15 Telltale Signs You’re a Difficult Mother-in-Law

Being a mother-in-law isn’t easy—it comes with its own set of challenges and emotions. You want to stay close to your child and their family, but sometimes, your well-meaning actions may come across as intrusive or controlling. If you’ve noticed tension with your child’s partner or even subtle pushback, it might be time to reflect. Here are some signs that you might be making things harder than they need to be.

1. You Turn Family Gatherings Into Military Operations

From color-coded seating charts to strict dinner schedules, every event feels like a mission. While you might think you’re just being organized, the micromanaging can stress everyone out. Sometimes, letting go of a little control can make holidays feel a lot more joyful.

2. You Discreetly “Lose” Your Child’s Partner’s Belongings

If that worn-out hoodie or quirky coffee mug has mysteriously vanished after a visit, you might be guilty of some passive-aggressive decluttering. While it might seem harmless, tampering with their things can feel like a lack of respect for their choices.

3. Your Gifts Come With Hidden Agendas

Giving someone a gym membership or a vacuum cleaner might feel practical, but it can also send unintended messages. If your presents feel more like “helpful suggestions” about how they should live, it might be time to rethink your gifting strategy.

4. You Frequently Critique Their Parenting Choices

From bedtime routines to what the grandkids eat, you have a running commentary on everything they do. While your experience is valuable, constantly pointing out what you’d do differently can make them feel judged and undermined in their own home.

5. You Give Advice Nobody Asked For

You've grown into a brilliant young man

Whether it’s about how they decorate their house or manage their finances, your “helpful” input might not always be welcome. If you catch yourself offering suggestions without being asked, it might be a good time to step back and let them figure things out on their own.

6. You Drop By Without Notice

Happy loving caucasian family with adult children standing together in nature on a sunny day. Happy senior couple posing outdoors with their daughter and son in law

Surprise visits might seem like a fun way to show you care, but they can disrupt the flow of their day. If you’re known for popping by unannounced, consider how it might feel from their perspective. A quick call first can go a long way.

7. You Change Things Around in Their House

mom and dad talking to daughter on the couch

Rearranging furniture or swapping out curtains while they’re away might feel like a helpful gesture, but it can also come across as overstepping. Respecting their space is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship.

8. Your “Jokes” Feel More Like Critiques

couple standing with the father

Light teasing is one thing, but if your “jokes” often touch on sensitive topics like their cooking or career, it can create tension. Even if you don’t mean to offend, those comments might feel more like criticism than humor to your in-law.

9. You Keep Bringing Up Their Ex

Talking about how much you loved your child’s ex, even casually, can feel like a slight to their current partner. No one wants to feel like they’re being compared, so it’s best to leave the past in the past.

10. You Over-Schedule Their Visits

If every moment of their visit is filled with planned activities, it might leave them feeling exhausted rather than welcomed. Sometimes, leaving space for downtime can make their time with you more enjoyable.

11. You Take Every Disagreement Personally

Not everyone will agree with your opinions, and that’s okay. If you find yourself reacting defensively or feeling hurt every time they push back, it might be time to work on separating your personal feelings from constructive disagreements.

12. You Sabotage Their Plans

If you’ve ever found yourself conveniently needing “help” when they’ve made plans, it could come across as manipulative. While it’s natural to want to spend time with them, finding ways to balance your needs with their independence is key.

13. “Because I Said So” Is Your Go-To Justification

Expecting them to follow your advice or decisions without explanation can feel dismissive. Offering a collaborative approach instead of issuing directives can help build mutual respect.

14. You Use Guilt as a Tool

Subtle guilt trips, whether through disappointed looks or offhand comments, might get results in the short term but often breed resentment. Communicating directly and honestly is a healthier way to express your needs.

15. You Compare Them to Other Family Members

Drawing comparisons between your child’s partner and their siblings or other relatives can create unnecessary tension. Everyone has their own strengths and deserves to be appreciated for who they are, not how they measure up to someone else.

This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.

Georgia is a passionate story-teller and accomplished lifestyle journalist originally from Australia, now based in New York City. She writes lifestyle content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy and Earth Animals.