Your partner should be your biggest fan, and their compliments should make you feel valued and treasured. But when the praise feels manipulative or insincere, it could be a sign of covert manipulation. These personality types use flattery not to express love but to subtly control and keep you in emotional limbo. Here are 15 signs your partner’s compliments might be part of a manipulative game.
1. They’re Part of a Strange Switch-Up
If your partner suddenly starts complimenting traits or behaviors they used to mock or criticize, this tactic is a hallmark of manipulation. One minute, they blame you for being too quiet; the next, they praise your calm demeanor. This back-and-forth is designed to keep you constantly seeking their approval, unsure of what behavior will earn their favor next. You may work harder to please them, even though their standards keep changing.
2. They’re Used as Damage Control
After an argument or hurtful comment, your partner might offer a compliment that feels more like damage control than genuine praise. By praising your appearance or telling you how amazing you are, they divert attention from their harmful actions and try to soften your reaction. This manipulation tactic stops you from addressing the hurtful behavior while making you feel grateful for their kindness.
3. They Feel Generic and Rehearsed
If your partner’s compliments sound overly scripted or like something they could say to anyone, it’s a red flag. A genuine compliment is specific and heartfelt, whereas a manipulator often uses the same recycled lines to maintain control. They may be offering flattery simply because it’s expected, not because they genuinely see or appreciate you for who you are.
4. They’re Accompanied by a Request
These compliments are used to lower your guard and soften you up before making a request. Whether they’re asking for help with something, borrowing money, or wanting you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, the flattery is designed to make you more compliant. You might feel obligated to say yes because, after all, they just praised you.
5. They Only Happen in Front of Others
If your partner showers you with compliments in social settings, but when you’re alone, the praise stops, and they become distant or critical, this is a manipulation tactic. They deflect any suspicion that something’s wrong in the relationship by making you seem cherished in public. This public display of affection serves their need to appear perfect while keeping you emotionally tethered.
6. They’re Followed by a Dig
A manipulator often gives a compliment immediately, followed by a subtle insult. This tactic is designed to confuse you. For instance, they might say, “You looked great at the party, but maybe next time you could try not talking so much.” These backhanded compliments undermine your confidence and leave you unsure where you stand. It’s a way to tear you down while making it seem like they’re being nice so you question your feelings.
7. They Dry Up When You Don’t Comply
If your partner only compliments you when you’re doing things their way, it’s a sign that their praise is conditional. A manipulator uses compliments to reinforce behaviors that benefit them and withdraw them when you assert independence or disagree with them. This tactic keeps you hooked on their approval, making you more likely to comply with their demands and feel valued again. You might notice that compliments are few and far between whenever you stand up for yourself.
8. They Make You Feel Uneasy
Compliments should make you feel good, but if your partner’s praise leaves you feeling uncomfortable or suspicious, there’s a reason for that. Manipulators often use flattery to maintain control without truly meaning what they say. Your intuition might pick up on the mismatch between their words and actions, leaving you with a sense of unease or doubt. You may even start questioning whether you’re overthinking things—but your discomfort is usually a sign that something’s off.
9. They’re Employed to Avoid Conflict
This is a classic distraction tactic if your partner suddenly becomes overly complimentary just as you’re about to discuss an issue or something serious. They use flattery to derail the conversation, making you feel guilty for wanting to address a problem. By focusing on how great you look or how much they appreciate you, they sidestep the real issue and keep you from holding them accountable. This tactic can frustrate you or even question whether your concerns are valid.
10. They Focus on Superficial Things
If your partner only compliments you on surface-level aspects like appearance, clothing, or possessions, it’s a sign they’re keeping things shallow. When compliments never go beyond the superficial, the manipulator often wants to avoid forming a meaningful bond. They’re interested in controlling your feelings, not connecting with the real you.
11. They Dictate Your Mood
Manipulators know how to create emotional dependence by controlling when and how they dole out praise. If you find yourself constantly craving their approval and feeling deflated when you don’t get it, it’s a sign of emotional manipulation. The manipulator creates a cycle where you feel good only when they decide to give you compliments, keeping you on an emotional rollercoaster.
12. They’re Strategically Delivered
Does your partner swoop in with compliments when you feel down or vulnerable? While this can initially feel supportive, it’s often a calculated move. Manipulators know that when you’re at your lowest, you’re more susceptible to their flattery and more likely to become emotionally dependent on them. They’re not giving you genuine support but reinforcing your reliance on them to feel better.
13. They Have a Secret Agenda
Does your partner’s praise often come with a subtle dig at others, such as, “You’re the only one who understands me, unlike everyone else”? Compliments like these are meant to isolate you from friends and family, making you feel like your partner is the only one who truly cares for you. This manipulation creates an emotional barrier between you and your support system, making it harder for you to see the manipulation.
14. They’re in Response to Control
If your partner praises you for things they pressured or manipulated you into doing, such as “I love how you always agree with me,” it’s a form of control. These compliments aren’t about valuing you—they’re about rewarding behaviors that benefit them. By praising your compliance, they reinforce that following their wishes is the only way to earn affection.
15. They Feel Performative
Covert manipulators often deliver compliments in a way that feels more like a performance than genuine appreciation. In public, they may act like they adore you and lavish you with praise, but their actions don’t match up in private. This performance is meant to manipulate you and those around you into believing the relationship is healthier than it is.
