Are you guilty of making excuses for the guy you’re dating, perhaps without realizing that he’s not even worth those lies? If you’ve said any of these 10 things about your partner, then the answer is yes. You’re justifying too much of his bad behavior and selling yourself short in the process. It’s time to stop.
“He’s just going through a tough time.”
He snapped at you or was rude to your friends. Instead of accepting that he behaved like an idiot and letting him face the music for that, you’d rather try to explain his bad behavior away. Why?! Is it so that you don’t have to face up to who he really is underneath his nice guy act when you’re alone?
“He has said he loves me, though.”
He insulted you in front of your BFF but you know he loves you, right? He can never talk about the future but he says he’s crazy about you. Sorry, but even if he’s said those three words, the point is that you shouldn’t believe them unless he’s actually behaving like he loves you. He doesn’t if he’s treating you like crap or wasting your time.
“He had a rough upbringing.”
Ah, this is a classic one. That toxic guy you’re dating is always quick to blame his rough childhood for why he’s on drugs, an a-hole, or can’t take responsibility for himself. Yes, we’re products of our childhood, but only to a point. After that, he’s gotta be man enough to be responsible and create his own life. If he’s always stuck in the past, he’s not doing that.
“We’re not even an official couple.”
What does that mean? He can flirt with other women? He can lead you on? He can give you some of himself but only on weeknights? BS. Just because you’re not official or exclusive, it doesn’t give him the right to be a jerk! Whatever happened to basic decency and respect?
“His boss/friend/mother is terrible to him.”
If it seems like your boyfriend is always blaming the bad things in his life on others around him and you’re using those people as excuses for why he’s so horrible, he’s got you right where he wants you: devouring yet another slice of his “poor me” cake. Ugh, the guy’s a man-child.
“He wouldn’t do it if I didn’t provoke him.”
Instead of seeing him for the toxic guy he is, you see yourself as to blame for why he’s angry or giving you the silent treatment. Whoa, back up. If you’re always thinking you’re to blame for what’s clearly his screwed-up issues, you’re wasting your life on him instead of backing yourself up. He’s trying to project his problems onto you.
He doesn’t really talk to your loved ones. He’s aloof and can seem to be a bit standoffish at times. In private, he never talks about his feelings. Instead of realizing that he’s holding back from you, you tell people he’s mysterious. Honestly, it’s not so sexy when they see that the guy’s just a jerk.
“He’s such a shy guy.”
He never initiates contact. Everyone tells you that he’s so into you but he’s shy. Whatever! Stop making excuses for the guy who never plucks up the courage to ask you out. No matter how shy he is, he’ll make an effort if he’s really into you.
“His work is so busy.”
He would’ve called back if he got the time. He would’ve gone to dinner with you on your birthday, but then something urgent came up… yes, again, but he felt really, really bad. The guy’s so busy, he can’t really be in a serious relationship right now! Um, no. Even if he is that crazy busy, he’d make more of an effort if you were a priority in his life.
“His ex cheated on him.”
Another classic excuse for why a guy has trust issues: a nasty ex who treated him so badly, it scarred him for life. Maybe that did really happen to him and it sucks, but it’s no reason for him to expect you to treat him badly. If he’s using his trust issues as an excuse for why he can’t commit or DTR, then he’s really telling you he’s not that into you. Don’t make excuses for that!
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