Being Single & Being Independent Aren’t Mutually Exclusive — You Can Have Both

You’re a strong, smart, independent single woman and that’s great, but a relationship wouldn’t take all of that away from you. If you’re staying single as a point of pride or because you think having a boyfriend would somehow diminish your badass side, consider that a relationship might help you become even stronger and more independent. Here’s what you need to remember:

1. Sharing a life is not the same as being dependent on somebody. Asking someone to do you a favor or take care of you when you’re sick doesn’t make you dependent on him. Wanting to spend days on end with just one guy doesn’t make you dependent on him. These things make you human and are a totally normal part of falling in love. You can love your boyfriend, share a life, and still be independent.
2. Being single is comfortable; being in a relationship is hard. Being single is great! Everything is always exactly the way you want it, 24/7. Being in a relationship and blending two lives together can be a serious challenge at first, but it’s usually worth it. As a strong, badass woman, don’t you want that challenge? Why settle for easy when you can tackle something hard that will make you stronger and more independent.
3. You choose what defines you. You’re the only person who can define yourself and your life. Yes, you can introduce yourself to the world as Mr. X’s girlfriend, but you don’t have to. Just because you have a guy by your side doesn’t mean that you stop being strong, independent, powerful, intelligent you. If you don’t want to be defined by your relationship, make sure you stay true to yourself throughout it. It really is that simple.
4. The right guy will love you because you’re independent, not in spite of it. It’s also worth remembering that he’ll probably love you because of your ferocious spirit and self-reliance. We’ve all heard the horror stories of needy, high maintenance women, so he’ll probably be thrilled to be with someone as ambitious and down to earth as you are.
5. You can become stronger if you’re better supported. You can’t do everything by yourself, no matter how much you wish you could. Having someone by your side is comforting but also extremely helpful. You vent to your girlfriends without feeling dependent on them, so what’s so different about a guy — especially one who can help you relax with a nice massage or some sexy time?
6. You aren’t done yet! He can help you grow. You’re not your finished product yet. You have so much to learn and so many experiences to live through. Why close yourself off to somebody who can help you on that journey and broaden your horizons? Not only that, but he can enjoy the journey with you as he works on his own growth. Sounds like a pretty good deal, right?
7. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean being joined a the hip. If your boyfriend likes you because you’re independent then there’s a good chance that he is too. He may not want to spend every waking moment with you, which works out nicely because you’ve got your own life to live.
8. The single life can leave you too set in your ways. Everybody likes things a certain way. From how you organize your books to how you load the dishwasher, there are things that just work better the way you do them, right? Wrong. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but at some point, we all have to realize that maybe the dishwasher can be loaded differently. A relationship gives you the chance to work on loosening up a little – something that will pay off in other aspects of your life too.
9. Letting a guy love and care for you is not a weakness. If you’re anything like me, this is a tough thing to remember. Growing up in a time of female empowerment and coming to terms with the fact that love and relationships are completely normal is hard. Long term relationships aren’t for everybody but if it’s what you want, it doesn’t make you weak or a stereotypical damsel in distress.
10. You can love a guy and still be a badass feminist. Whether you call yourself a feminist or not, as a modern woman who values her strength and independence, you believe in the cause. Loving a man and letting him love you back doesn’t make you weaker or less independent. It doesn’t make you a bad feminist either. It makes you a badass feminist.