There are plenty of reasons for the high divorce rate, but a big one is that too many people get married when they’re not ready for it. Despite their best efforts, these couples are doomed from the start. Are you one of them? Here are 10 signs you’re not ready to say “I do.”
You think you’ll never get a divorce.
A lot of people like to push the idea of separation out of their heads. They say it’s all a part of thinking positively, but thinking you can have a perfect relationship is a fairy tale. The problem is that you can’t truly value marriage when you think you can never lose it. When you understand that your spouse could choose to walk away at any moment, it changes the way you act. You go from trying to make things work for you to making things work for both of you. A divorce is always an option. Start living and acting like it is and it won’t come knocking on your door.
You don’t believe in therapy.
There’s a reason why therapy has become popular among married couples. It pays to have an experienced, neutral party help you negotiate through significant difficulties. Therapy isn’t a magic pill. It gives you clarity and helps you see things from a different point of view. We all need that, especially in high-pressure situations.
You think you’re perfect.
You’d be surprised how many people believe that they honestly have no area where they need to grow. It’s one thing to be confident and accepting of yourself and another to be blind. Marriage requires people to be understanding and forgiving of each other. How can you do that when you find it hard to see any fault in yourself? Your partner will undoubtedly see your flaws. The only way to stay together is to be open and honest with each other.
You think you have all the tools to make a marriage work.
There are tons of books out there on how to make a marriage work, but none of them are a substitute for what your specific marriage will be like. All human beings are different and the challenges we face in our relationships are often unique. If you go into a marriage with an open mind, willing to learn how to make your specific situation work, then you will thrive. If, however, you go in with cookie-cutter solutions that don’t apply, you’ll be another statistic.
You think your partner will never change.
It saddens me to hear people cite the reason for their divorces as their partner changing. As human beings, we’re continually growing, either through deliberate choices or unforeseen tragedies. Take something like the death of a loved one. There’s no telling how it can change a person. While you love who your partner is now, get ready for them to change in some way. Life is simply unpredictable but true love will see you through all of it.
You still have secrets.
Marriage is about two people committing to share their lives. If one person is holding back, then those secrets will inevitably come out to bite them in the back. Keeping secrets from a spouse is breaking trust. There can be no marriage without trust.
You think you’ll always be able to reach a compromise.
Life loves to throw curveballs our way. Sometimes compromise is impossible. In fact, it’s not possible most of the time. Someone often has to bend over backward to make the relationship move forward. If you don’t see yourself being able to do this, you’re not ready to get married.
You think picking the right person means things will be easy.
I don’t believe in soulmates, but just in case you do, you need to know that marrying your soulmate won’t make marriage easy. Marriage requires that you put your relationship before your wants and needs. Nothing makes that easy. Human beings love themselves more than they love others. If we don’t find ways to change that, our marriages will fail.
Your family and friends doubt you’re ready to get married.
Despite what we like to think, those who’ve spent years around us, often know us better than we know ourselves. Human beings have inbuilt mechanisms to protect themselves from negative views of themselves. If your friends and family are hinting that perhaps marriage isn’t for you right now, it would be wise to heed their words.
You have doubts about whether you’re ready.
Divorce is not an easy thing. Not just for financial reasons, but emotional ones. If you have any doubts then it’s best to listen to your gut feeling. There’s nothing wrong with not being ready for marriage. If you admit that, you can take the necessary steps to prepare yourself. Ignore your warnings and divorce is right around the corner.
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