Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: These Days, Love Isn’t Quite So Linear

Fifty years ago, straight women could predict their lives would follow a pretty linear path: being single, dating someone, getting engaged, then getting married. Buying a house and kids would likely follow. It was just the way the world worked, and it was comforting in its own way. However, that’s just not the way the world works anymore. It’s still possible to find love if you want it, but that old-school trajectory is ancient history now.

Single, dating, engaged, married: why the old timeline doesn’t work anymore

1. Many women are choosing to stay single for longer. This isn’t some made up fantasy — it’s actually true. Not only has the average age of people getting married gone way up — 33 for women and 35 for men in 2021, according to The Knot — but many people have decided to forgo tying the knot altogether. Enjoying the single life and dating casually is cool, but getting engaged and/or married just isn’t on many people’s radar, particularly women.
2. Not everyone wants to get married. To expand on that, it’s important to note that whereas marriage was once seen as something everyone just did regardless of personal preference, these days, we have a choice. A lot of people might feel like they want a relationship but don’t necessarily need to say “I do.” Others simply want to enjoy their own company for life without the stress of a relationship. It’s all about personal choice.
3. Too many options = a lot of commitmentphobes. According to Business of Apps, there are approximately 323 million people on dating apps around the world. That means in theory, there are that many possible matches and that much of a chance of finding someone you gel with. Sadly, that doesn’t mean it’s more likely to happen. Not everyone on there is actually single and others aren’t even interested in proper dating, let alone getting engaged and married down the line. Often, dating apps are a waste of time.
4. Relationship standards are getting higher, and that’s a good thing. Recent data showed that dating opportunities for straight guys are dwindling, largely because women’s standards are getting a whole lot higher. We’re no longer interested in entertaining men who lie, cheat, disrespect, and generally treat us like crap. Until we get what we deserve, we’re cool on our own, it seems. It’s about time!
5. Life isn’t all about romantic partnerships anymore. There are so many other things in life to focus on in life besides romantic love. Friends and family members provide an incredible support system and an active social life. You may have lofty career goals you’d like to achieve. Maybe you’re invested in your passions and hobbies and want to pursue those as often as possible. There are so many ways to find fulfillment outside of romantic relationships. Life isn’t empty without love!

Things to remember when you’re getting frustrated

If you’re single and in the dating scene because you want to get married and engaged, it can be disheartening to continue going ’round in circles and getting no closer to where you want to be. When you find yourself getting frustrated, here are some things to remember.

1. There’s no one “right” path to finding love. Everyone does this in their own time. Some people marry their high school sweethearts and stay together forever. Some people go through several bad relationships before eventually finding “The One” in their 40s or even 50s. Your story isn’t going to be like anyone else’s, and that’s okay. Whatever way things go for you is obviously the right way.
2. You already have everything you need within yourself. While society might like to trick you into thinking you need a romantic partner for a full life, you know deep down that’s not the truth. While it’d be nice to meet someone amazing and build a life together, that’s the cherry on top rather than the whole sundae. You complete yourself. End of story.
3. A watched kettle never boils. If you’ve never heard this before, it basically means that desperately waiting for something to happen and being hyperfocused on it won’t make it come any faster. You have so much living to do, so putting your life on hold waiting to find someone to come along and sweep you off your feet is a waste of time. Go out there and do every single thing your heart desires. When a solid partner comes along, they can join in.
4. You’re definitely not alone — it’s tough out there for everyone. If you’re single and dating, you might assume that everyone else is out there getting engaged and married and you’re the last single girl. That’s not true. In fact, there are more people in your position than you think. It’s okay to admit that you want to meet a great guy and spend your life with him. It’s also okay to admit that the struggle to find that is real.
5. There’s value in dating even if it doesn’t go anywhere. Not every guy you go out with needs to be a potential Mr. Right. By meeting different people, even if they’re wildly unlike our ideal partner, there are things to be learned. You might solidify your deal-breakers, or, you might realize that you’re more open than you thought. Dating should be an enjoyable experience, so don’t ruin it by putting too much pressure on it.
6. You’re better off alone than with the wrong person. We wish we could say this louder for the people in the back. You are literally better of spending the rest of your life alone than with someone who’s toxic, who doesn’t value you, or who isn’t on your level. Granted, you won’t need to be alone forever. But, if the choice is between coupling up with someone unworthy of you or rolling solo, we think you know what the right answer is.