about the affair your partner had, it’s totally normal to be angry, but you know you can move on with them and work your way past the cheating if you don’t feel like you want to take revenge against your partner. You’re sad and angry, sure, but you’re not out to get them.
You may be able to save your relationship if: you’re not in a fairy tale state of mind.
One of the biggest hurdles when moving on from an affair is inside your own head. If you’re holding onto ideas that your relationship will go back to how it was before the cheating isn’t just unrealistic, it can harm your relationship progress. However, if you’re realistic about how the relationship will never be the same but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still have a healthy one, that’s a good sign.
You may be able to save your relationship if: you still love your partner.
While you won’t be able to see your relationship in exactly the same way after a betrayal, you should still feel really strongly about your partner. Do you still love them? Do you still feel you can trust them? If you truly feel that you can mentally move on from the affair instead of it forming a cloud over your relationship, then you could make things work.
You can’t save your relationship if: your partner is pushing you.
Sometimes what happens after a cheating episode is that the cheater tries to rush their partner along, hoping to move on from the affair and go back to normal. They might even get frustrated with their partner needing time to heal. That’s not cool! You’ve been hurt and you should be allowed to take as long as you need to process what happened. Patience is required. If your partner’s being an a**hole about it, then you should really consider if you should stay with them.
You can’t save your relationship if: there are unsaid things.
Remember what we said earlier about honesty? If your partner has told you what happened but there are holes in their story or their story keeps changing, that’s a huge red flag that they’re not someone with whom you should be building a future.
You can’t save your relationship if: you know it’s not in you.
You might be so anti-cheating that you just can’t imagine taking back a partner who betrayed you, and that’s your right. If you know you love the person but you can’t imagine ever feeling comfortable after what they did, then you need to listen to that voice.
You can’t save your relationship if: you’re blaming yourself.
If you blame yourself for why your partner cheated, this could cause you to feel like you should stay with them even if you know deep down that you shouldn’t. The bottom line: you’re not to blame for why your partner cheated on you. Ever. No matter what problems you’re experiencing in your relationship, they still made the choice to betray you instead of work on them. If they guilt you over their cheating, it’s time to run for the nearest exit.
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