11 Signs You’re Way Too Good For Him

If finding his good side is harder than completing the New York Times Sunday crossword, you might need to move on. You can definitely do better than a guy who exhibits these less-than-charming traits.

  1. He can’t be straight with you after you tell him how you feel. You think it’s going pretty well and you’re willing to consider taking the next step, whether that’s an exclusivity talk or a potential engagement. When you share your thoughts, he gets squirmier than a kid trying to weasel out of detention. It’s fine if he’s not on the same timeline as you and doesn’t want to get more serious, he just needs to respect you enough to clarify his position. After all, you had the guts to let him know where you stand. It says a lot about his (lack of) character that he can’t do the same.
  2. His family is surprised you’ve stuck with him as long as you have. Outside opinions aren’t always welcome in a relationship but sometimes they reveal a lot. For example, his mom always looks completely mystified when she sees you two together because she wouldn’t put up with his crap if he weren’t her own flesh and blood. As much as she tries to put a good spin on things—”Well…I know he has a lot of potential”—she’s clearly flabbergasted that her slacker son is dating such an intelligent, beautiful woman.
  3. You celebrate all his achievements; he can’t even text “congrats” when you earn your big promotion. You’re the first person he wants to tell when he has good news. After all, no one else supports and encourages him quite like you do… which makes it all the more galling when he never reciprocates. You’ve worked hard to get where you are in life and you deserve so much more than to be some jerk’s one-woman cheer section. Any man who’s willing to soak up your accolades without ever giving you props in return simply isn’t worth your time.
  4. He’s jealous and competitive. Not only does he refuse to high-five you for your mad skills, he tries to one-up you at every turn. It’s like it would cause him physical pain to admit that you’re a rock star. He’s so threatened by your brilliance that the only way he knows how to handle you is to dim your light with his dismissive attitude. Get yourself out of that negativity spiral pronto.
  5. You always send him a card on his birthday; he never remembers any of your details. Given that your basic personal stats are pasted all over your social media profiles, he’s got no damn excuse for his thoughtlessness. Paying even the most minimal attention to you would keep him in the loop. So it’s glaringly obvious that he’s investing exactly no effort in getting to know you on a deeper level. Ditch Mr. Clueless and save your badass cake-baking skills for a birthday boy who deserves to enjoy them.
  6. You always present yourself well; he wears dirty socks. Appearances are only skin deep, but come on! Putting at least a smidgen of effort into your attire shows healthy self-respect–and respect for your partner, too. You pride yourself on showing your best face to the world. He should do the same. It’s not about his sense of style or lack thereof. It’s about his hygiene. If he can’t take care of something as fundamental as the laundry, how is he ever going to nurture a relationship with you?
  7. He can dish it out but he can’t take it. Sarcastic interplay can put a little zest in a relationship. You have a sharp sense of humor, so when he gives you a hard time, you take it in stride and lob a zinger right back his way. Oh, but watch out. As much as he likes to razz you, his own ego is butterfly delicate (except a lot less pretty). A good retort can result in a melodramatic sulkfest on his part. Rather than tiptoe around him, why not find a dude who’s made of stronger stuff?
  8. He lets you do all the work in bed. Kudos for always bringing your A-game, but does he even deserve your efforts? When you find yourself continually focusing on his pleasure at the expense of your own, sex becomes a chore. You already have enough obligations to handle. Sharing your body with a man should never be a mere part of your to-do list. If he’s too interested in satisfying his own body to return the favor, you’d be better of with a vibrator than with this lame-o.
  9. He’s clueless. You know the old joke about women being too complex for men? Sometimes we give too much credence to this oversimplified stereotype. Did it ever occur to anyone that many of these “complicated” women are stuck with emotionally immature doofuses? Or that it’s actually unfair to all genders to assume that men are generally incapable of communication? If your guy leaves you feeling totally unfulfilled, he isn’t “just being a guy.” He’s using a lazy and disingenuous excuse to pass off bad behavior. Don’t fall for it.
  10. You’re an ant; he’s a grasshopper. If you know your fables, you’ll recall that the industrious ant was killin’ the game while the good-timing grasshopper fiddled away the summer, then froze his ass off in the winter. You and your guy live a modern retelling of this classic: you’re laying out your five-year plan; he’s talking about exploring options and maintaining his freedom to “have fun.”  But old Aesop was onto something. Unless he’s willing to put in the work, you’re going to leave him shivering at the curb.
  11. He tells you that you’re too good for him. There are a few situations in which he might state this truth. The first is when he knows he’s been a real ass, and he’s trying to apologize without apologizing: for example, “I can’t believe you let me play video games and cleaned the whole house before my parents got here. You’re too good for me.” The second is when he’s so insecure that the phrase escapes in odd moments regardless the context: “You’re way too good for me. Why do you even like me?” (Please reassure me repeatedly.) The third is a passive aggressive invitation to see yourself out of his life: “You’re obviously too good for me. You should be with someone who’s worthy of you.” He’s right. Follow his advice.
Jackie Dever is a freelance writer and editor in Southern California. When she's not working, she enjoys hiking, reading, and sampling craft beers.