I’m Single Because I’m A Lazy Dater

I used to lament my bad dating luck, blaming my terrible relationships or lack of viable boyfriend candidates on some universal curse I’d somehow become afflicted with. However, the truth is much less sinister: I’m actually too damn lazy when it comes to dating.

  1. I’ve never even done online dating. Online dating seems like a huge hassle to me. I also have this weird moral issue with it. I have this idea in my head that it’s super shallow and just straight up wrong. I’ve already expressed to my friends how awful I think it is, so I can’t really turn around and join a site… even though I probably should at this point because literally EVERYONE is online.
  2. I always choose to stay home if I have the choice. I’m a homebody through and through. If I have the choice between going to a party or staying at home and chilling on the couch, I pick the latter. I just don’t like big crowds of people and feel overwhelmed easily in social situations. Not even the promise of meeting a cute guy will be enough to get me off my butt. It’s a serious problem.
  3. If a guy’s not perfect from the get-go, I’m over it. Did I mention that I’m also a perfectionist? I’ve been on a lot of first dates but not many second dates. I’ll go out with a guy once and then never again because it just doesn’t feel “right” to me. I’ll manage to find one thing that’s wrong with him and use that as an excuse to drop him. I think that I’m being proactive here, but I’m really just being a lazy dater. I think it’s too much effort to go out again with a guy I don’t completely and totally love.
  4. I’d never dream of making the first move. I’ve made the first move once before and it was a total mistake. I’m not built to pursue guys and even if it sounds a little sexist, I don’t think many girls are—we’re used to being approached. Still, maybe I’m not using the right wooing techniques because I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for a guy to come along. I’d never dream of going up to a guy who I think is cute and asking him out. It’s way too scary to me and seems like way too much effort.
  5. I prefer to just go with the flow in every area of my life. Everyone who knows me also knows that I’m a lazy person. I like to lay around and let my thoughts flow and just do nothing. Nothing is better than doing nothing, in my opinion. I have this “hakuna matata” kinda attitude in life and I always act like everything’s cool, but I’m perpetually single, so clearly something’s wrong here.
  6. I have this fantasy that real love is effortless. While all my other friends are scouring the apps for their true love, I have this philosophy that if I just hang back and keep the faith, love will fall into my lap. That’s the way it works in the movies, right? The lazy part of me really wants to believe this is true.
  7. I tend to stop relationships before they even get off the ground. If I notice that the guy I’m going out with doesn’t have boyfriend potential, I put an instant stop to the dating process and go back to my lazy single ways. What’s the point if he’s not “The One”? Why waste my time dating someone when I know deep down that it’s not gonna lead anywhere? I’m so quick to end things, but maybe that’s just me being lazy and not wanting to put the time in to get to know someone better.
  8. I think I have more time than I actually do. Being a lazy dater was cute when I was in my early twenties, but I’m 28 now and time is ticking. I don’t wanna look back on my glory years and regret all the time I spent sitting on my butt, doing nothing.
  9. Sometimes I wonder what the point is. I’ve been thinking recently about the grand scheme of life and why everyone is so obsessed with finding love. I’m starting to wonder why. What’s the point if we’re all gonna die anyway? I should just enjoy myself while I can, not spend my twenties freaking out about who I’m gonna marry. I might regret not taking action, though.
  10. Life is so much easier when you don’t have to try. I don’t want to put myself out there because I’m lazy, but I’m also scared of what will happen if I do. I’m afraid of failure, sure, but I’m also afraid of success, and that keeps me stagnant. I’m afraid to break out of my habits and go after what I really want because what if it doesn’t work out? One day soon, I’ll have to get over it.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.