Being in a relationship is a fantastic experience, but it’s certainly not necessary for your own happiness. That said, people in your life may start badgering you about being single to a point where you may feel like coupling up is a requirement. That, or you’re so tired of being by yourself that you start bypassing a ton of red flags. Here are some signs that you’re more focused on finding someone than finding your soulmate and you’re starting to get desperate.
- You went on multiple dates with someone you weren’t that impressed with on the first date. First dates can be really nerve-wracking. It’s very possible that your date didn’t go well based on lack of experience, or simply anxiety. But if your date was late without a courtesy text, or made you feel bad or embarrassed in any way, there’s no reason except for loneliness as to why you should give them a second shot. You need to trust your instincts when you date someone. The more chances you give this person, the easier it’ll be to fall into a completely unfulfilling and perhaps harmful long-term relationship. This is one of the biggest signs that you’re feeling desperate.
- You’re starting to hit up your exes. Think of it this way — just like an iPhone, your brain has created two short video summaries based on your past relationships. One is a highlights reel, which often plays when you miss someone or wonder if you made the wrong choice. The other is the bad memories reel, which often comes around right after a breakup (especially if you were the person to initiate it) or when you’ve met up with friends to vent over the situation. Sometimes, it absolutely makes sense to give an ex a second chance, especially if the relationship was generally healthy. But, oftentimes it can be a bad idea — like when you’ve literally convinced yourself that this is your only shot at a family someday.
- You’ve considered whether or not to approach your teachers or coworkers. Again, some success stories have been created by situations like this, but there’s often a lot of complications. Dating a coworker is a bad idea unless you are openly considering leaving the company, or have a job offer ready. Dating a teacher can be very tricky and not the most moral choice, especially if you start flirting while still in the class before the semester starts. Just cut these thoughts out before you make a mess of the situation.
- You also keep widening the distance in which you search for someone. It’s good to date someone close to your town. It’s even better to date someone in the same state. Long-distance relationships are completely possible and worthwhile in their own way, but it’s a little desperate if you live in Washington and are seeking men and women from Florida just to say you’re dating someone. They might be interesting and compatible, but unless you already have a game plan to meet in person, it’ll likely fizzle out fast.
- You’re willing to compromise on a lot of prior dealbreakers. Dealbreakers are important, and everyone has them. Don’t let being single cloud your vision of what’s important in a relationship. Being single is much better than being in an impossible relationship. If you know you don’t want guns in the home, dating a member of the NRA shouldn’t suddenly cross your mind. If you don’t want to date someone with kids, then perhaps it might not be a good idea to contact the single dad who has three of them. They’ll find their own matches someday, as you’ll find yours.
- Your parents’ suggestions are actually sounding pretty good. Listen, your parents have your best interests in mind. They want you to be happy and settled. However, their suggestions may be a little strange. They might request you go on a date with a coworker’s son or someone you’re not all that attracted to. While it’s always important to give people a chance, it’s also a little desperate to depend on your parents to help you find love as an adult.
- You’ve completely changed up your look. It’s healthy and wonderful to get a haircut, experiment with color, or get a manicure. It’s a completely different story if you decide to also overhaul your closet or consider plastic surgery for a new image. You won’t find true love if you aren’t yourself. Your look should reflect you, and not the person you wish you were. Unless you’re doing this because you truly want to, it’s one of the major signs you’re getting desperate and it’ll likely backfire.
- Your dating profiles focus more on them and less on you. Sometimes, people tend to become chameleons and take on the personality and interests of people they like. If your significant other loves football, suddenly you do too. Did they join a running club? Well, now it’s your hobby as well. If your profile is more about asking your potential dates questions instead of profiling who you are deep down, you’re likely willing to change yourself for the sake of a date.
It’s important to recognize the signs you’re getting desperate for a relationship so you can correct the behavior. You’re incredible as you are – you don’t need to change yourself or lower your standards.