Emotional maturity isn’t something we’re born with; it’s a skill we develop over time. However, it’s not an automatic rite of passage with age, and for some, it lags behind life’s other milestones. If you find yourself struggling with emotional maturity, you’re not alone, and the good news is, that there’s always room for growth. So, if you’re wondering whether you might have some growing up to do emotionally, here are the signs to keep an eye out for. Don’t worry, we’ll also sprinkle in some tips on how to manage and improve each area
1. They Throw Tantrums When Things Don’t Go Their Way
We all have those moments when life throws a curveball, and things don’t pan out as expected. The real test of emotional maturity comes not in the disappointment itself, but in how we handle it. According to Psych Central, when faced with setbacks, emotionally immature individuals often resort to explosive outbursts, complete with door slamming, harsh words, or silent treatment. These reactions stem from an inability to process and manage strong emotions effectively, often mirroring the coping mechanisms we developed in childhood. It’s particularly concerning when these outbursts occur in professional settings or important relationships, where the consequences can be far-reaching.
Instead of letting emotions run wild, start by practicing the pause-and-breathe technique: when you feel that familiar surge of anger or frustration, take three deep breaths while counting to ten. This simple act can interrupt the automatic tantrum response and give your rational mind time to catch up. Try to develop the habit of asking yourself, “How will this reaction help me in the long run?” or “What would a mature response look like in this situation?” Consider keeping a journal of your triggers and reactions, noting what situations tend to provoke tantrums and what alternative responses might work better. Remember that emotional growth often happens in small steps—celebrate the times you manage to respond calmly, even if they’re rare at first.
2. They Make Snap Judgments
Being quick to judge others reveals an emotional immaturity that can limit your understanding of the world and damage your relationships. This tendency might manifest as making quick decisions about people based on first impressions, dismissing others’ choices or lifestyles without understanding their context, or maintaining rigid beliefs about what’s “right” or “wrong” in various situations. You might find yourself mentally categorizing people into “good” or “bad” based on limited information, making assumptions about others’ motivations without asking questions, or feeling threatened by different perspectives and ways of life. As BetterHelp explains, this judgmental attitude often stems from insecurity, fear of the unknown, or a need to feel superior to others.
Moving toward a more mature and nuanced perspective involves developing curiosity and compassion in place of judgment. Start by pausing and asking yourself what assumptions you’re making and what information you might be missing. Challenge yourself to learn more about people and situations that trigger your judgmental responses, perhaps through reading, conversations, or direct experience. Work on developing empathy by imagining how different life circumstances might lead to different choices and perspectives. Keep a “judgment journal” where you record your initial judgments and then revisit them after gaining more information or understanding. Remember: just approach others with curiosity and compassion.
3. They Never Let Go Of A Grudge
When someone wrongs us, it’s natural to feel hurt, angry, and even betrayed—these are valid emotional responses to negative experiences. That said, emotional immaturity becomes evident when these feelings transform into long-term grudges that we nurture and maintain, sometimes for years. Verywell Mind points out that the energy required to maintain grudges can be exhausting, and it can affect not just your relationship with the person who wronged you, but can also spill over into other areas of your life, including your mental health and ability to form new relationships. Over time, this pattern can lead to a cynical worldview and a tendency to expect the worst from others.
Breaking free from the cycle of grudge-holding requires a conscious effort. Begin by acknowledging that forgiveness isn’t about condoning what happened or letting someone off the hook—it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional burden of carrying that resentment. Try writing letters (that you don’t send) to people you’re holding grudges against, expressing all your feelings honestly. Practice empathy by trying to understand the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree with their actions. Consider how much mental and emotional space these grudges are taking up in your life, and imagine what you could do with that energy if it were freed up. Work on developing a more nuanced view of human behavior, recognizing that people are complex and capable of both good and bad actions.
4. They Have A Thirst For Drama
This might manifest as stirring up conflicts between friends, sharing sensitive information to create excitement, or unconsciously creating crisis situations to feel more alive or important. You might find yourself drawn to volatile relationships, frequently involved in others’ conflicts, or regularly sharing provocative social media posts to generate reactions. The need for drama often comes from underlying issues such as boredom, low self-esteem, or an inability to generate healthy excitement in your life. This pattern can be destructive in professional settings, where stability and reliability are valued, and in personal relationships, where constant drama can lead to emotional exhaustion and broken trust.
Developing a healthier relationship with excitement and stimulation requires finding constructive alternatives to drama. Start by identifying what needs the drama is actually fulfilling in your life—perhaps it’s attention, excitement, or a feeling important—and explore healthier ways to meet these needs. Challenge yourself to practice being a calming presence rather than an instigator in tense situations. Develop interests and hobbies that provide natural sources of excitement and fulfillment without creating interpersonal conflict. Work on building self-awareness about your role in dramatic situations, perhaps keeping a journal of times when you’re tempted to stir up drama and what triggers that impulse.
5. They’re Stuck In Reverse

Being emotionally anchored to past events, whether they’re triumphs or traumas, is a clear sign of emotional immaturity that can prevent personal growth and future happiness. This might show up as constantly revisiting old mistakes or missed opportunities, holding onto outdated versions of yourself or others, or using past experiences as excuses for current behavior. You might find yourself regularly bringing up old stories or grievances, comparing current situations to past ones in ways that aren’t helpful, or making decisions based on fear of repeating past mistakes rather than present circumstances. The inability to move forward can significantly impact your ability to form new relationships, take advantage of current opportunities, or adapt to changing circumstances.
What should you do? Start by acknowledging that remembering the past is different from living in it—practice noticing when you’re dwelling on past events and gently redirecting your focus to the present moment. Work on developing a more balanced perspective of past experiences, recognizing both the lessons learned and the ways you’ve grown since then. Create specific times for processing past events, perhaps through journaling or therapy, rather than letting them intrude randomly into your daily life. Practice mindfulness techniques to strengthen your ability to stay present, and regularly remind yourself that the past is a teacher, not a predictor of your future.
6. They Overreact To The Max
Difficulty in managing emotions manifests as more than just occasional outbursts or mood swings—it’s a pattern of being overwhelmed by feelings to the point where they consistently disrupt daily life and relationships. You might find yourself crying at minor setbacks, experiencing intense anger over small inconveniences, or feeling completely derailed by unexpected changes in plans. This emotional volatility can lead to impulsive decisions, strained relationships, and difficulty maintaining professional composure in challenging situations, as explained by Charlie Health. The inability to regulate emotions often results in exhausting emotional highs and lows, where you might feel ecstatic one moment and devastated the next, with little ability to find a middle ground.
Begin by keeping an emotion diary where you track not just what you feel, but also the situations that provoke strong reactions and how your body responds to different emotions. Practice using specific techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise when you feel emotions starting to escalate. Work on identifying and naming your emotions with more nuance—instead of just “angry,” try to pinpoint whether you’re feeling frustrated, disappointed, threatened, or something else. Create a personal “emotional first aid kit” with strategies that help you calm down, whether it’s taking a walk, listening to music, or practicing mindfulness exercises. Managing emotions doesn’t mean suppressing them, it’s about finding healthy ways to experience and express them.
7. They Bury Their Heads In The Sand
Chronic indecision about significant life choices is a clear indicator of emotional immaturity that can lead to missed opportunities and stagnation in personal growth. You probably endlessly weigh options without making a choice, seek excessive input from others before making decisions, or frequently second-guess choices after they’re made. You might find yourself paralyzed by fear of making the wrong choice, spending hours researching every possible outcome or avoiding important decisions altogether by letting circumstances or others decide for you. This indecisiveness often stems from a combination of perfectionism, fear of responsibility, and an inability to trust your own judgment.
Moving toward more confident decision-making involves developing trust and accepting that perfect choices don’t exist. Practice decision-making in low-stakes situations, perhaps by setting time limits for small choices and sticking to them. Develop a personal decision-making framework that includes identifying your core values, establishing clear criteria for choices, and setting reasonable deadlines for different types of decisions. Work on building confidence in your ability to handle outcomes by reflecting on past decisions and recognizing that you’ve successfully navigated both good and bad results. Making timely decisions, even if they’re not perfect, is often better than remaining stuck in indecision.
8. They Make Everything About Them
The tendency to center every conversation and situation around yourself is a classic sign of emotional immaturity. This behavior can show up as interrupting others to share your own similar experiences, redirecting conversations back to your own concerns, or minimizing others’ experiences because they don’t directly relate to you. When someone shares good news, you might feel compelled to one-up them with your own achievements, or when they’re facing challenges, you immediately relate it back to your own struggles without truly acknowledging theirs. This self-centered perspective can make others feel unheard and undervalued in their interactions with you.
You can try making a deliberate effort to ask others about their experiences and opinions, and then practice active listening without immediately jumping in with your own story. Keep a mental or physical note of how many questions you ask others versus how many times you talk about yourself in conversations. Challenge yourself to maintain focus on others’ stories without interrupting, and notice how much more you learn about them when you do. Practice empathy by imagining yourself in others’ situations and considering their feelings and perspectives before sharing your own experiences.
9. They Shirk All Responsibility
When things go wrong, you might find yourself automatically pointing fingers at others or crafting elaborate explanations for why something isn’t your fault. The fear of being blamed or facing consequences can be so strong that it leads to chronic procrastination, making excuses, or even lying to avoid taking ownership of your actions. This behavior not only affects your personal growth but can significantly impact your professional life and relationships, as others begin to see you as unreliable or untrustworthy. The constant deflection of responsibility can also prevent you from learning from your mistakes and developing better judgment.
The path to emotional maturity involves embracing responsibility as an opportunity for growth. Start small—admit when you’ve made a mistake, even in minor situations, and notice how it feels to own up to your actions without making excuses. Challenge yourself to take on new responsibilities gradually, building confidence in your ability to handle them successfully. When things go wrong, try asking yourself, “What part did I play in this situation, and what can I learn from it?” rather than immediately looking for external factors to blame. Consider seeking feedback from trusted friends or mentors about areas where you tend to avoid responsibility and work on developing specific strategies to address these patterns.
10. They Have Completely Unrealistic Expectations
Raise your hand if you do the following: expect perfect performance from yourself at all times, believe relationships should be effortless and conflict-free, or assume success should come quickly and easily in your career. That’s classic emotional immaturity. You might be regularly disappointed when reality doesn’t match your idealized vision, leading to unnecessary stress and strain in your life. These expectations stem from a combination of perfectionism, media influences, and a lack of real-world experience in managing setbacks and limitations. The gap between your expectations and reality can create a constant state of dissatisfaction, making it difficult to appreciate progress or find joy in small achievements.
Examine your expectations a little more critically—ask yourself whether they’re based on real-world examples or idealized versions of how things “should” be. Practice breaking down large goals into smaller, manageable steps, and celebrate progress rather than fixating on perfection. Learn to distinguish between high standards that motivate growth and unrealistic expectations that set you up for failure. Work on developing contingency plans and backup strategies, recognizing that most achievements involve some setbacks and adjustments along the way.
11. They Consider Change The Enemy
Difficulty adapting to change might manifest as staying in uncomfortable but familiar situations rather than risking something new, becoming anxious or hostile when routines are disrupted, or refusing to consider new perspectives or ways of doing things. You might cling to outdated habits or relationships long after they’ve stopped serving you, feeling overwhelmed by technological or social changes, or responding to necessary transitions with denial or avoidance. This struggle with change often stems from a combination of fear of the unknown, comfort with the familiar (even if it’s not ideal), and difficulty managing the anxiety that comes with uncertainty. The inability to adapt can significantly impact your ability to grow, succeed professionally, and maintain healthy relationships in an ever-evolving world.
Practice embracing small changes in your daily routine to build confidence in your ability to handle larger transitions. Create a “change toolkit” of coping strategies, such as mindfulness exercises, positive self-talk, or seeking support from trusted friends when facing significant changes. Work on developing a growth mindset that views challenges as opportunities for learning and development rather than threats to your stability. Flexibility and adaptability are essential life skills that can be developed with practice and patience.
12. They Have No Boundaries And Overstep Others’
A lack of emotional boundaries is a significant indicator of emotional immaturity that can lead to burnout, resentment, and unhealthy relationships. You might take on others’ emotional states as your own, feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness, or be unable to say no to emotional demands from friends and family. You might find yourself regularly oversharing personal information with people you barely know, getting overly involved in others’ problems, or feeling guilty when you don’t immediately respond to someone’s emotional needs. This pattern can be really exhausting in relationships, and it can lead to codependency and a loss of personal identity.
Identify areas where you feel emotionally drained or resentful—these are often signs that boundaries are needed. Practice saying no to requests that don’t align with your own well-being, and work on delivering these responses without excessive explanation or guilt. Learn to distinguish between empathy and emotional absorption, perhaps by using visualization techniques like imagining a protective bubble around yourself when engaging with others’ strong emotions. Having strong boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential for maintaining healthy relationships and preserving your sanity.
13. They Disassociate When Faced With Conflict

Conflict avoidance goes beyond disliking confrontation—it’s a pattern of behavior where you’ll do almost anything to prevent or escape from disagreements, even at a significant personal cost. This might look like agreeing to things you don’t actually want to do, keeping quiet about legitimate grievances until they build up into resentment, or ghosting people rather than having difficult conversations. The fear of conflict often leads to a pattern of people-pleasing and inauthenticity, where you present a façade of agreement while internally struggling with unresolved issues. This avoidance can manifest in subtle ways, such as using humor to deflect serious discussions, changing the subject when controversial topics arise, or making excuses to leave situations where tension might emerge. Over time, this pattern can lead to shallow relationships, unresolved problems, and a diminished sense of personal agency.
Learning to handle conflict in a healthy way involves developing new skills and changing your relationship with the disagreement itself. Start by recognizing that conflict is a natural and potentially constructive part of human interaction, not necessarily a sign that something is wrong. Practice expressing smaller disagreements in low-stakes situations to build your confidence in handling conflicting viewpoints. Develop a toolkit of communication strategies, such as using “I” statements, active listening techniques, and calm but clear expression of your needs and boundaries. Work with a therapist or counselor to understand the root causes of your conflict avoidance and develop personalized strategies for managing anxiety around confrontation.