19 Signs You’re One Half Of An Intolerable Couple

19 Signs You’re One Half Of An Intolerable Couple ©iStock/Aleksandar Nakic

Everyone knows at least one couple that’s just painful to be around. Whether it’s because they’re too awkward or just too close for comfort, they’re absolutely intolerable — and frankly, probably won’t last very long. Even worse, they don’t even realize how toxic their dynamic is and how much everyone around them kind of wants to kill them. If you’re guilty of any of the following, you might actually be part of one of those couples.

  1. You baby talk your partner. “Oh, schnookums! Did my big widdle man eat too much veggies today? Yes he did! Yes he did!” He’s a man, not a dog or an infant. Stop talking to him like that! It’s annoying as hell, and your friends really do have to struggle not to roll their eyes around you.
  2. You go everywhere together and refer to yourselves as “we.” Ah, yes, the codependent couple that’s joined at the hip because neither member has a personality of his or her own anymore. It’s a classic. Just so you know, if this sounds like you, your friends hate you because they lost the real you when you started dating this guy.
  3. Every little detail of your sex life is on Facebook. When your friends see your newsfeed, they’re cringing their faces off. No one needs to know that stuff but you and your significant other.
  4. You fight in front of your friends. If this is happening on the regular, do yourself and everyone else a favor and break up already. This is not a good look for you, or anyone. It’s alienating you from your friends, and it’s likely that you’re neck-deep in a toxic relationship.
  5. You have public Facebook fights. See the last two posts above. No one needs to see you two fighting, and no one wants to deal with that in their social circle.
  6. You wear matching outfits a lot of the time. Oh, for cryin’ out loud, why couldn’t you just fight in front of your friends like normal people?
  7. Everything about your dating life together just has to be Pinterest-perfect. Part of the hate you’re going to get is from jealousy, I won’t deny that. But, if you actively have to go out of your way to make everything look 100 times better than it is, your friends are probably tired of playing into the charade, as well. Trust me when I say that telling your friends to lose weight for bridal party photos will definitely earn you the honor of being the most hated part of the most hated couple.
  8. You and your partner regularly mooch off of friends. The only thing that’s worse than one mooch is more than one mooch. If you’ve been a duo that relies on others for financial support, chances are high that you’re not particularly well-liked by your friends.
  9. When you’re with your boyfriend, you’re both hot messes. Are most of your memories with your man a blur of drugs and alcohol? Do group outings with other couples usually end in you being blackout drunk? If so, you might have noticed a decline in invites from others. This is because you’re a hot mess together, and it’s painfully awkward to be near you.
  10. You constantly act like a power couple, even when you’re not. Hint: You’re not fooling anyone, and that arrogant, cash-flashing behavior is annoying.
  11. You regularly offer single friends unsolicited advice on finding love. You might as well have written a book discussing how to piss off a single friend who is struggling with life.
  12. You have a joint Facebook account. Who does this crap? Really?
  13. You celebrate weekly anniversaries. Anniversaries are annual. That’s actually why they’re called anniversaries. If you’ve been together for three months, celebrating the three month mark is kinda pathetic.
  14. Your PDA is out of control. Look, kissing in public is OK — especially if you’re at a club, a sexy party, or just on a really romantic date. However, if you’re about to dry hump one another on the 2 train towards the Bronx, you might be part of an awful couple.
  15. Your constantly saying hackneyed things about your partner. “He’s like, my best friend ever.”
  16. You Instagram the gifts he gives you on a regular basis. We get it. You believe in #relationshipgoals, now stop posting about it!
  17. Your boundaries do not exist. Boundaries? What are those, you ask? Well, you used to have them when you were single…
  18. Drama follows the two of you everywhere. No one likes a Drama Llama. If you can’t help but cause drama everywhere, you might be the couple everyone hates.
  19. You have a Pinterest of classic stock photo-style shots of the two of you. Yes, we’ve seen the pics of you doing the heart sign together. Yes, we’ve seen the pics of your boyfriend holding your hand. We get it. You’re so happy that you’ve turned into Barbie and Ken. Enough, already!
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.