Signs Your Ex Is Confused About Their Feelings For You

When you break up with someone you truly loved and were with for a long time, it can be devastating. Even if you know it’s for the best, it’s not always easy to walk away from your partner. After a breakup, people process breakups in different ways. It’s not always easy to just let go and move on without a second thought. Could your former partner be having second thoughts about going your separate ways? Here are some signs your ex is confused about their feelings for you and why it happens.

Why your ex might be unsure about your breakup

  1. You broke up for a silly reason. If you and your ex are impulsive people who have explosive fights, this might be the case. If you let an argument over something silly like who’s doing the dishes or someone watching “The White Lotus” without the other, it’s no wonder they’re feeling ambivalent about the breakup. Was it really so serious that you needed to end things? If not, there’s bound to be some regret there.
  2. You were together for a long time and they don’t want to let go. If you dated your ex for a while, they might be unwilling to walk away even if they know it’s right. They invested a lot of time, energy, and love into the relationship. You did too. Do you really want to give that up? They may not be sure. In this case, the signs your ex is confused about their feelings for you are bound to appear.
  3. They’re still in love with you. No wonder they’re all over the place! Maybe they know you can’t be together logically, but their heart says otherwise. They’re still in love with you and the idea of breaking up is hard to swallow. Because their feelings for you are so strong, they think you can make it through. Or, at least they try to convince themself that you can. How can they close this chapter when they’re still so devoted to you?
  4. They feel you have unfinished business as a couple. Maybe they are actually ready to walk away and their feelings have faded. However, they still feel like there are things you need to iron out together. They don’t necessarily think a reunion would be fruitful. They just want to see it through to the end.
  5. They’re afraid of being on their own again. Sad but often true. They’re not necessarily confused about their feelings for you, but they’re terrified of being alone. They don’t want to have to start over from the beginning with someone new.  It’s an exhausting and scary thought, so they cling to you instead.

Signs your ex is confused about their feelings for you

  1. They express interest in getting back together then change their mind. One day, they bombard you with texts telling you they’re not over you. They say they wish you never broke up and beg you for another chance. They promise this time, things will be different. The next day, they disappear and you don’t hear from them. They don’t seem to know where their head is at from one day to the next.
  2. They broke up with you but keep reaching out. They were the one who wanted out, so why do they keep getting in touch? They text you, call you, tag you in Instagram memes… it’s endless. It’s almost like you never broke up (at least in their eyes). Why wouldn’t they leave you alone if they didn’t want to be with you? They obviously don’t know how they feel.
  3. They admit they’re confused. This is the most obvious of signs your ex is confused about their feelings for you because they’re telling you directly. They’re in two minds about whether or not you should still be together and they know it. Of course, what you’re meant to do with this information is a whole other issue…
  4. They claim they want you back but their actions say otherwise. They tell you they want another chance and they’re committed to that. They don’t ever backtrack on that decision, but their actions don’t line up. They reactivated their online dating profiles. They flirt with other women. They barely get in touch. The words they’re saying are essentially meaningless.

Plus…

  1. They try to make you jealous. They say they’re over you and the relationship. So, why are they going out of their way to try and make you jealous? If they didn’t care anymore and were serious about moving on, what you’re doing in your life wouldn’t matter. The fact that they’re trying to get your attention shows they’re not as over it as they think.
  2. They love to reminisce about the good times you had together. It’s natural to want to hold onto the good memories after a breakup. However, it’s not really conducive to walk down memory lane right away. If your ex keeps reminiscing about how happy you were together, they clearly have mixed feelings.
  3. They don’t really know why you broke up to begin with. When you try to talk about what happened between you, they seem unsure. They know logically why you broke up, but it doesn’t make sense to them emotionally. In their minds, you could and should still be together. Do they have a point?
  4. They don’t want to be with you but they don’t want you to be with anyone else. This is either one of the signs your ex is confused about their feelings for you or one that they’re manipulative and controlling.
  5. They’re already dating other people but still flirt with you. This is pretty obvious. If they’re trying to move on and meet someone new, why the flirty attitude with you? Pick a side!

What you should do if you think they’re not over you

  1. Think about how you feel. While they might be confused about their feelings for you, it’s not about your ex. How do you feel? Are you satisfied with how things ended? Do you know it’s for the best and want to move on? If so, that’s what really matters. Don’t let your ex’s emotions cloud your own.
  2. Have a frank conversation with them. If it’s clear there’s still something between you, you need to talk. Maybe the conversation is just to have a final conversation to say your goodbyes. Perhaps they have questions they want you to answer. Maybe you feel the same and want to give things another go. Whatever the situation, honesty is important. Say how you feel and don’t mince words.
  3. If you’re not on the same page, you may need to go no contact. If you’re not interested in rehashing your relationship, it may be time to block and delete your ex. This is especially true if the relationship was abusive or toxic. There’s no way you can truly move on while you’re still in contact with your former partner. It’s really for the best.
  4. If you do decide to give it another go, work on the issues that broke you up. It’s not enough that you might still have feelings for each other. There’s a reason you ended your relationship. Those reasons will still be there if you reunite. That means a concerted effort will need to be made to solve those problems. Couples therapy might be a good place to start.
  5. Make decisions with your head, not your heart. In some situations, relationships just aren’t meant to be regardless of how strong your (or their) feelings are. As hard as it is, think clearly about the situation. Don’t let your heart control your decision-making process. Make the decision that’s right for you.

The bottom line

Just because the signs are there that your ex is confused about their feelings for you doesn’t mean you have to react. You’re no longer a couple and you’re not responsible for their emotions. If they have unresolved issues and you moved on long ago, leave it at that. Don’t respond or react. Or, if you do, let them know that the relationship is over for good. This should provide them with the closure they need to start moving forward.

Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia
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