After what feels like an endless string of bad dates, it can start to feel as if you’re going to end up dying alone. It’s normal to try to combat this feeling by trying to put yourself out there even more, but if you’re not careful, you could end up looking desperate rather than desirable.
You dress provocatively.
As girls, we can sometimes feel that we need to show off our best assets so that we can get a confidence boost when we go out clubbing or to a bar. The initial attention I get from wearing that revealing top or super short dress feels amazing in the moment, but it’s ultimately pointless because the types of guys it attracts are ones who clearly aren’t looking for a commitment. Don’t get me wrong, you should absolutely wear what you want and if this is your personal style, work it! However, if you’re getting nearly naked because you think it’ll get you the guy, think again.
Your social media is a thirst trap.
Social media has always been a way for me to feel connected with my friends and what is going on in the world. However, there was a time when I became the social media girl whose feed was full of selfies, pics of me in party dresses or the skimpiest workout gear making ridiculous faces. I loved the attention I got with many likes and comments from people I didn’t even know. In hindsight, I’d turned into those attention-seeking people I used to roll my eyes at. The sad thing is that I was getting more DMs asking if I was down for a quick hookup than messages from guys wanting to take me on dates.
You flirt with every good looking guy.
Maybe you’re a good looking girl and you see no reason not to have some fun flirting with every hot guy you meet. However, this can come off as you being a smooth talker who’s all about having fun rather than pursuing anything serious. Yes, flirting is fun, but when you’re in flirt mode everywhere you go, you can catch people off guard and end up rubbing people the wrong way. For instance, if you’re ordering coffee and you start flirting with the person serving you when they just want to do their job, it can turn into an awkward encounter for both of you.
You respond to text messages too fast.
It can be exciting when someone you really like sends you a random text in the middle of the day just to let you know they’re thinking of you. But if you send a response in less than a few seconds of receiving the message every single time, it can make it seem as if you have nothing going on in your life. I’ve been ghosted before for doing this and I think it’s because I seemed too available and the guys I was talking to didn’t have a chance to miss me or feel intrigued by any potential mystery.
You always try and prolong your dates.
Maybe it’s the disbelief that someone can seem so perfect for you or you’re getting along so well that you don’t want the date to end. Whatever the reason, prolonging a date for too long can turn the other person off. It can make them feel as if they’ve had enough of you, especially when the conversation starts turning into awkward silences. Or, they can begin to second-guess that initial spark they thought they had at the beginning of the date. Either way, I think it’s always better to leave your date wanting more than making them start counting down to when they get to leave.
You’re willing to go out at any time and do anything.
Ever heard of the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? Well, it’s true. Again, there’s such a thing as being too available. Yes, you want the person you are romantically interested in to know you are into them, but if you drop everything to hang with them every time they call, it can seem as if they get to see you anytime they want without even planning ahead. And if they know that you’ll answer anytime they call, they won’t see a point in putting in extra effort because they can smell your desperation.
You’re always at the club/bar.
You know that you are excessively going out when the bouncer starts greeting you by name and the barman knows your preferred drink. It can be a common misconception that if you go out more, you’re likely to speed up the process of meeting a partner. However, pouring all your cash, energy, and time into clubbing just takes away from your ability to build yourself up in other areas of your life which would make you seem more attractive to a potential boyfriend.
You bring up wanting to find “The One” in every conversation.
When you’re dating, finding out what the person you’re dating wants in the long-term early on is essential. It will stop you from wasting time on someone who isn’t looking for commitment if that’s what you want. But overemphasizing that you’re looking for “The One” can scare a potential boyfriend away because they can start feeling as if you’re pressuring them into commitment and trying to skip the stage of getting to know each other in a stress-free way.
You pursue men excessively.
When pursuing a guy is not done tastefully, it can end up making guys feel emasculated and turned off. Also, when you pursue a guy at the start, you can set the precedent of always being the pursuer in the relationship by being expected to initiate dates and other romantic advances. If that’s not what you want, then maybe letting guys pursue you to begin with instead of the other way round would work out better. That’s not to say you can’t ask a guy out to start, but if he doesn’t immediately start reciprocating the effort, stop while you’re ahead.
You have a reputation for having one-night stands.
There was a time when I had a string of one-night stands because I was so desperate for that intimacy that I was used to in my previous relationships. It was such a sore spot when those “great guys” would ghost me after we hooked up, and I would be left feeling just as empty and lonely as before I met them. In hindsight, I probably ruined my chances at a relationship because I got intimate too quickly and started talking about commitment too early. But in the moment, I just felt as if I was going with the flow and being open to the potential of a relationship with guys I liked by making my intentions known.
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