Signs You’re Burned Out From Seeking The Approval Of Others

Signs You’re Burned Out From Seeking The Approval Of Others

Constantly seeking validation from others is like running on a treadmill that never stops—you’re putting in all the effort, but you’re not really getting anywhere. The more you mold yourself to fit what you think people want, the further you drift from who you actually are. If you feel drained from trying to keep everyone happy, it might be time to take a step back and see if you’re caught in the exhausting cycle of approval-seeking. Here are the signs that you’re wearing yourself out trying to be liked.

1. You Edit Your Personality Based On Who You’re With

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You’re like a social chameleon, constantly adjusting your tone, opinions, and even interests based on who you’re talking to. Around one group, you’re the easygoing jokester, but with another, you’re suddenly deep and introspective. It’s not that you’re being fake—you’re just so eager to be accepted that you morph into whatever version of yourself you think will fit best in the moment. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who exhibit high levels of self-monitoring tend to adjust their behavior and self-presentation based on social cues and the expectations of others.

The problem? This constant editing is exhausting. You never get to relax into your own personality because you’re too busy keeping track of which version of yourself you’re supposed to be. Worse, you might start losing sight of what you actually enjoy, believe, or value. If you’re always shifting to match the people around you, ask yourself: who are you when no one else is watching?

2. You’re Desperate for Validation, Even From People You Don’t Like

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It makes sense to care about the opinions of your close friends and family, but when you find yourself craving approval from people you don’t even respect, that’s a red flag. Whether it’s a rude coworker, a distant acquaintance, or even a complete stranger on social media, you feel uneasy unless you know they see you in a positive light. According to psychologist Dr. Leon F. Seltzer in Psychology Today, seeking validation from people we don’t respect or like is often rooted in unresolved childhood issues and can significantly impact our self-esteem

Here’s the thing—some people’s approval isn’t even worth chasing. Not everyone’s opinion is valid, and not everyone needs to like you. If you’re losing sleep over what someone you don’t even like thinks of you, take a step back and ask yourself why their opinion holds so much power over you. Chasing validation from people who add nothing to your life is a surefire way to drain yourself emotionally.

3. You Obsess Over Text Etiquette Like It’s a Social Minefield

annoyed woman texting in bed

You spend way too much time analyzing your texts before you send them, tweaking your wording to make sure you sound just right. Then, when you finally hit send, the real anxiety kicks in. You dissect every minute of their response time, re-read their reply a dozen times, and convince yourself that a lack of an emoji or an unexpected period means they’re secretly mad at you. A survey conducted by the Pew Research Center found that 31% of people feel anxious or nervous about their texting interactions, highlighting the widespread nature of texting anxiety

Instead of treating texting like a normal form of communication, it becomes an exhausting mental game. You agonize over double texting, worry about whether you’re “too much,” and stress about if you came off the wrong way. Meanwhile, the other person is probably responding in between sips of coffee, not overanalyzing a single thing. If texting feels like a high-stakes performance, you’re working way too hard for approval.

4. You Rehearse Conversations To Make Sure You Sound “Right”

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Before any interaction, you mentally rehearse every possible way the conversation could go. You plan out your responses in advance, tweak your phrasing for maximum likability, and anticipate every reaction so you can adjust accordingly. By the time you actually talk to the person, you’re exhausted before the conversation even begins. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Smith, rehearsing conversations in your head is a common anxiety symptom that can lead to increased stress and reduced spontaneity in actual interactions.

The irony? No one else is doing this. Most people aren’t scrutinizing your words the way you are, and all that overthinking is probably making your interactions feel more forced than natural. Conversations are meant to flow, but when you’re constantly editing yourself in real time, you’re turning every interaction into a performance. And that’s a level of effort no one else is putting in.

5. You Obsess Over Who Likes Your Instagram Posts

Your mood for the day is dictated by your social media notifications. If a post gets a lot of likes, you feel validated. If it flops, you start overthinking—maybe the caption was weird? Maybe you posted at the wrong time? Maybe people just don’t care about you as much as you thought?

Instead of using social media as a fun way to express yourself, it’s become a scoreboard for how much approval you’re getting. The problem is, you’re chasing validation from a bunch of people who probably scrolled past your post in half a second and didn’t give it another thought. If your self-worth is tied to Instagram engagement, you’re setting yourself up for an exhausting cycle of constant comparison.

6. You Apologize for Things That Weren’t Even Your Fault

angry mad boyfriend with girlfriend

Someone bumps into you? You say sorry. A friend is in a bad mood? You apologize, even though you had nothing to do with it. You’re constantly taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours to own because, deep down, you think keeping the peace is more important than standing your ground.

The problem is, over-apologizing chips away at your confidence. The more you take the blame for things that aren’t your fault, the more you reinforce the idea that it’s your job to keep everyone happy. Spoiler alert: it’s not. Not everything is your responsibility, and constantly apologizing for existing is only making you feel smaller.

7. You’re Filled With Dread If Someone Seems “Off” With You

Angry young couple sulking on each other during quarrel at home

If someone’s energy shifts even a little, you immediately assume you did something wrong. A short text? A delayed reply? A slightly different tone in their voice? You spiral, convincing yourself they’re mad at you, disappointed in you, or about to cut you off entirely.

The reality is, people have lives outside of you. They might just be having a bad day, stressed about something unrelated, or simply not in the mood to be overly chatty. But because your brain is wired for approval, you take every little change personally. Instead of exhausting yourself trying to decode their mood, remind yourself that not everything is about you—and that’s a good thing.

8. You Feel Guilty When You Take Time for Yourself

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Every time you say no to an invitation, take a day to relax, or do something purely for yourself, a little voice in your head tells you you’re being selfish. You feel like you constantly have to be available, helpful, or present for everyone around you, even at the expense of your own well-being. The idea of putting yourself first—even just for a moment—fills you with guilt because you worry that people will see you as inconsiderate.

The truth is, constantly being “on” for others is what’s actually inconsiderate—to yourself. Burnout doesn’t make you a better friend, partner, or coworker; it just leaves you drained, resentful, and exhausted. If the people in your life only appreciate you when you’re overextending yourself, that’s a problem. Prioritizing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care about others—it means you recognize that your own well-being matters too. The real question is, why do you feel guilty for treating yourself with the same kindness you give everyone else?

9. You Over-Explain Every Decision So No One Can Judge You

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Whether it’s what you’re eating for lunch, why you can’t make it to an event, or even something as simple as a clothing choice, you feel like you have to justify your decisions. Instead of just saying, “No thanks, I can’t make it,” you launch into a detailed explanation about your schedule, your commitments, and why you’re absolutely not blowing anyone off. You’re so afraid of seeming inconsiderate, lazy, or thoughtless that you turn every little decision into a full-blown defense case.

The irony? Most people don’t care that much. They’re not sitting around judging you for what you had for breakfast or why you skipped a party. Over-explaining is your way of trying to control how people perceive you, but in reality, it just makes you more anxious and exhausted. You don’t owe the world a PowerPoint presentation on every personal choice you make. If someone really needs that much justification for your boundaries, that’s their problem—not yours.

10. You Take Rejection Way More Personally Than You Should

Someone cancels plans? You assume they don’t like you. A job interview doesn’t work out? You convince yourself you’re a failure. A person you’re interested in isn’t feeling the same way? You take it as proof that you’re fundamentally unlovable. Instead of seeing rejection as a normal part of life, you treat it as a personal attack, as if every “no” is a direct reflection of your worth.

But here’s the thing—sometimes, rejection has nothing to do with you. Maybe the timing was off, maybe the other person had their own stuff going on, or maybe it just wasn’t the right fit. None of those things mean you’re not good enough. If you let every rejection shatter your self-esteem, you’ll spend your life walking on eggshells, terrified of ever putting yourself out there. The people who truly thrive aren’t the ones who avoid rejection; they’re the ones who don’t let it define them.

11. You Say “Yes” Before You Even Think About What You Want

The second someone asks you for something, your automatic response is “sure!”—even when you don’t really want to do it. Before you’ve even had a chance to consider your own needs, you’re already agreeing to favors, commitments, and plans that leave you stretched too thin. You hate the idea of letting people down, so you put their wants above your own without even realizing it.

The problem is, constantly saying yes when you really mean no leads to resentment and exhaustion. You end up overcommitted, overwhelmed, and wondering why you never have time for yourself. The truth is, saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you respect your own time and energy enough to use them wisely. If someone only values you when you’re bending over backward for them, that’s not friendship—it’s convenience.

12. You Mirror Others’ Opinions Instead Of Stating Your Own

When you’re in a group conversation, you nod along to whatever’s being said—even when you don’t fully agree. If someone shares an opinion that contradicts yours, you don’t challenge it; you subtly shift your stance to match theirs instead. You’re so afraid of standing out or causing friction that you’d rather blend in, even if it means suppressing your own thoughts.

The issue is, constantly mirroring people’s opinions makes it hard for anyone to really know the real you. It also means you’re not giving yourself the chance to form strong, authentic beliefs. Agreeing with everyone might make you likable in the moment, but in the long run, it keeps you from building genuine connections. The people who truly belong in your life won’t be scared off by your opinions—so why are you so afraid to have them?

13. You Kill With Kindness To Avoid Being Disliked

Being kind is one thing. But when you’re constantly going out of your way to be overly nice, bending over backward for people who don’t do the same for you, or forcing yourself to be agreeable just to keep the peace, that’s when it becomes a problem. You’re not being nice because you genuinely want to be—you’re doing it because you think it’s the only way to keep people around.

The truth is, not everyone is going to like you, no matter how much effort you put in. And that’s okay. If you’re constantly overcompensating, walking on eggshells, and trying to be the perfect, most inoffensive version of yourself, you’re not really being you. The right people will appreciate your kindness without expecting you to be a doormat. And the people who only like you when you’re bending over backward? They were never worth the effort to begin with.

Natasha is a seasoned lifestyle journalist and editor based in New York City. Originally from Sydney, during a a stellar two-decade career, she has reported on the latest lifestyle news and trends for major media brands including Elle and Grazia. Natasha now writes and directs content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy, Style Files, Psych Love and Earth Animals.