If I Were Any More Single, I’d Be Dead

There’s single, and then there’s single AF. After going through a particularly long time without so much as a kiss from a guy, I’m starting to realize that my relationship status is definitely the latter. It’s not like I just haven’t gone on a date in a while — this is why it’s not physically possible to be any more single than I am right now:

  1. I’ve been single for a long time now. I’m talking a year and a half, which may not sound that bad – until you take in account that the whole 18 months has been one long dry spell. No dates, no kissing, no sex, no nothing.
  2. I’m not dating. No one ever asks me out. I know that’s a problem in general in today’s world — lots of guys don’t ask girls on dates. Still, I know that it does happen once in a while. I’m not going to beg a man to take me to dinner, so here I sit all by my lonesome. I feel invisible.
  3. I’m not hooking up. I tried using the dating apps for casual situations, but I can’t get a guy to start a conversation! How will he know if I’m willing to keep it purely physical when he won’t even say hello? I’m not usually into the casual thing, but I’m so single that I’d consider it right now.
  4. I’m not even cuddling. Unless you count my cat, I’m not getting physical affection from anywhere. I’d die right about now just to have a man hold me for a while. It doesn’t even have to be romantic. I just want to feel that tangible bond and fall asleep in the comfort of someone’s arms.
  5. No one is showing any interest. I’m friendly and open and I engage just about anyone these days. It doesn’t matter. Guys pay absolutely no attention to me. The irony of the situation is that I feel better about myself than I ever have in my life, and somehow that’s not attracting men. It’s starting to freak me out, like I’m actually horrible and don’t realize it or something.
  6. I don’t meet new guys. It’s partially my fault. I’m a homebody and I’ve gotten more reserved as I get older. I don’t want to go out to bars and meet dudes there. I want to meet guys who are interested in the same stuff that I am. I’m trying to get involved in group activities and be more social so that I can do that, because this is getting ridiculous.
  7. If I do meet any, they’re all taken. I find that the guys who are friendliest to me are taken or married. Maybe they’re nice because they’re all set and there’s nothing at stake. It sucks to find out time and time again that every man I vibe with already has a partner. I’m ending up with a lot of guy friends, which is great and all … except that I’m still over here super single.
  8. If I don’t make the move, nothing happens. It’s not like I’ve been sitting around on my couch this whole time waiting for some dude to beat down my door. I’ve made attempts at dating, but I’m not going to do all the work for some passive, boring guy. I want him to want me. I’ve made the mistake of initiating everything with men before. and it never ended well.
  9. I’m giving up hope. I’m just about to my breaking point. I’ve been okay accepting and even enjoying my single status, but the longer I go on alone the harder it gets. I like being single, but I also sorely miss the perks of having a boyfriend. I long for physical affection the most, and it’s very hard to replicate that anywhere when you’re ridiculously single.
  10. I’m about to grab the next guy who’s nice to me. I can feel myself on the brink of making the same mistake I always make. I get sad and lonely and end up becoming the aggressor anyway because I just can’t take it anymore. Then I get stuck in a situation with a guy who isn’t that into it and lets me navigate everything. It’s the worst. I have to remind myself that being single truly is better than being unhappy with a man.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.
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