Signs You’re Not Ready For A Relationship Even If You Really Want One

Being single is great for a while, but at a certain point, rolling solo 24/7 gets a little old. It’s natural to seek companionship – that’s just part of being a human being. However, that doesn’t mean coupling up would be a wise choice for you right now. Here are some signs you’re not ready for a relationship no matter how much you want one.

  1. You’re still not entirely over your ex. It goes without saying that you’re not ready for a relationship if you’re still not over your last one. Depending on how long you were with your ex, it might be a long while before you’ve truly processed your feelings and closed that chapter in your life. Until that day comes, you can’t build something new with someone new. Give yourself time to heal to give your next relationship the best chance of success.
  2. You think all men suck. How can you expect to find love if you don’t believe it truly exists? If you think all men are liars and/or cheaters who will let you down, why are you even interested in dating in the first place? It makes sense to temporarily lose faith in love when you’ve been hurt or screwed over, but if you carry this attitude with you moving forward, you’ll always end up alone.
  3. You’re far too picky. It’s important to have standards when it comes to relationships and it’s also totally fine to have preferences and a bit of a wishlist when it comes to the type of guys you want to date. However, if you write people off for insignificant things like having the wrong hair color or liking a band you think is lame, this is one of the biggest signs you’re not ready for a relationship. It’s important to keep an open mind because otherwise, you never know what (or who!) you could be missing out on.
  4. You’re not the biggest fan of commitment. There is such a thing as ethical non-monogamy, but unless you’re openly seeking a polyamorous or no strings attached arrangement, the understanding is that you’ll eventually be exclusive with a partner. If you’ve cheated in most if not all of your past relationships or simply don’t like the idea of being “tied down,” it’s probably better to stay single for a while longer.
  5. You have a hard time trusting anyone. Another of those massive signs that you’re not ready for a relationship, this one is tied to the above point about thinking all men suck. For a relationship to not only survive but thrive, there has to be trust. You have to feel confident that your partner has your best interest at heart and vice versa, otherwise, it’ll never work. If you find it difficult if not impossible to trust, you need to work on that before you start dating.
  6. You think a relationship can assuage your loneliness. Having a partner should complement your life, not complete it. Before you get into a relationship, it’s vital that you feel comfortable with your own company and have a full life that doesn’t depend on another person to make it worth living. If you think that finding a boyfriend or girlfriend will assuage your loneliness and ensure that you never feel sad again, you’re totally wrong.
  7. You’re working on goals that require your full focus. Maybe you’re finishing a doctorate degree or you’re working your way up the ladder in a very competitive career field that sees you working 60+ hour weeks. Maybe you’re training for a marathon or planning to climb Mt. Everest. Whatever you’re focusing your time and energy on, if you have little left over for anything else, consider it another of those major signs you’re not ready for a relationship (at least not right now).
  8. There’s too much you don’t like about yourself. We all have things we wish we could change about ourselves, but you should generally feel confident about yourself inside and out before you think of coupling up. If you’re constantly putting yourself down, thinking you’re ugly/fat/dumb/etc. your time and energy are better focused on bettering your relationship with yourself first.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill